When they don't take care of what they're supposed to take care of--what do many of them do? Run to mama or daddy.
Why? Because as Robby told Stacie one time--mom and dad will always take care of it for me.
And for many years we did. While he spent his money on alcohol and drugs, going out partying, new clothes, movies, etc--we paid fines so they wouldn't come arrest him. After all, he was working. We didn't want to screw that up. Still, he never used his money to pay his obligations.
Finally one day I had enough. I refused and continue to refuse to work my ass off to hand the money over to a person perfectly capable of working and managing his money. Period.
When I married, I cut all hopes of help from my folks. True, mom did let us stay with her a month when we moved back home from the coast, just until we found a place to live.
If I wanted a home, I had to work and earn the money to rent or buy it. If I wanted to take care of my son, I had to fork over the money. If I wanted a way to go places, I had to buy it, insure it and put gas in it. If I wanted health insurance, it was up to me.
When Terry and I both quit our jobs on the same day--each not knowing the other quit--we found something to do to earn enough to pay the necessities. We didn't have any extra for non essentials--but we made it until we both found regular jobs again.
Why was it ok for us to fend for ourselves and it isn't for our kids?
I know times are rough. I know our kids have a problem==addiction. But how often have we allowed them to figure a way out of the problem they have gotten themselves into?
I know there are times when help is necessary. My grandma helped me out a couple of times when she saw a need. But, she also saw that I was doing everything I could to make it and she knew the situation was basically beyond my control. That's when we should want to help, if and when we can financially.
I don't mean to be pointing the finger at anyone who has helped their child simply because anytime a finger is pointed at anyone, there are 3 more pointing back at me. I've done it all.
But I, so far, have stopped doing it for my son. The only way he gets any money from me is to work for it and I don't pay him above average wage either.
The only way I help Stacie, is one big ticket purchase at a time for which she simply doesn't have the funds for at one time...such as 4 new tires. Then she pays that back and there is no other help until that loan is paid is off. Anything else I do, is because I want to do it and I can afford to it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
visitation update
We had our session with the counselor yesterday, and since she's in the office with the youth court judge, I had hoped to have a chance to speak with him.
As if on cue, he came in, even though he wasn't actually working yesterday, before Stacie and I went in to update Sylvia.
I briefly explained to him the important parts of the visitation problem--snake and boxer shorts. I reiterated that we both do desire the girls have a relationship with their dad, but it needs to be a safe relationship.
He checked the computer on the last known visitation order, but unfortunately it was signed before they began putting everything in the computer. He said we couldn't get a copy of it because it's youth court and all that is confidential.
He did say, however, that if the snake and boxer short problem continues for us to contact DHS and let our caseworker start an investigation.
*duh* I hadn't thought of that, since it was concerning brief visits not permanent custody.
The girls did go visit their dad. I don't recall if I posted about that. He finally came at 10:20 on Saturday to get them. The girls said when they got to his house, the boys were elsewhere and when Michelle came in from where ever she was and discovered they were there, she left and didn't return until 11 at night, at which time she slept in the other bedroom. The boys were not present at all.
Dad brought them home at 11 on Sunday morning. So we endured 3 days of aggravation for him to have a 24 hour visit. Neat, huh?
Sylvia took extensive notes concerning the visitation saga and I carried her a copy of the details I had typed up.
Stacie, Ana and Sylvia had a good session together, working on Ana's perception that her mom loves Shan more than Ana. Sylvia doesn't get to see Stacie often, due to her work schedule--so it was good that she had this time with her.
All in all, I left feeling much confident that the visitation will be worked out for the girls best interest. I also feel that maybe now, with the knowledge that she can take steps herself via DHS to insure the girls visits with their dad are safe...Stacie will feel less fearful about Roy's threats to take the girls away from her.
And the New Year marches on.
As if on cue, he came in, even though he wasn't actually working yesterday, before Stacie and I went in to update Sylvia.
I briefly explained to him the important parts of the visitation problem--snake and boxer shorts. I reiterated that we both do desire the girls have a relationship with their dad, but it needs to be a safe relationship.
He checked the computer on the last known visitation order, but unfortunately it was signed before they began putting everything in the computer. He said we couldn't get a copy of it because it's youth court and all that is confidential.
He did say, however, that if the snake and boxer short problem continues for us to contact DHS and let our caseworker start an investigation.
*duh* I hadn't thought of that, since it was concerning brief visits not permanent custody.
The girls did go visit their dad. I don't recall if I posted about that. He finally came at 10:20 on Saturday to get them. The girls said when they got to his house, the boys were elsewhere and when Michelle came in from where ever she was and discovered they were there, she left and didn't return until 11 at night, at which time she slept in the other bedroom. The boys were not present at all.
Dad brought them home at 11 on Sunday morning. So we endured 3 days of aggravation for him to have a 24 hour visit. Neat, huh?
Sylvia took extensive notes concerning the visitation saga and I carried her a copy of the details I had typed up.
Stacie, Ana and Sylvia had a good session together, working on Ana's perception that her mom loves Shan more than Ana. Sylvia doesn't get to see Stacie often, due to her work schedule--so it was good that she had this time with her.
All in all, I left feeling much confident that the visitation will be worked out for the girls best interest. I also feel that maybe now, with the knowledge that she can take steps herself via DHS to insure the girls visits with their dad are safe...Stacie will feel less fearful about Roy's threats to take the girls away from her.
And the New Year marches on.
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