On the fourth day of Christmas

Trouble has been brewing on the hill for a few days. Money is tight, stress levels are high, CJ's hubby, BJ got hurt on the job and is home. His foot is in a cast and he's on crutches, waiting to see an ortho doctor.
Kids don't mind, Stacie and CJ think the kids should do it all while they study on the computers, but kids are kids and will do just what they can get by with. CJ and BJ don't want Casey staying in the sheddage with Ana, so they keep her up at Stacies.
Yesterday Stacie and I went shopping all day, when she came in and walked in with her arms full of groceries they are sitting on the couch watching tv, nothing done all day long..they being CJ and BJ.
They have words.
This morning Dylan comes down with a pair of the girls' socks on and I ask where his socks are..he can't find them. I know why. He never puts his clothes away, never puts them in a clothes basket. The room he moved into was a mess and has become more of a mess.

Today Ana began the chore of gathering up the rest of her clothes from the room Dylan has been sleeping in. I go up to help and am horrified at the mess in there, so I call Dylan in and give him a good talking to. I came down the hill, tended to my chores, ate a bite and then went back up there. I told him we would clean that room and even though he wanted to stand around with his finger up his butt, he did help.
After a while his mom and dad came into the room. I told them what I was doing and that it wasn't my place to do it but the grown ups in the house wouldn't so I was.
He had an electric heater piled on top of clothes and I know he has run it at night..so unsafe. I took it out and I told them he didn't need a heater in that room. He could cover up and get warm.

Stacie had asked CJ and BJ to stop sleeping in the living room-either BJ or Casey was always in there, so they took Casey into their room with them. Stacie told them if DHS got wind of it there would be trouble. CJ read it as Stacie was threatening to contact DHS. Emotions ran high.

Between Stacie, Ana, Dylan and myself we cleaned up that room. At one point, BJ and CJ came in and asked if they could talk. They told me about their problems with Stacie and I listened, but made no comment. BJ wanted to know if anything Stacie was saying was coming from 'down the hill', meaning from me and Paw. I assured him that whatever I had to say I'd say to their face. We discussed the Casey/shed issue, BJ not wanting Casey to stay down here, reason being he knows what he did at her age, etc. I told them they had the right to decide I wouldn't argue that with them. For now though, Ana was staying in the shed.

They then left and went to CJ's grandmas for Christmas. We finished up the room brought an extra mattress for Casey to sleep on, brought Ana's desk and a coffee table down, then took Casey's clothes and her chest back up the hill, into the house and into the room. We noticed beneath a desk in the living room were some of Casey's clothes just dumped on the floor. I thought Stacie would bust a gasket. Seems Casey had simply dumped them there because her chest was down the hill. I know through out the week when I would be up there Stacie or CJ would tell the kids to do something with that basket of clothes and point toward about 3 baskets of clothes. I also know there was a pile of laundry by the washer that would have challenged a small washateria.

So....the Pattersons are gone, Stacie is working on her living room, I take Ana to spend the night with a friend. I come back, wash my dishes, put on my soup, put some sweet potatoes in the oven, sit for a few minutes and start this email when a text message comes in--u are needed.

Grumbling I head up the hill, not realizing the Pattersons are back until I see Dylan outside with Shandi. I go in, find Stacie in her room crying. Seems Casey has come in and told Stacie she is a fatty and no one likes her and they can't wait to leave from there. CJ, BJ and Casey are holed up in their room.

I go back there, open the curtain and tell them I would like for all of them to come into the living room. We need to talk. Casey sits there while BJ and CJ gets up. She sits there with her head down. Come on Casey, I say, no answer. Her mom and her dad speak to her and finally she says to BJ, I am waiting on you. He won't move until she does so she grudgingly gets up and walks into the living room.

I talk to them about communication, blah, blah.......finally Stacie and CJ apologize to each other.
Then I turn my attention to Casey
Me: Casey why did you call my daughter a fatty and say ugly things to her
Casey: head down, not looking up, no answer
CJ: Answer her, Casey
Casey...no response
BJ: Answer Ms Klara
Casey: no response
Me: And that is part of the problem. Casey you either won't reply or you smart off and tell me it's none of my business or you give me an answer a mile long with all your excuses as to why you did whatever
CJ: Casey thinks no one loves her here
Me: Well I don't know what else I can do. I refuse to kiss her ass. Otherwise I've done everything I know to do to make her feel welcome
At this point Casey finally barks out something and for the life of me I can't recall what it was she said but whatever it was, it pissed me off big time because of HOW she said it.

So I say: I will not tolerate being spoken to that way. You are always saying we take Ana's side, you say Ana gets her way, yet YOU take your phone to school
Casey" Ana takes her too

Then there is a back and forth on whether or not Ana takes her phone.

Me: Well she may take it when I don't know, but all you have to do is say she has it. I will handle it. On the other hand you got yours taken, you raised the money to get it back, your mother had Stacie take her to school to get the phone.......at this point I see CJ bury her head in her hand and Casey looked like she would die.
I continue...your mother said you would NOT get your phone back but the next morning you not only had it but took it to school and you say Ana gets her way...I look at CJ when I say this because it's CJ who always says Ana gets her way. Not only does all the above occur, but then your mother gave you the money to pay your friends back.

At this point Casey yells...She did not. I earned that money babysitting Dylan and Shandi.
Me: Wow, how wonderful. Your mother pays you 25.00 to babysit Dylan and Shandi but all Ana got was a box of Zebra cakes. Now WHO gets petted, who gets their way, who gets treated special around here.

At this point CJ jumps up and runs out.
I stand up and tell BJ, I am sorry, I cannot talk with your daughter because she is always right, never wrong and always cops an attitude with me. I have to go before I slap the shit out of her and out the door I go.

Later on Stacie comes down the hill. She tells me that BJ will not go looking for CJ because he mad at her because she did not tell him the truth about the cell phone. Wooops. I let the cat or shall we say the cell phone story out of the bag.

BJ was always complaining because CJ seemed to spend all his money. Now he knows where some of it goes...paying Casey off. :) Oh well.

I have family coming for supper. My sister and her family, my brother and his lady...they arrive bringing cake and a meat tray, I have fixed homemade soup and we smile and eat and enjoy each other's company like nothing is wrong. BJ makes it down the hill on his crutches and thanks me for enlightening him on where his money has been going. Eventually Casey comes in. I walk to her, hug her tell her I love her and invite her on into the circle. She is all smiles and light as though nothing has ever happened. Stacie walks over to her and hugs her too. Whether Casey apologizes or not, I don't know. I don't expect one, maybe I should.

But tonight I'm just worn out.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

This crazy life

And that ocean front property in Arizona looks better all the time--
Friday we're sitting around the kitchen bar and CJ's phone rings. It's her husband BJ and I hear, "and don't come home". " Do that you stay over there." Various other statements were made leading me to believe he was telling her he was going to do something married men shouldn't do while away from home supposedly working.

Being the mouthy old woman I am, I say very loudly, "BJ, shame on you."

He then crawfishs, saying he was only teasing. I go on and don't think about it again.

Until, I'm sitting at the church on Saturday night eating our dessert after playing dirty Santa. Text message comes in from CJ saying, "Just so you know, a friend of mine is letting me ride with him to Texas to see BJ. I put gas in the truck for Stacie to bring me to Columbia. I love you and I will be home Monday."
Ok
Deed is done, what can I do?
She goes on to say that Stacie has the kids covered.

Sunday comes and goes with no problem.

Monday Stacie takes all the kids to counseling after school. CJ is supposed to be in some time Monday, Stacie has heard from her, but she isn't close yet.

I go to WMU, when I come in around 9, still nothing from CJ.

Tuesday morning Stacie and I leave right after the bus going to Hattiesburg for a psych eval. She has heard from CJ, she and her friend are mad at Stacie because Stacie won't ride to Jackson at midnight and pick CJ up. Last word is the friend will bring CJ home.

By the time we get to Hattiesburg, the friend is bringing her to Hattiesburg. We go to the evaluation, and decide we will check out a new shopping center Stacie has not been in while we wait on CJ. We have about 4 hours to kill before an appointment in Tylertown, an hour away. CJ is to meet us in Hattiesburg within the hour.

Stacie and I have a ball in Pet Smart, Shoe Station and a Ross store, I think it was. We didn't spend much. I bought a spoon rest for a friend of mine for a small Christmas happy. We leave one store and start toward the car and there is CJ, looking a lot worse for wear. By now it's time to leave heading to T-town.
I hear her say she learned to not drink and take her meds.
She ought to know better. She's on all sorts of depression/anxiety/pain,neuropathy type meds and she goes and drinks???

Oh well.
I had looked forward to a day in H'burg just loafing around but I didn't get it. Maybe next time.

CJ sleeps on the way to town, drags out to eat a burger before going to the doctor's office.

Stacie is seeing one of the new doctors in our clinic, since our doctor, Keith Speed is leaving in January to teach. Dr. Kyzer comes in,  a short, stocky man, long beard, neat cane, and a pair of five finger shoes on...coolest thing in the world. He spoke softly and slowly and did a very detailed exam of Stacie.He thinks she might have a bit of a thyroid problem and drew blood to check that out.

Then home.............after a haircut of course.



--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

caj

Kids, teenagers...tempers, opinions....

I hate when I allow a child to push my buttons.

This 15 year can do just that. Nothing pleases her. She's always right. She has an answer for everything. She's conniving, manipulative, and sometimes vicious.

She is pissed because Ana copied something she is doing. She refuses to tell me for whatever reason. Just to piss me off, I think. Just because she thinks I always take up for Ana and I do, unless Ana is wrong.

I reminded her that copying is a form of flattery.

She clams up.

She takes the granola bars and special k bars that her mom bought for both of the girls up to the house, leaving Ana with nothing to snack on. She refuses to talk to Ana or me. She accuses Ana of locking herself in the shed but of course she (C) doesn't. She stays with her mom because her mom needs someone to help her and she does that unlike Ana who doesn't care about her mom (according to what C said). Ana pointed out that every time she goes to see her mom, CJ is always piled up on the bed with Stacie. C denies this, of course. C always denies any and everything anyone says that doesn't fit into her realm of what is true.

I pointed out that I didn't like hearing her talk about the shed because it was as much her idea as it was Ana's.

She can't wait until they move. She hates it here. She has hated it here since the first day she walked through my door. She has had an attitude from day one. She uses her mom and the guilt her mom feels for all the things her daughter accuses her of--moving her from Brooklyn school system to Tylertown, moving her from Tylertown to Salem...she hates it here.

I let her get to me. I told her she had always had an attitude and I was tired of it. I told her she didn't like anywhere she was and she yelled back that yes she did. She loved T-town and her grandpa's and she wanted to go back there. She hated it here.

I asked what had Ana done that pissed her. She wouldn't answer. I asked why. She said she didn't want to tell me. She said it was none of my business. I said it was when they brought their angry feelings into my house. I said I could feel the tension and it bothered me. I said I wanted to know because unless I knew I didn't know who to 'side' with, since SHE always accused me of taking Ana's side.

I told her I would tell her mother. She said she didn't care.
She always takes her cell phone to school. They are not supposed to. She got caught last week. Of course it wasn't her fault, she wasn't texting, she was looking for her nose ring in her pocket and the teacher thought she was texting so the teacher searched her. Before school let out she raised enough money from her friends to get the phone back. She calls her mom and her mom has Stacie take her to school to get the money (25.00) and get the phone back. Mom says she won't have her phone for a while. By the time school let out and she got home, mom gave her the phone back. Of course, she has to have the phone. After all she has an alarm on it and she wakes up D and A and S and she has to have it to remind her to take her meds.

Her mom is always accusing A of having a cocky attitude. In fact it is her own daughter who has the attitude.

*sigh*

Can I say I don't know that I like this girl?

funny contribution, literally, um, well maybe

Our crowds at church on Sunday have always been slim, but given the recent events and the holidays, they are much slimmer. With this in mind, we have opted to not take up an offering on Sunday night. This isn't something that has been presented to the church, it's just one of those things that evolved from circumstances.

Within our church there is one couple, both working on their 2nd marriage. Husband is stiff necked and opinionated and believes that appearance as much as anything makes him spiritual.
Wife has always been mentally unstable and continues to be so.

Husband has been sick with bronchitis so hasn't attended church, although he continues to work every day...something he and wife both have criticized others for doing. Husband wasn't at church Sunday morning nor again Sunday night. Wife walks up to our secretary after the service Sunday with a check in her hand--keep in mind an offering was taken up Sunday morning and wife was present.

She says to the secretary "I just don't know what to do with this check. Husband wrote it this morning and there wasn't an offering taken tonight."

Secretary-"Well, you can do whatever you want with it. You can give it or take it home and give it next Sunday."

Wife, "Yes, but I just don't know what to do."

Secretary, "Like I said, you can give it to me or you can bring it back next Sunday."

 Wife, "Yes, but I just don't know, there wasn't an offering taken." Again the secretary said, "You can give it or you can give next Sunday. It doesn't matter to me."

Wife took it back home with her.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Lay of the land

Ok, imagine you are facing north.

To the left of the drive you will notice a greenhouse. To the left of that greenhouse which is #3 is the store with greenhouse #2 behind it. To the left of that is the fern house #1. that covers the front greenhouses.

To the right of the drive in picture #1 is the shrub yard. You can get an idea of it from this front shot I took from the road a few years back.

To the right of the shrub yard is my house which is the first building in the above picture.It's the roof to the left of the pic. The buildings to the right are the sheds; the front one being the sheddage, the taller roof is the large shed which we have tools and such in. Way up the hill to the right is Stacie's house.

I hope this gives you a better idea of how things are situated here. I won't promise there aren't some very messy areas in these shots either because there are always areas around here that I wish were cleaner or removed.

Doctor visit 2011, November

I am finally home. We compared--the doctor and I--(hehehe, he showed me and told me what we were looking at) the scan taken last November to the scan taken today. One lesion is gone, but there are several more cropped up on the other side of my lung. He says that is how this thing does. He also said that sometimes one has to worry if what we're seeing is still a lesion from the bacteria or has it developed into something else.

So, because the only treatment that I can hopefully manage is IV, and since it will really interfere with my life, he wants me to come back in 3 months for another scan and comparison. Then we will decide if we want to try the IV treatment or not. Much will depend on how I am functioning also.

He did say that clinically I am no better in fact I am a bit worse and he is disappointed in that. So am I.

However, he warmed my heart when he saw me and said, Ms. Reid, I was thinking of you yesterday and wondering wasn't it about time for you to come see me. I guess having a head butting contest with a doctor will cause him to truly remember you. LOL

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

resignation

Hmm, I just got a phone call from NY.
N-I am resigning from all my committees.
Me..Ok
N-So just scratch my name off your list.
Me-Ok, will do. I am sorry to ..............

Clunk, she hung up the phone.

Lord Help Us.



--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

A reply to a topic concerning forgiveness:

*I read here regularly, but usually take in what I read and digest it,

  without reply.

  I would like to weigh in here.

  I am shocked to say the least at the idea of allowing a sexual predator to

  remain amongst the innocent souls that tempt him or her as the case could

  be. I don't believe it has a thing to do with forgiveness, I believe it has

  everything to do with protecting the children in our watch-care.

  

  I know this from personal experience, not in the church situation, but at

  home. The step father molested my 3 year old granddaughter. He was

  instantly removed from the home. He is in jail now. The granddaughter, now

  10 years later, continues to have nightmares, continues to fear he is out

  of jail and will come do harm to her.

  

  Initially, my first impression, my first thought was let me at the *bleep,

  bleep, bleep* and he will never touch another person regardless of their

  age. However, years of walking with the Lord and years of recovery work on

  my own self and years of attending a self help program for families and

  friends of alcoholics have taught me that 'vengeance is mine saith the

  Lord', unforgiveness only hurts me and is the scum worth my spending a life

  time in jail?

  

  Still to actually forgive him was hard coming--and it didn't involve the

  belief that what he did was ok or that he could return to the home front

  upon his release. Forgiveness meant I no longer allowed the anger to reside

  in my heart, instead I turned my feelings and this person over to God who

  is much better able to handle the situation. However, he will never be

  welcome here, he will never be allowed to come here, to come within a

  certain distance from the child he marred for life. This isn't because I

  don't forgive him, it's because God gave me enough sense to not knowingly

  put these children in danger.

  

  God says I am to forgive. God does not tell me to lie down in the den with

  the wolves. God gives me reasonable sense to take the steps to protect

  myself.

  

  On the flip side of this forgiveness thing--one of our esteemed church

  members went off on another one Sunday night, in our Discipleship Training

  class. She accused the woman of infidelity, of being a lesbian, (which she

  isn't) called her a liar, threatened to kick a male member in the balls and

  said most of us in the church were a pile of crap only she didn't use the

  nicer word. This was a lady who was held in high esteem, knows the Bible as

  well as any preacher, taught classes for years, very talented, very

  successful. Yet the venom that spewed forth from her lips in that class

  told a totally different story than what shows on the surface. She even

  included her husband in a 3 some with the lady she was confronting; a tryst

  that is supposed to have happened some 15 years ago.

  

  Now, should we kick them out of church? I don't know what the protocol is

  there. She hasn't asked for forgiveness. Her husband is a deacon and he did

  not deny the accusation of being involved in a triangle. Forgiveness could

  come easy to some and hard for others, I believe.

  

  Some of us forgive easy, others hold grudges. I have struggled with

  forgiveness but thanks be to God and His work in my life, I can forgive.

  Can I continue to attend church with these people? I could. Can the woman

  attacked do so? I don't know. Could I if I were the attacked? Yes, I could.

  It would be difficult, but I would.

  

A recap of what happened in an email to a pastor:

 

The characters are B-the accuser; S-the accused, L-the other woman named and the husbands of all involved. B and S's husbands are also active deacons. S's husband is the chairperson or whatever they are called as the 'head' honcho in the deacons. He has to moderate business meetings in the absence of a pastor and make deacon announcements and he is the one we go to when problems arise.

B verbally attacked S in the class accusing her of taking the former secretary/treasurer's job from her. What happened was the church drew up by laws and determined the job needed to be split and the treasurer needed some means of accountability so elected a group of 5 capable of signing checks. Treasurer kept the books, wrote the checks, signers signed them. That way all were accountable. B stated she had more to say but would say it in private.

S invited her to come to her office-S being the secretary. (BTW, I am now the treasurer, the former treasurer quit when the changes were implemented) In our office, B accused S and L of being gay and having a 3-some with her husband, D-who is her 2nd husband, the first having divorced her.

After the private discussion which included in person L, the accused gay lover, her husband, B's and her husband, S and her husband, S invited those of us who were in the class to hear the rest of the story. Hence our involvement. That may have been wrong. I don't know.

I suggested that in the absence of a pastor, S talk with our Area/Associational Director which she did. The Director is familiar with B as she has caused problems in other churches in the area. In spite of her Biblical IQ, apparently it is mostly head knowledge and not heart knowledge. I personally know she studied for many years under the tape ministry of R.B.Thieme Jr from Texas. Are you familiar with him?

The director advised the deacons to speak with B's husband and ask him to step down as active deacon. He also advised that they as a couple be asked to quietly leave the church.

I am not sure I agree with the leaving the church part. I do with the deacon part. I agree with his stepping down as a deacon because when asked when/if he actually engaged in a 3some with S and L all he could do was snicker and lower his head. He did not admit or deny the act. In not denying he upheld his wife accusations.

I believe there is much going on beneath the surface with B and her husband-failed marriages for both, control issues, health issues, chronic pain and from where I stand a lot of jealousy. I believe were they as a couple to be willing to publically apologize, to agree to Christian counseling and to right their wrongs they could/should be allowed to remain in church. While I believe issues in the church should be addressed, I believe they should be done so with the utmost care, ever seeking to follow God's will in the matter and to handle matters in a Godly manner. I know I have done wrong many times in my life and I still do, but there were times in my life when my lifestyle did not reflect my walk with the Lord--well it did, my walk was non-existant and I demonstrated that. I would have been crushed had I been turned away from church. It was only through the loving acceptance of church members AND might I add, 20 years of Al-Anon (families and friends of alcoholics) that have brought me to where I am today.

I have been deeply hurt by church members. I continued to attend church with them and while I might not buddy up to them, I was able, by God's grace, to treat them with reasonable respect and courtesy. I believe this is what God wants us to do under such circumstances. So asking a couple to leave  their church isn't something I can support.

My question or possibly questions are--am I being a weak Christian by allowing them or wanting to allow them to remain?
Where is the line that says this action requires expulsion and this one doesn't.
Isn't sin sin in God's eyes?
Are we in fact judging when we say a sexual sin deserves expulsion but a verbal attack on a person's character doesn't? Isn't the person violated in either act?

Lord, I wish we had a pastor. But  given just what little I have shared with you here, can you or anyone even wonder why we don't have a pastor? *weak smile* Our last pastor came in August of '10 and left in July of '11. There were issues there too and not just with the members, but this has gotten long enough.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Verbaliage

Tonight my friend was verbally assaulted in DT class. Brenda attacked Sandy, saying that she was the reason Helen and Hilton left, that she wanted Helen's job. Lots of other stuff was said, including reference to a time when Brenda went to Trudi's home, (Sandy's daughter) and verbally attacked her husband telling him he wasn't a good father or good example to his kids, then followed up with a letter to them which Sandy had a copy,

The class ended and Sandy and Brenda went into the office where Brenda accused Sandy of being a lesbian with another church member and also of having a 3-some with that woman and Brenda's husband, Doyle. Doyle was called into the meeting and wouldn't deny the accusation.

This is a woman who knows the Bible front to back, and can deliver a lesson at the drop of a hat. This is a woman that has a lot of younger people looking up to her, but who, alas, has had her turn at infidelity again and again, to the point one preacher had to leave the church he was pastoring because of her. Yet she points the finger at Sandy and lies about her.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Wednesday

I am going to head out and weed some more on the shrub yard. I can work out there now that it has cooled off some. I might have to stop after a while to water a few things in the houses, but hopefully I will get some more cleaning done out there. I am hoping to sell most of the trees and shrubs through the winter and not have that to deal with next spring...I just want to do veggies, a few flowers and herbs and maybe some gifts and yard ornaments.

Who knows what God has in store for us.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Searching for a pastor

Finding a  pastor involves letting the Association and Seminaries know you are looking. They then send you resumes which meet whatever requirements you have listed...age/education/speciliaty/etc....we then go through these as a group and individually, meet and discuss pros and cons, cull some, save some, then as we narrow the list down we begin to contact them to be sure they are not dealing with another church, their resume is current and they are interested..ie: not in school full time.

We now have 3 meetings tentatively set up between now and January with 3 different pastors seeking a new church field. We will meet with them at a resturant and interview them and their wives. Then we go from there. This is my first time on a search committee so I am learning as I go.

Some pastors are in churches but seeking a new church for various reasons--some for the location, some feel they have done all they can do where they are, some are having difficulties with the people in the congregation, others simply want more money--sad but very true. Some church members are hard to deal with. I know, we have some of them at our church. You can never satisfy them.

Some of the specialties I have noticed have been  with an emphasis on youth ministry or counseling or one resume I remember stated that the pastor's main focus was on teaching the flock, some list soul winning as their focus.

I will try to remember to share what we do as we do it.

One thing so far that has been really intriguing to me because it allows me to observe the main character in our search committee...she is an older woman, been involved in church all her life, has run the nursery for years, if you want to know something just ask her.

Being without a pastor, it's the deacon's job to find a pastor to fill the pulpit on Sunday and Wednesday night. One Wednesday nights we've had this 30 year old pastor from a church south of town, with a wife and 2 young daughters leading us. He is no longer at the church he pastored, choosing to leave in the midst of controversy. He is quite impressive with the way he teaches the Bible and expresses himself as well as his insight into human nature. He has a wonderful delivery and and a great sense of humor.

We had his resume, but shechose to not include it in the ones we copied for each of us to have one. We asked about it and begrudgingly she had copies made of his resume. We were setting up a time we could meet with him, much against her preferences obviously and the main reason she didn't want to even consider was because a couple members whom she dislikes really liked him. Now she didn't say that--but she kept bringing up their comments. She also was concerned about why he left his previous church and all we can find out is that some of the little old ladies at the church thought his wife was too fat and didn't fit their ideal for a pastor's wife.

I don't know.

However, the problem was solved when he and his wife decided they were not interested in serving in our county or even in a county nearby due to the close proximity of all our churches. They prefer to move out of state if possible.

Church politics are funny.

She even led a mutual friend of ours to believe that I didn't want this pastor considered even though I had stated several times how much I enjoyed his teaching. She's a handful!

It is my experience that most any time you put more than 2 people on a committee, there will be tension at some point in time. We are all human, we none think alike and we all want something different.
It isn't an easy job because, right or wrong, the congregation blames the search committee if something goes wrong. There are 2 on this committee that served on the last search committee. One, a younger man thought the sun rose and set in the pastor while Lyndora didn't after she got to know him. She says there was a lot that wasn't evident when they interviewed Bro. Stacy. I say the church was desperate and voted on him just to say they had a pastor.

At this point in our church life I feel we need teachers and youth oriented leaders in our church. When I say youth I am not just thinking of 13-18 either, I am thinking of the younger marrieds, ages 20-30 also. We need some serious leadership in that area in our church as older members are stepping down and there are no young ones willing to step up.

The pastor's wife does play a huge part in how the church relates to the pastor. The last one we had, his wife ruled the roost and she had mental problems. The one before him had a wife who was reclusive, seldom spoke, wouldn't teach, never really participated in anything and was a horrid housekeeper..OMG. I took something to the parsonage one evening and there was no place to put a matchstick on the counter it was so filled with stuff.

We don't care if the pastor's wife is musically inclined or where her speciality lies as much as we want her personality to be friendly. It helps if she teaches, plays an instrument or enjoys working with the youth, but we don't not call a pastor based on his wife.

Who would play Her? I don't watch enough movies to answer that, Pam.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

spit

I asked annad yesterday morning was Friday her last day at school or would she stay to finish the semester. She said Friday was her last day; immediately got on the bus and told Ana and Casey that yesterday was her last day. Robby stopped by the greenhouse and spoke to me, then drove right to the school and picked her up. If he knew he never said a word.

So, when I come in last night and they are not home I am concerned about where she is. I walk up to Stacie's and am told she was checked out and is in La. with Robby and ms. thang.

Oh well, it can't last much longer.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

News, good I think

Hmmm, Saturday morning Bob came in to break the cardinal rule he has of not passing on gossip. He came in to tell me that TA mentioned they --she, Robby and AnnaD may be moving back to Tickfaw where her home is. He wanted me to know so that when Robby came in I wouldn't jump the gun with my *she does nothing, got to do something or move* conversation.

Sunday after church, Robby and TA came in from Tickfaw, where they had spent the night, TA having picked Robby up from there the day before. He had to be in for a court date Monday on an old charge.

He mentioned that they were thinking of moving. I said I thought it was a wonderful idea and we moved on in the conversation.

Yesterday he spent the day in court and getting his license reinstated and during the day his boss called. He is to go to work on Monday in New Orleans driving a truck on the yard and will need to drive into work each day. So they are in the process of getting utilities turned on and bare necessities moved to Tickfaw.

Yes! Yes! Yes!
Doing happy dance


--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Reply from FGH

Copy of the letter I received on 9/19/11 in reply to my letter/email to FGH dated 9/12/11

Dear Mrs. Reid:
We are in receipt of your email of September 12, regarding the filling for services you received at our hospital on April 27, 2011. The concerns you expressed have been referred to the Director of Patient Accounts. I want to thank you for taking the time to notify us of your concerns. Our mission at FGH is to provide the very best care for each and every one of the patients we serve. This pertains to after discharge as well. We apologize for not meeting your expectations.

Please be assured that your comments have been taken very seriously. Your concerns are currently being reviewed and we anticipate that we should be able to provede you with a written response within the next 30 days.

Again, thank you for contacting us. We appreciate your patience while we investigate your concerns. If you wish to call me, I can be reached at ***-***-****

In the meantime I have received a reimbursement check for 497.00 from FGH for overpayment to my account in an envelope with FGH clearly visible on the return address. The letter I copied above also came in an envelope with FGH's return address and was written on paper with the FGH letterhead.

Sometimes even if the squeaky wheel doesn't get the grease they do get attention.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

UTI, TA and other vowels

Ok, folks, I went to the ER today, got some cipro and am hopefully on the road to recovery. Mark that off the list of things to do.

Got a situation......but then don't I always these days?

Several months ago I discovered that TA allows AnnaD to smoke. TA smokes, and so she lets AnnaD smoke. I found out when the girls came back from the river one day saying that AnnaD had offered to sell one of her cigs to a kid at the river. I spoke to TA about it, she assured me she would not willingly allow AnnaD to smoke and life went on until one evening in the house TA mentioned AnnaD's smoking and I got firm about it. I told her I didn't approve of what she was allowing the child to do--she is 15, maybe 16 since she just had a birthday, yes, her sweet 16th birthday. I told TA that I knew she couldn't stop AnnaD from sneaking and smoking but she could put her foot down and not give them to her. She agreed. But the child still smokes.

Friday I learn that TA had bought AnnaD a frozen daiquiri and AnnaD had taken it up to Stacie's and left it. Then last night as I was reading FB comments AnnaD had written as her status "sitting here drinking beer and wasting bullets" to which I commented "I sure hope you are joking" and she commented back that she was.

When I came in from church I heard TA and AnnaD coming out of the truck from feeding the horse so I stopped and asked TA if she was going to town in the morning so I could send my prescrip. No, she will go tomorrow evening.
Then I asked about the daiquiri. Yes she bought it for AnnaD, yes she made a mistake, no, she won't do it again.

To which I said, You weren't going to let her smoke but I bet you do. You should know if I don't approve of the child smoking I don't approve of her drinking and you do know that you and she can get in trouble for that.....that is contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Yes, yes, she knew all that, she made a mistake, she was listening, she wouldn't do it again.

I asked why do it in the first place? Was she so concerned about her child liking living up here that she would allow her to act as an adult; was she so afraid her daughter wouldn't love her? Was she wanting to just throw her child to the wolves? The answer to those questions was no of course.

Terry is very upset about her buying AnnaD the alcohol. I am too and plan to remind her tomorrow that if she continues to do such illegal things that she will be reported and will have to move because while I can't control what adults do on property that even though it's mine, they pay their bills, I can and do have a say when a minor is involved and I won't knowingly allow any adult, parent or otherwise to buy and give beer/alcohol or cigarettes to a minor.


--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Friday findings 1

So the doctor said TA had a cyst or cysts on her ovary/ovaries. This is from AnnaD since TA was still asleep.

Here is what I found on ovarian cysts

The most common types of ovarian cysts are the following:

• Follicular cyst: This type of simple cyst can form when ovulation does not occur or when a mature follicle involutes (collapses on itself). A follicular cyst  usually forms at the time of ovulation and can grow to about 2.3 inches in diameter. The rupture of this type of cyst can create sharp severe pain on the side of the ovary on which the cyst appears. This sharp pain (sometimes called mittelschmerz) occurs in the middle of the menstrual cycle, during ovulation. About one-fourth of women with this type of cyst experience pain. Usually, these cysts produce no symptoms and disappear by themselves within a few months.
  
  
• Corpus luteum cyst: This type of functional ovarian cyst occurs after an egg has been released from a follicle. After this happens, the follicle becomes what is known as a corpus luteum. If a pregnancy doesn't occur, the corpus luteum usually breaks down and disappears. It may, however, fill with fluid or blood and persist on the ovary. Usually, this cyst is found on only one side and produces no symptoms.
  
  
• Hemorrhagic cyst: This type of functional cyst occurs when bleeding occurs within a cyst. Symptoms such as abdominal pain on one side of the body may be present with this type of cyst.
  
  
• Dermoid cyst: This is a type of benign tumor sometimes referred to as mature cystic teratoma. It is an abnormal cyst that usually affects younger women and may grow to 6 inches in diameter. A dermoid cyst can contain other types of growths of body tissues such as fat and occasionally bone, hair, and cartilage.
  
  
  • The ultrasound image of this cyst type can vary because of the spectrum of contents, but a CT scan and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) can show the presence of fat and dense calcifications.
    
    
  • These cysts can become inflamed. They can also twist around (a condition known as ovarian torsion), compromising their blood supply and causing severe abdominal pain.
  
  
• Endometriomas or endometrioid cysts: Part of the condition known as endometriosis, this type of cyst is formed when endometrial tissue (the lining tissue of the uterus) is present on the ovaries. It affects women during the reproductive years and may cause chronic pelvic pain associated with menstruation.
  
  
  • Endometriosis is the presence of endometrial glands and tissue outside the uterus.
    
    
  • Women with endometriosis may have problems with fertility.
    
    
  • Endometrioid cysts, often filled with dark, reddish-brown blood, may range in size from 0.75-8 inches.
  
  
• Polycystic-appearing ovary: Polycystic-appearing ovary is diagnosed based on its enlarged size - usually twice that of normal - with small cysts present around the outside of the ovary. This condition can be found in healthy women and in women with hormonal (endocrine) disorders. An ultrasound is used to view the ovary in diagnosing this condition.
  
  
  • Polycystic-appearing ovary is different from the polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which includes other symptoms and physiological abnormalities in addition to the presence of ovarian cysts. Polycystic ovarian syndrome involves metabolic and cardiovascular risks linked to insulin resistance. These risks include increased glucose tolerance, type 2 diabetes, and high blood pressure.
    
    
    • Polycystic ovarian syndrome is associated with infertility, abnormal bleeding, increased incidences of miscarriage, and pregnancy-related complications.
      
      
    • Polycystic ovarian syndrome is extremely common and is thought to occur in 4%-7% of women of reproductive age and is associated with an increased risk for endometrial cancer.
      
      
    • The tests other than an ultrasound alone are required to diagnose polycystic ovarian syndrome.


• Cystadenoma: A cystadenoma is a type of benign tumor that develops from ovarian tissue. They may be filled with a mucous-type fluid material. Cystadenomas can become very large and may measure 12 inches or more in diameter.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Thursday Totals

Been a full day, as always. Arise, pee for the hundredth time as I have a UTI, coffee, a bit of computer, kids off to school, garbage out; even when & pulled Stacie's can down the hill. She has her hands full right now with a broken foot and nursing Chantel.
Off to work; run the sprinklers an hour or so each row--that's 5 hours. Worked on the pepper plants, pruning, gathering peppers and on breaks fiddled on the computer with an ad for the paper. Got it done to my satisfaction and sent it off. Gathers a bag of peppers to send to a neighbor, and still have several pots to work on tomorrow.

Home at noon, washed and peeled a bucket of potatoes, took those up to Stacie as she and CJ were cooking supper, then on to the church to do the work over there. Back home, take a break for a while, shower and get ready to go to Stacie's for supper then back to the church for a meeting.

When I got out of the shower, Stacie was down and let me know TA had taken herself to the ER in McComb. She had been hurting in her stomach all week. She thinks her mesh is torn or she has a hernia or cancer or she's dying. Seriously, every time she mentions some new or old ache or pain, it's cancer or the worst of anything you can have.

I think that she had a victim attitude. She's been abused, used, beaten and otherwise taken advantage of; she's waited on younguns and a husband for years until he died. now she wants to be waited on for a change, she wants the attention, she wants to lay around and have people wait on her hand and foot.
Yes, she's up every day, usually, by 10 or 11 anyway. Yes she stays busy doing something, but she is always in pain, sick to the stomach, hurting somewhere, can't move, can't think, can't eat...............

On a more positive note, CJ is improving wonderfully considering she almost died. She still has limited use of her right side, but little by little she sees improvement.



--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

Forrest General Hospital

September 12, 2011

Concerning Forrest General Hospital

On 4/27/11 I had a biopsy done at FGH for which I paid 500.00 down payment via credit card. I had no insurance so would have to pay for this myself. I went into the hospital that morning, had the biopsy done and came home. I watched the mail religiously for the bill for the remainder of the bill for the biopsy. I received the bill from Hattiesburg Clinic for Dr. V's work and the exrays and such, but nothing from the hospital.

On Wednesday (6/24/11) I opened what I thought was a statement from my credit card processing company to find a hospital bill. It was addressed to me, with a return address of CSRECS05 PO Box 1022 Wixom, MI 48393-1022. No where on the outside of the envelope was there any indication that this correspondence was from FGH.

I call the number provided on the bill, told the woman I spoke with of what had happened, how I mistook the bill for something else and didn't open it right away. I assured her there would be a check in the mail for 50.00 that day toward the 3,300.80 that I owed them. I was informed that they could not accept less than 90.00 on a bill of that amount. I must apply for patient assistance. I was given the information to do this, and faxed the information to Cerena Johnson that day.

The following week, on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 I typed a letter stating the above, sent the letter plus a copy of the faxed information to all addresses provided on the bill. These address included the return address, along with an address to FGH in Jackson. I also looked online and found the address to the hospital in Hattiesburg and sent the same information to that address.

From this point on I watched every piece of mail that came in to be sure I had no further correspondence from FGH re: my application for patient assistance. I also received word that my application for Medicaid insurance had been approved. I never received one piece of mail from FGH until Saturday, August 20, 2011. That day I received a letter/bill demanding that I pay the balance of 1057.02 that I owed FGH. The letter stated, "this is a demand for immediate payment in full on or before 10 days from this date of notice. The letter also stated that the Customer Service Department of FGH had attempted to resolve this outstanding balance with me." They had not. They had sent no mail, they had made no phone calls.

On Monday, August 22, 2011 I called the number provided on the bill and spoke with a Ms. Burrow. I told her I had been approved for Medicaid, I gave her my number and she assured me she would apply it to my bill. I also complained about the tone of the bill/letter and the fact there was a return address that gave no indication it was from the hospital. I was told that the mail is sent with this address because if the person they are sending the bill to has moved and left no forwarding address, it won't clog up the hospital's mail system.

On Monday, September 12 I received a letter with the return address of FGH informing me I had indeed qualified for reduction of my hospital bill.

If this situation with FGH hadn't been so frustrating, it would be down right hilarious. I have been harassed and mistreated in this billing situation with FGH at a time in my life when added stress is detrimental to my health problems. I have worried that I would be turn over to a credit reporting agency for non-payment when in fact I have done all I could to pay this bill, once I realized the odd return address indicated it was a bill from the hospital. I sure am glad that I took care of this prior to awaiting this letter of approval re: my qualification for medical assistance.

It is my opinion that FGH needs to hire more competent people to do their billing and collection and come up with a means of using their own name in the return address so consumers will know when they look at the envelope they are dealing with their bill not some piece of junk mail or something of lesser importance than their hospital bill.

Klara Reid

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

A day from you know where

My day began with the best of intentions. I was going to water the outside stuff, this after spending 45 minutes standing up all the bushes the wind had blown over over the weekend. I know, I know, it's Thursday already, but it didn't stop raining until late Monday and I haven't taken the time to stand them up. But I did this morning.

As I had just begun watering Dan Alford drove up. Now Dan is the stand in supervisor, the Sunday School Director and an overall fairly decent man, just with a few quirks. He's hard to understand and hard headed...he didn't leave till almost. He left when a customer drove up, and the customer was a neighbor of his, and bless pat if Dan didn't back into his truck while leaving. He dented the fender, but the man said to not worry about it.

Then the phone rings and it's BJ and i talk to him then to CJ. She sounds so good, speaking more clearly every day and it looking forward to coming home. She told me that she couldn't think of any better therapy than watering plants. I could shout hallejuhah over her recovery. Prayer works, people.

I get off the phone with her and Stacie calls. She and TA are in La. picking up checks and the school had called, Dylan had a nose bleed, could I run him a Benadryl down there. So I close the front door and off I go, meeting the UPS man as I turn in to the school--he stops and I stop, I collect my phones, run on and leave the pill at school and head back home. Of course AT&T has full service all this time, after forcing me, as much as telling me I may as well change carriers, I have service. Oh, I could cuss!!!

So, on the phone I go to activate them. First I have to figure out how to get the batteries in them, then we have to do the password for the wireless account and they need a wireless account number but there isn't one, so finally after over an hour, all phones are activated except for mine. I have to call ATT and cancel the ringmaster from my land line before that number can port over to the cell phone. When I called it would be over an hour wait, I had a pastor search meeting at 1, it was 12:30 so I had to run.


I went to the meeting, returned around 3:30, called ATT again and left my number for a call back.  I had to wait an hour for that call to be returned, then the girls were all pissy with each other. Anna D and Casey were saying Ana had an attitude and was saying she was going to starve herself to death. I went up to Stacie's to see what was going on, found Ana in tears because Casey had come in and yelled at her; so down the hill we go and I found them all at TA's, probably complaining about me and I had my say to all of them, including TA. I told them that every day it was either Ana this or Casey that or AnnaD the other and I was tired of it. I was also tired of everything being laughed off if it had to do with AnnaD but if it was Ana or Casey it was a huge horrid deal to TA--she denied it of course, then I pointed out how she laughed when I told her that Shandi said James was making out with one of Casey's friends in front of Shandi and Dylan--making out as in kissing was all Shandi said. I didn't think it was right but when i told TA, she laughed, but guarantee if it had been Ana, she would have wanted to commit her to a rehab center. In other words, I threw a hissy fit and told 'em all I was tired of all the bickering and running to me. I had spent the entire day either listening to some fool talk, or answering the phone or trying to activate their stupid phones and they had phones but I didn't, then having meetings and had to come home to Ana has a bad attitude...well, you want a bad attitude, I have one so deal with it.

Then I told 'em all that as close as CJ came to dying they should all be grateful to be alive, to have mothers, grandmothers, and whatevers who cared about them and stop arguing.

Whew...I feel even better than when i said it to them. LOL...see you are the lucky one now.
TA jumped in and said she screwed up this weekend and she really hated that she did that and I didn't remind her that she says that every time she screws up but she goes right on and does what she pleases anyway...so she must enjoy feeling bad about herself.

Then a customer came by with the check for , I think, rent on 10 ferns which need to delivered tomorrow evening to Ttown, I need to do church work, figure out where the mistake is that is keeping the checkbook from balancing, start on the financial statement and pay bills. Whew, I am dizzy just typing out my day. I'm tired.

But one thing went our way this way other than CJ improving--our friend James was nominated and elected chairman of the deacons. We didn't want anyone but him in that position. Yeah!!!!!


--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

ATT again

We have always had spotty service here. Way back with our first cell phone we went with Cellular South and had hardly any service. then we went to Cingular, which had good service but was bought out by AT&T. In the meantime, Cellular South put up a tower right down the road from us and our service dropped considerably. We would have service some, but still moments of no service and Terry and i seldom could call each other and get through. usually it was the ...wireless customer is not available...message.

Last week my friend and I went to the Public Service Commissionar site and complained about AT&T. I received an email from Drahos, Danin S and associate from the office of the AT&T President with his number. I didn't have time to call because of the situation with CJ, and the dude called me. We spoke a while about our spotty service and the assured me he would check into it. Service picked up for a few days. Then over the weekend service dropped. No service at all. I think maybe the weather took out a tower in some way, but I don't know. I gave my friend the #, she called and spoke to a lady who told her she might as well go with another carrier because it wasn't going to get any better than it was.

I plan to call the Public Service Commissioner tomorrow and see what they say. I called the Drahos fellow today and left a voice mail but of course he didn't return my call. I will call him back tomorrow also. I will call him daily until I speak with him.

I don't want to switch companys because no other company can offer me what I have at the price I pay. I would be paying at least 20-50 more a month for what I have. If I am forced to go with another company, then I will shut off my land line and use that money to pay the difference in the wireless plans. I keep the land line because of faxing and the credit card machine, but I bet I can figure how to accept cc via internet hookup if I need to--and then again, I may not need to worry about that.


--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

ATT

What can happen to cell service in a matter of a week or two. One can have reasonable service for a number of years, then suddenly very little service...make a complaint, someone from the office of the ATT president calls and promises to check into it and then suddenly one has NO cell service. Absolutely no service.
A friend of mine talked with a lady in the Presidents office today and was told to go with another carrier.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

CJ update

CJ was resting. They say--one of her doctors says that when she got the respitory infection and started the antibiotics, instead of the body's natural antibodies attacking the infection they started attacking the immune system instead. These are the abnormal spots in her brain on the MRI...they say the nerves up there have a white coating on them and her immune system is eating the white coating off the nerves and it shouldn't be.

They are keeping her sedated, pumping her full of antibiotic, anti-viral meds and steroids. Her oxygen level had dropped some today so they put her on oxygen. She woke up a couple of times and tried to talk but her mouth was so dry she couldn't be understood except for when she said, I can't right now. We don't know what she couldn't right now, but we understood it. She also said something about Tylertown, but again, we don't know what.

She has a neurologist, a gastrologist and a regular doctor and I know they aren't spelled correctly. But I don't care. LOL They say she will get well, it will just take a while.


--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

cj and stuff

One would think that occasionally an old couple, such as Terry and I, could make a trip away from home and have the plantation watched over. Wrong!
We had planned to go spend the Labor Day Weekend with Judy and Robert. TA was to watch the nursery. Well, CJ is sick, very sick, being transferred to Jackson and TA left for Oklahoma to visit with Robby last night.

CJ--wreck on August 8, bruised ribs, trip to La a few days later, came back covered in flea bites, a week later diagnosed with bronchitis and urinary tract infection, Wednesday admitted to hospital with limited function of right arm and leg. MRI, cat scans, spinal taps..so far all inconclusive but the MRI did show some suspicious spots. The neurologist in McComb won't be in till next week, so they send her to Jackson to be looked at.

TA, I confronted her Thursday about leaving the nursery while I was away and going to OK. She finally asked if she stayed and watered Saturday morning could she leave them. I agreed. Instead, after I left going to the coast, she talked Stacie into covering for her and she and her daughter left Friday evening. Stacie, broke foot, best friend in serious condition, left with 4 younguns to watch, horse to feed, dogs to tend and a nursery to watch. I don't think so.

And Lee, lets not forget Lee, who is dumping buckets of water all over us now.

Sigh. I am back home with a swollen throbbing nose...some sort of viral thing going on with my sinus. A sore inside my nose that hurts like hell.

--
Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

August catchup

It's been a while since I truly caught up here.
August 8, 2011 Stacie had a wreck. Seems a 19 year old, uninsured boy wanted to ride up the driver side of her car with his truck. She sustained a broken foot, Chantel had bruised ribs, Ana and Shandi were banged up and Casey had a piece of glass in her forehead. Otherwise they were ok but the car was a total.

BJ, Robby and James have gone to work in Ok. Chantel is now in the hospital. She spent the night at Troyanne's old house the week of the wreck and came home with what appeared to be flea bites. She was almost covered in them. By Saturday, August 27 she was running fever and the ER doctor diagnosed her with bronchitis, sinusitis and urinary tract infection. He gave her a shot of rocephen and some scripts. When the stores opened on Monday and she filled the antibiotic--she could only fill one as she had used up her fills for the month on medicaid so she chose the antibiotic. She took it Monday and by Tuesday was throwing up. Wednesday we took her to ER in McComb where they admitted her for dehydration. She is also having problems getting her right arm and leg to cooperate with the rest of her body.

We hope to ride to the coast and spend a day or two with Judy and Robert and shop at the outlet mall. It is supposed to rain all weekend so don't know how much shopping I will get done.

My sinus are hurting and I have a sore in the left nostril that makes me want to cry it hurts so bad. While pruning some basket material this morning I cut my left index finger instead of the plant. It hurts too. :D

up to date on hill

I have told each of these people on the hill to find them a job--I even took TA to the employment office with me yesterday when I took a resume down there for Stacie and I. There is a job opening in Foxworth for an office clerk and we both applied for it.
Robby is in Tickfaw taking an OSHA test and then supposedly leaving for Oklahoma to work with the crew he went with back after the tornadoes that hit up north. CJ's husband, Brian is filling out his app and taking his drug test so he will hopefully get to leave out Monday, if not today.

I don't know what kind of job TA will get but I told her the other day that I wasn't turning the nursery over to anyone. If Terry gets to work full time with the county I will either downsize or close the doors if I can find me a job in a controlled environment. I cannot depend on her to be here or do what needs to be done in a timely fashion.

CJ and Brian have been so far the best toward being of help--CJ helps water even with bruised ribs, helps cooks and cleans. BJ is up here every day, changing sprinklers, weeding, doing whatever I give him to do. He helped mow the church yard and Terry gave him his share of the money yesterday since he was going to put in for this job Robby helped him with. He told Terry we didn't owe him anything because we were providing the roof over his head...they stay at Stacie's but it's our house and no one pays rent.

Stacie can't get unemployment until a doctor releases her for work...because she was honest and stated on her weekly app that she was not able to work last week. She sure got pissed for being punished for being honest. Roy hasn't paid child support in over a month and even has requested a review of his child support payments. I wrote the letter to Child Support services for Stacie stating why I thought the amount paid didn't need to be changed unless their father was wishing to give them a cost of living increase...LOL.

AnnaD has been sick all week with what the ER doc called a sinus infection, but since she still feels horrible she thinks she is still sick. I keep telling her that sinus infections make you want to die you feel so bad.
They are wearing the thermometer out checking her temp now that she is on antibiotic...which is funny to me. The whole time before going to the doctor when her head was splitting they never checked her temp. Now she is on meds, they check it several times a day.

People are so funny!!!

I need to ask/tell you something in the strictest of confidence. Regina came by yesterday and told me that Anastasia told Sky she didn't love her Wednesday night and rolled her eyes at Regina. Seems Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah she loved them but then looked at Sky and said, I don't love you though.
Regina said that Casey (CJ's daughter) said to sky, but I love you. Regina led me to believe that she was standing right there and heard and saw all this.

So, when the girls came in I asked them about it. Casey said she couldn't figure out how Regina saw or heard any of the conversation since Regina wasn't close to them at all and there was a lot of youngun noise going on. She said what actually was said was Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah how much she loved them and missed them and Sky ran up and said something snarky to Ana and Ana says, whatever and rolled her eyes at Sky. I talked to the girls separately so they couldn't 'get their story straight' and Casey is prone to always tell it like it is even if it is her friend. She doesn't sugar coat anything.

So then I asked Ana and she said virtually the same thing with the addition of this--As mean as Sky was to my sister last year on the bus, I don't have anything for her but I did not say anything hateful to her.

So..here I sit knowing it would only make matters worse to take the girls to Regina and have them deny what she told me. Yet, I don't feel right having Ana apologize for something she didn't do. I was ready to punish her and make her apologize to both Regina and Sky, but Casey said she did not say that to the child. I do not believe that Ana or Shandi is beyond being little snits. I know they can be. I know Ana could have said that and been joking too because they all do it to each other.

Regina also said that Ana had yelled at Sky in the lunch room to go away and stay away from them (Ana and AnnaD) according to the woman who takes up the money in the lunch room, Robbie Puder. According to Regina, Sky had gone up to talk to AnnaD. Anna D has no recollection of this happening. Casey said Sky came up to her and Ana in the lunch room one day and other than telling Sky they couldn't sit together because it's the rules, Ana didn't say anything to her.

I hate this kind of stuff. I hate it with a passion.

--

Tie a Knot

When can one look back and say precisely when the chaos started, what was the initiating factor that caused the pyramid to begin to crumble. Maybe it isn't possible to do this.

I get busy with living life and forget to pay attention to the small details; small details that, at the time of event, don't seem so important. Yet down the road I begin to see that maybe that one event was the beginning of the war.

Wednesday tension was high. At the moment, I don't even remember what subject had certain people in an uproar, other than me and my crazies. Ever since being diagnosed with this bacteria, facing the reality of what is happening to my body, knowing I will have to give up the nursery business before many moons rise and set, plus some of the meds I am on, I have become a hard person to get along with, or so I think.

On the other hand, when I do share a few incidents with someone else, I am assured that I am not the outlaw here, I am not being treated right. I know I've stayed in a semi state of unrest and dissatisfaction for a number of months. TA came here assuring us all that she wanted to help in the nursery, wanted to learn how to run it, would do this and that and half a dozen other things. Truth is, yes she likes to help in the nursery. When it's convenient for her. The rest of the time she wants to be washing clothes, tending the horse, riding the roads when she has money until it's all gone. Yes, she works around here. She is constantly doing something--washing clothes, cleaning their pad, and during garden season, putting up veggies. All on her time schedule.

So tension has run high. But on Wednesday evening she walks in while I'm cooking supper and begins to tell us (Stacie, CJ and I) about how Robby jumped all over her Tuesday night, saying ugly, hurtful things to her, yadda, yadda, yadda--the same old, 'he got drunk' tale of woe. We emphathized, listened, shared a few things we'd learn, then I got ready for church and left. I felt that things were back on a more even keel with TA and I given she had mentioned she knew she needed to be up there helping me but with all this with Robby she just couldn't think straight.

Thursday they left going to La for doctor appointments. I worked alone, watering in the heat until noon, then shut the store as I've been doing since the heat got so bad. Later that evening Stacie asked if I knew Patrick was coming to which I replied in the negative. Later on around 6ish, Robby text to say Pat was coming to which I replied, About time ya'll told me. :) Rather than him answering, he either hands phone to TA or gets her phone and texted back saying they let me know as soon as they knew. I responded that both TA and AnnaD had been heard to say he was coming, but don't sweat it, supper is fixed if you're hungry when you get here.

Sure nuff' they come in, fix a plate and take it back to their pad, never even saying much to me. Of course they never came over to help clean up the kitchen either and they saw me working on the church financial report. Oh well, nothing new.

Stacie and CJ left after supper heading to Texas to get BJ, CJ's husband and I had all 4 kids. So I got them settled, did my work, washed the dishes and went to bed. Friday (today) I get up and go to work as usual. Around 8 Stacie, CJ and BJ come in, stop by a minute then head home for a bit. A short while later Stacie comes back pissed to high heaven about Robby and TA. For the life of me I can't remember what they were arguing over other than some money TA was supposed to have paid Stacie back, but they brought the argument to the store with Robby being short and ugly with me. I managed to quietly tell him how I felt about the supper incident and to let him know that I was done with TA.

It was funny that in less than an hour TA came wandering up and planted up some rose cuttings she had rooted but didn't offer to do anything else toward helping me. Of course the watering was done. Stacie and the girls had helped me, but it would have been nice had she offered.

Anywho, it gets 12 and I close and head to the house with Stacie who wants a witness when she asks TA why Anastasia can't go fishing with Robby and TA. So we find TA and Stacie asks--Why can't Ana go fishing with all? Why did you tell her she couldn't go? TA says, "I don't care who goes". Stacie asks her again to which TA answers the same way so I ask, "Did you tell Ana she couldn't go fishing." TA says, "I was only repeating what Robby told to me to say."
Robby had come up and he told Stacie he said no because he didn't have enough life vest. Stacie told him she would remember that and walked away. I know she was hurt because she had took AnnaD and James to the river every time she took her kids and CJ's kids. Robby nor TA ever offered money to help get in either, they just sent their kids and never thought about it.

Lots of other things were said that were hurtful but such is life when so many people live so close together.

I left and went to see my doctor. I talked with him about 30 minutes about all the stuff that's going on; the effects the medicine is having on me; accepting my inability to do what I used to do, the kids and their lack of working with me, fear of the future and income. He is trying me on some Celexia to see if I can take it to help take the edge off during the day since I told him I just wanted to slap the snot out of everyone who didn't act right. Loud noises make me want to just scream and I do believe if I could get somewhere and had the breath to scream to the top of my lungs, I would feel better.

So I come home and Stacie and CJ have cooked supper, pork loin, potato salad and baked beans. It was sooo good. While we were waiting on it to cook, AnnaD comes in and says the women aren't going fishing because the horse is in heat and someone has to stay and watch her. I asked if they were going to camp out down by her pen.........in fact she had gotten out today and wandered down to the neighbors to visit with the male horse he has. Just what I need, another horse. Damn.

A while later TA texts to say she, AnnaD and James aren't going fishing, instead they are going to McComb. She is taking the kids to the bowling alley and will drop them off and go back and get them. I asked what about the horse and was told that she was coming back to check on the horse then go back and the kids--a trip of 100 miles. I was a bit smart aleck with her and said--ok, good you have plenty of money to buy all that gas to which she said she was going to go to walmart but because of the horse she didn't want to cause a problem. I told her to do whatever she wanted the horse would do whatever she wanted to do and she, TA, could deal with it when she got back.

When I left going to the church I stopped in to let them know where I was going. She was just sitting in her office chair and AnnaD was laying on the couch. When I got back around 8 they were gone.

It's times like these when I have to tie a knot and hang on. I know this too shall pass. I know I am being unreasonable at times. I also know I am not being treated fairly at times. I know Stacie has been hurt by TA and Robby and Stacie, much like her mother, has a hard time not allowing the hurt to turn to anger. It's a new experience for her and she is stumbling through this part of recovery, but at least she is trying. I know that if we all don't kill each other first, we should all grow through this and become closer, stronger and better people. I know that this could all work in my favor, but I also feel like I am being used like a dish rag in a kitchen full of busy cooks. I also know I can feel mighty sorry for myself and self pity is something I cannot afford to give into.



--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost