Letting Go

As I sit here this morning I have to smile at how life certainly is never the same. There are always surprises, changes, problems, victories, losses. To me, it is what makes life--well, life.

The girls spent the weekend with their dad on the coast where he lives. The came home yesterday evening-him dragging in 2 kids that belong to the new woman he is talking to at the time. There are always some other woman's kids hanging on, draining him, taking his attention. But I digress.

The girls informed me they wanted to go live with dad. Dad says he simply wants everyone to be on the same page with this. As a non-custodial person in the mix, I don't legally have a say, but I told them that if that was what they wanted, I was all for it--however, when they left, Dad would be responsible for Ana's phone bill which I now pay. I also told them that barring some legitimate disaster, they would not move down there, then a month or so later get all upset with dad and move bck. We would not start the yo-yo effect with living arrangements. Of course they agree.

Mom, however, initially did not. Her first thoughts were no child support, therefore she couldn't pay her bills. Heck, she only gets child support about 5 months out of a year now. She feared she would lose her Medicaid insurance. I believe it is income based not number of children based and without child support,she has no income. She stated she would get on her bike and drive away if this happens because she would not ask her dad and I to help her. Excuse me, who helps her now?

She could clean out the little shed apartment and move in there. If she wanted internet, she'd have to either come over here or pay for it there as even a strong router won't quite reach the shed not for good connection. The tv box could be moved out there so she would have TV and she'd have to be conservative with electric use, but otherwise she could make it especially if she found her some little job or miracle of miracles--was finally approved for disability. I'd prefer she go to work. I know she could find something even with all her problems; after all, I did.

But that is just me.

I talked with the girls this morning. I assured them I wanted what was best for them, but I reminded them of the problems that would--not might--but WOULD arise with their father. Job loss is inevitable. It's a given with him. No job will mean no phone for them while he continues to hang onto his. No job means he gets irritable and loses his temper quickly and this, my friends, is NOT a pretty sight. They have never seen that side of him. They will be totally dependant on him for medical insurance and doctor and dental visits and he is not a very responsible person. There just are a lot of things he will not see to in a timely fashion which they have no clue about.

On the other hand--learning all these things first hand may be one of the best life lessons they can learn.

So for now, with that being said--I am truly working on Letting Go and Letting God.

--

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

'Maya Angelou'

Stacie missing-oops-in jail

Tuesday, May 27, 2014 Stacie left around 4-4:30 following Bruce Harrington going to the lake in Marion County. 

By Friday she hadn't shown up at home so I got Bruce's number from Chantel and called him-he claimed he and Stacie both left the lake at the same time, Stacie headed home, he headed where ever he heads.

Called local Sheriff's office. Billy Wayne came up. As I gave him info, phone rang. Number was from Marion-Walthall correctional facility. Lady said she worked there, and if they knew she called she would lose her job, but Stacie was in jail and hadn't been given her phone call yet.

I got off phone, Billy Wayne left, I called same facility to be told no, there was no Stacie on the docket.

Talked with Bruce Boyd (not the Bruce of Stacie saga). He will see what he can find out at local SD.

Bruce came by, verified she is in jail. Bradly M called and said she was in on possession of drugs. Was picked up the 28th by Columbia Police Dept. Sumrall has a hold on her also.

Called Roy. May have problems with custody of kids.

Lord Help me.

--

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

'Maya Angelou'

me generation

Morning.

Church yesterday was quite the experience. Arrived in a rain storm, was presented with 3 months of the pastor's retirement forms he had failed to get to me after finally getting him an account set up with them! Took care of that.

Then we discovered we had ran out of gas. Probably Terry's fault for not checking the tank since he's the deacon of the month. Oh well. Stuff happens. The whole church smelled awful of gas which wasn't helping my breathing issues.

Cleared up a question I had on a deposit. Nope, wasn't my adding this time. :D

Sunday School went off without a hitch, but right after the preacher began preaching the lights went off...thankfully for only a few moments.

This morning when Terry went to leave he said that CJ must have gone back to the motel with her bf, which is where we were told she was most of the week. Guess she was using that SSI check she gets wisely. (sarcasm used here) As Terry left, I asked Shandi if CJ went home last night and she sighs and says..."No, her and my mama left late last night and only told me they were going to a friends. My mama wouldn't tell me what friend they were going to see. "

I let her know how sorry I was that she was alone and asked why she didn't come spend the night with me. Her reply was that it was lightening and dark and she didn't have a flashlight. She probably didn't have a phone to call me either because I would have gone to get her. I will talk to her daddy about getting her a simple phone, easy for her to text and talk on so she will have a means of getting hold of me. She said her mom leaving left her without an alarm and the little free phone she has doesn't have an alarm.

--

The 3 C's of life
Choice, chance, change
Make a choice
To take a chance
or life never changes.

Done!

That Christmas gathering of my side of the family; only this year it was minus that good for nothing brother of mine and plus that silly boy my 17 year old niece married.

OMG!!! First of all, the daddy (bil) smokes. He must smoke one behind the other at home and he must not bathe but once a month and this wasn't the time of the month for a bath because I almost gagged from the smoke when they first came in. Of course it's on everyone's clothes because everyone lives in the house and it is a tiny house.

Then later, I almost gagged because over the stinky smoke smell was the *I DON"T REMEMBER WHEN I BATHED* smell...talk about an appetite killer. Have I said, OMG???

Then we have to consider the majority of the crew are a few nuts short of full acorn tree; so we have talk of farting, stinking up the bathroom, rolling over on people and smushing them in their sleep and calling each other fat butt and whatever else crosses their mind. **sigh** and ***sigh again***

then there is sister who grins through it all. What else can she do? She works her butt off at Walmart decorating cakes and they sit around home and do nothing as far as I can see but stink up the place. *sigh* 

And then there is smart Holly who has a brilliant mind, a talent for drawing and a quick wit--Holly isn't bad to be around. She just talks 100 MPH and often with some accent that makes her very hard to understand.

I prayed hard they would hurry and leave. This began at the end of the first hour. By then the odor had penetrated the very crevices of my home, had taken up residence in my nose. After all, it was 5 PM...make that an hour an a half after arrival--they were supposed to be here at 4, they arrived at 3:30. I prayed from then until almost 6 before they finally stopped dissing each other, stuffing cheese and chocolate treats in their mouth, stinking up my toilet and otherwise making a nuisance of themselves.

I swear, when the word redneck hillbilly was invented there was a picture of these right there by it!!!

Please don't get me wrong. I love my sister. While she has her faults--baby talking all the time, never really listening to another's side of the story, still I look at her and wonder how we can be related. In fact I have pondered if we really are full blood relatives. And that man she married just dropped in from somewhere in the back woods.

*again I say, sigh*

--

The 3 C's of life
Choice, chance, change
Make a choice
To take a chance
or life never changes.

somewhere in between

Tuesday, December 3rd wasn't one of those *worst* days of my life. It wasn't one of those *best* days of my life. It was simply one of those days where you simply wanted to go home and take a pill or fix something stronger than a glass of water-IF you had those tendencies. :D

Noticed I had about 8 more days left on my hormones. Checked pharmacy website and no, the new prescript the NP had written 2 weeks prior was NOT there. Called the pharmacy, they said they could check with the doctor..all of this was on Monday. Tuesday, still no hormone prescript at the pharmacy. True, I still have 7 days, but this hormone takes a day or two for insurance to approve so time is important. Called the pharmacy they said to call the doctor's office. Called the doc's office and finally the receptionist said I had to come in and pick up the script.

I knew this. I told the NP this but NO, he knew more than me and said it wasn't necessary. So I drive to town, pick up my script and while there I go by the bank to close out 3 little accounts that had been started for grands and their parents wouldn't contribute. My plans were to give my 2 girls here their money and I had already given the neice her's for her wedding. Well, come to find out the bank had sucked up all but Ana's in fees and hadn't bothered to send out a letter. She said it was in the FINE print. yeah right!!! 

On to the town my scripts are filled in and I, thinking that since this script has to picked up in person then I need to take it straight to the pharmacy. NO, they don't want responsibility for it until it can be filled and that won't be until the 10th at which time I won't have any left....so look out world!!!!

Then I decided to stop in Walmart and pick up a few things for candy making and crafting and remembered Terry needed multi-vitamins; so I pick him up some, got some other things, but forgot the dipping chocolate and when I got home and unloaded everything I noticed that the vitamins I got Terry were WOMEN"s...so guess what peeps--he is gonna take them till they run out. Maybe he won't grow boobs...roflmo. It says it's good for metabolism so maybe it will rev his up and he will lose a pound, suppose?

*sigh*

--

The 3 C's of life
Choice, chance, change
Make a choice
To take a chance
or life never changes.

Thanks for all the positives I have

Thanksgiving has come and gone. While I am thankful that I have beautiful, loving grand-daughters and a son who cares, along with inlaws; there are quite a few things I find it difficult to be thankful for ...even though I know I learn and grow from these hardships.

Shandi, my younger grand from my daughter spent all of Thanksgiving holiday with me. It was super cold for one thing and her mother doesn't make a lot of effort to keep a warm spot for the child. The folks from the coast were up and she enjoys spending time with them and playing cards and mama was being ---well, mama. Mama chooses to not come around when Judy and Robert are up because she doesn't like the way they talk about her tatoos and her lifestyle.

So, while daughter helped make her dad's birthday German chocolate cake on Tuesday, and came back and ate stew with us that night; we haven't seen her since. Shandi helped me clean the shed so she would have a private place of her own and she stayed there until Sunday. Sunday she spent some time with mom and whatever was said convinced Shandi to go back up there with her mom.

This evening Ana was asking her mom for some clothes that her friend Casey had sent back by her mom today. Daughter refuses to send them by Shandi and Ana's dad tells her to not be going up to her mom's house...there is a reason for that too. Mom, her friend CJ and their bf, Bruce will party hard (if you get my drift) in daughter's room and Shandi can hear them. When they aren't doing the 3-some, it's CJ and Bruce or when Daughter is angry with CJ it is her and Bruce. Quite an example to be setting for her youngest child.

So, Ana asks her mom for the clothes. Stacie replies that it isn't CJ's place to keep Ana's stuff and she can come get it if she wants it. And replies that CJ is the one who got her stuff, so she should know where it is and adds that she (Ana) wants nothing to do with her mom. Mom then asks for her Buffy tapes back and Ana says when she is done with them at which mom pops back with *finished tearing them up you mean*. Anytime something breaks or is missing, Ana did it.

Shandi goes up to her house and looks for Ana's clothes. Eventually she comes back crying and says that she wishes mom would stop saying that Ana doesn't love her and that their dad is trying to get her (Shandi) to not love her mom. 

Oh, the crap daughter lays on these kids--ya'll don't love me. Your dad is trying to take ya'll from me. I am mad at your paw and I won't go back down there ever. (She is mad because Paw ran their boyfriend off)

I so wish I had the answer to ease the pain they both (grands) must be feeling. Having had a mentally sick mother I am somewhat familiar with what they go through. God please help me to be the person I need to be for them.

--

The 3 C's of life
Choice, chance, change
Make a choice
To take a chance
or life never changes.

grins and giggles

Yesterday the two girls were having a heated argument...Ana gave Shandi back a pair of shoes she had borrowed and when Shan asked why, Ana replied "They are too wide for my foot". Shandi immediate replied with "So you are saying I have a fat foot?" And from there the words flew. I was in the living room taking care of winterizing the window and as I listened to them I found myself grinning. The absurdity of their argument; the truth that each had a valid point; the knowledge that even as an adult I had argued just as ridiculously all gave me reason to actually laugh out loud.

They got on the bus still huffy and angry with each other. I remember when I would have tried to fix the problem before they got on the bus. I remember when I would have stressed all day over how their day went and what kind of trouble did they get into on the bus. This day, as they left for the bus, I sent up a quick prayer and immediately forgot about the argument. When they came in from school it was as though the argument had never happened.

Today, Stacie and I went to town to buy groceries. I had to take Ana to the doc on the way as she was sick with a sinus infection. Before making it to Walmart we went to McDonalds for a burger. While we ate, Ana's dad called and after he and I talked, he talked with Ana some and as they got off the phone we heard her say, I love you too, dad. There followed a long period of stress where Stacie tried to force Ana to say I love you to her by guilting and anger...none of which worked and surprisingly none of which disturbed my serenity. I did tell them both that we were in public and they could act accordingly, then I changed the subject.

I am so thankful that God is moving me toward not taking everything so seriously, that I am seeing how so much in my life simply isn't that important and how just remaining cool, calm and collected usually saves the day, so to speak. Maybe I am just too old to let these things bug me. Maybe I realize how short my time on this earth really is. Maybe I realize that God really is in control and it's ok if I let go...maybe all the above apply. 

It is good whatever it is.

--

The 3 C's of life
Choice, chance, change
Make a choice
To take a chance
or life never changes.