I have told each of these people on the hill to find them a job--I even took TA to the employment office with me yesterday when I took a resume down there for Stacie and I. There is a job opening in Foxworth for an office clerk and we both applied for it.
Robby is in Tickfaw taking an OSHA test and then supposedly leaving for Oklahoma to work with the crew he went with back after the tornadoes that hit up north. CJ's husband, Brian is filling out his app and taking his drug test so he will hopefully get to leave out Monday, if not today.
I don't know what kind of job TA will get but I told her the other day that I wasn't turning the nursery over to anyone. If Terry gets to work full time with the county I will either downsize or close the doors if I can find me a job in a controlled environment. I cannot depend on her to be here or do what needs to be done in a timely fashion.
CJ and Brian have been so far the best toward being of help--CJ helps water even with bruised ribs, helps cooks and cleans. BJ is up here every day, changing sprinklers, weeding, doing whatever I give him to do. He helped mow the church yard and Terry gave him his share of the money yesterday since he was going to put in for this job Robby helped him with. He told Terry we didn't owe him anything because we were providing the roof over his head...they stay at Stacie's but it's our house and no one pays rent.
Stacie can't get unemployment until a doctor releases her for work...because she was honest and stated on her weekly app that she was not able to work last week. She sure got pissed for being punished for being honest. Roy hasn't paid child support in over a month and even has requested a review of his child support payments. I wrote the letter to Child Support services for Stacie stating why I thought the amount paid didn't need to be changed unless their father was wishing to give them a cost of living increase...LOL.
AnnaD has been sick all week with what the ER doc called a sinus infection, but since she still feels horrible she thinks she is still sick. I keep telling her that sinus infections make you want to die you feel so bad.
They are wearing the thermometer out checking her temp now that she is on antibiotic...which is funny to me. The whole time before going to the doctor when her head was splitting they never checked her temp. Now she is on meds, they check it several times a day.
People are so funny!!!
I need to ask/tell you something in the strictest of confidence. Regina came by yesterday and told me that Anastasia told Sky she didn't love her Wednesday night and rolled her eyes at Regina. Seems Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah she loved them but then looked at Sky and said, I don't love you though.
Regina said that Casey (CJ's daughter) said to sky, but I love you. Regina led me to believe that she was standing right there and heard and saw all this.
So, when the girls came in I asked them about it. Casey said she couldn't figure out how Regina saw or heard any of the conversation since Regina wasn't close to them at all and there was a lot of youngun noise going on. She said what actually was said was Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah how much she loved them and missed them and Sky ran up and said something snarky to Ana and Ana says, whatever and rolled her eyes at Sky. I talked to the girls separately so they couldn't 'get their story straight' and Casey is prone to always tell it like it is even if it is her friend. She doesn't sugar coat anything.
So then I asked Ana and she said virtually the same thing with the addition of this--As mean as Sky was to my sister last year on the bus, I don't have anything for her but I did not say anything hateful to her.
So..here I sit knowing it would only make matters worse to take the girls to Regina and have them deny what she told me. Yet, I don't feel right having Ana apologize for something she didn't do. I was ready to punish her and make her apologize to both Regina and Sky, but Casey said she did not say that to the child. I do not believe that Ana or Shandi is beyond being little snits. I know they can be. I know Ana could have said that and been joking too because they all do it to each other.
Regina also said that Ana had yelled at Sky in the lunch room to go away and stay away from them (Ana and AnnaD) according to the woman who takes up the money in the lunch room, Robbie Puder. According to Regina, Sky had gone up to talk to AnnaD. Anna D has no recollection of this happening. Casey said Sky came up to her and Ana in the lunch room one day and other than telling Sky they couldn't sit together because it's the rules, Ana didn't say anything to her.
I hate this kind of stuff. I hate it with a passion.
--
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tie a Knot
When can one look back and say precisely when the chaos started, what was the initiating factor that caused the pyramid to begin to crumble. Maybe it isn't possible to do this.
I get busy with living life and forget to pay attention to the small details; small details that, at the time of event, don't seem so important. Yet down the road I begin to see that maybe that one event was the beginning of the war.
Wednesday tension was high. At the moment, I don't even remember what subject had certain people in an uproar, other than me and my crazies. Ever since being diagnosed with this bacteria, facing the reality of what is happening to my body, knowing I will have to give up the nursery business before many moons rise and set, plus some of the meds I am on, I have become a hard person to get along with, or so I think.
On the other hand, when I do share a few incidents with someone else, I am assured that I am not the outlaw here, I am not being treated right. I know I've stayed in a semi state of unrest and dissatisfaction for a number of months. TA came here assuring us all that she wanted to help in the nursery, wanted to learn how to run it, would do this and that and half a dozen other things. Truth is, yes she likes to help in the nursery. When it's convenient for her. The rest of the time she wants to be washing clothes, tending the horse, riding the roads when she has money until it's all gone. Yes, she works around here. She is constantly doing something--washing clothes, cleaning their pad, and during garden season, putting up veggies. All on her time schedule.
So tension has run high. But on Wednesday evening she walks in while I'm cooking supper and begins to tell us (Stacie, CJ and I) about how Robby jumped all over her Tuesday night, saying ugly, hurtful things to her, yadda, yadda, yadda--the same old, 'he got drunk' tale of woe. We emphathized, listened, shared a few things we'd learn, then I got ready for church and left. I felt that things were back on a more even keel with TA and I given she had mentioned she knew she needed to be up there helping me but with all this with Robby she just couldn't think straight.
Thursday they left going to La for doctor appointments. I worked alone, watering in the heat until noon, then shut the store as I've been doing since the heat got so bad. Later that evening Stacie asked if I knew Patrick was coming to which I replied in the negative. Later on around 6ish, Robby text to say Pat was coming to which I replied, About time ya'll told me. :) Rather than him answering, he either hands phone to TA or gets her phone and texted back saying they let me know as soon as they knew. I responded that both TA and AnnaD had been heard to say he was coming, but don't sweat it, supper is fixed if you're hungry when you get here.
Sure nuff' they come in, fix a plate and take it back to their pad, never even saying much to me. Of course they never came over to help clean up the kitchen either and they saw me working on the church financial report. Oh well, nothing new.
Stacie and CJ left after supper heading to Texas to get BJ, CJ's husband and I had all 4 kids. So I got them settled, did my work, washed the dishes and went to bed. Friday (today) I get up and go to work as usual. Around 8 Stacie, CJ and BJ come in, stop by a minute then head home for a bit. A short while later Stacie comes back pissed to high heaven about Robby and TA. For the life of me I can't remember what they were arguing over other than some money TA was supposed to have paid Stacie back, but they brought the argument to the store with Robby being short and ugly with me. I managed to quietly tell him how I felt about the supper incident and to let him know that I was done with TA.
It was funny that in less than an hour TA came wandering up and planted up some rose cuttings she had rooted but didn't offer to do anything else toward helping me. Of course the watering was done. Stacie and the girls had helped me, but it would have been nice had she offered.
Anywho, it gets 12 and I close and head to the house with Stacie who wants a witness when she asks TA why Anastasia can't go fishing with Robby and TA. So we find TA and Stacie asks--Why can't Ana go fishing with all? Why did you tell her she couldn't go? TA says, "I don't care who goes". Stacie asks her again to which TA answers the same way so I ask, "Did you tell Ana she couldn't go fishing." TA says, "I was only repeating what Robby told to me to say."
Robby had come up and he told Stacie he said no because he didn't have enough life vest. Stacie told him she would remember that and walked away. I know she was hurt because she had took AnnaD and James to the river every time she took her kids and CJ's kids. Robby nor TA ever offered money to help get in either, they just sent their kids and never thought about it.
Lots of other things were said that were hurtful but such is life when so many people live so close together.
I left and went to see my doctor. I talked with him about 30 minutes about all the stuff that's going on; the effects the medicine is having on me; accepting my inability to do what I used to do, the kids and their lack of working with me, fear of the future and income. He is trying me on some Celexia to see if I can take it to help take the edge off during the day since I told him I just wanted to slap the snot out of everyone who didn't act right. Loud noises make me want to just scream and I do believe if I could get somewhere and had the breath to scream to the top of my lungs, I would feel better.
So I come home and Stacie and CJ have cooked supper, pork loin, potato salad and baked beans. It was sooo good. While we were waiting on it to cook, AnnaD comes in and says the women aren't going fishing because the horse is in heat and someone has to stay and watch her. I asked if they were going to camp out down by her pen.........in fact she had gotten out today and wandered down to the neighbors to visit with the male horse he has. Just what I need, another horse. Damn.
A while later TA texts to say she, AnnaD and James aren't going fishing, instead they are going to McComb. She is taking the kids to the bowling alley and will drop them off and go back and get them. I asked what about the horse and was told that she was coming back to check on the horse then go back and the kids--a trip of 100 miles. I was a bit smart aleck with her and said--ok, good you have plenty of money to buy all that gas to which she said she was going to go to walmart but because of the horse she didn't want to cause a problem. I told her to do whatever she wanted the horse would do whatever she wanted to do and she, TA, could deal with it when she got back.
When I left going to the church I stopped in to let them know where I was going. She was just sitting in her office chair and AnnaD was laying on the couch. When I got back around 8 they were gone.
It's times like these when I have to tie a knot and hang on. I know this too shall pass. I know I am being unreasonable at times. I also know I am not being treated fairly at times. I know Stacie has been hurt by TA and Robby and Stacie, much like her mother, has a hard time not allowing the hurt to turn to anger. It's a new experience for her and she is stumbling through this part of recovery, but at least she is trying. I know that if we all don't kill each other first, we should all grow through this and become closer, stronger and better people. I know that this could all work in my favor, but I also feel like I am being used like a dish rag in a kitchen full of busy cooks. I also know I can feel mighty sorry for myself and self pity is something I cannot afford to give into.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
I get busy with living life and forget to pay attention to the small details; small details that, at the time of event, don't seem so important. Yet down the road I begin to see that maybe that one event was the beginning of the war.
Wednesday tension was high. At the moment, I don't even remember what subject had certain people in an uproar, other than me and my crazies. Ever since being diagnosed with this bacteria, facing the reality of what is happening to my body, knowing I will have to give up the nursery business before many moons rise and set, plus some of the meds I am on, I have become a hard person to get along with, or so I think.
On the other hand, when I do share a few incidents with someone else, I am assured that I am not the outlaw here, I am not being treated right. I know I've stayed in a semi state of unrest and dissatisfaction for a number of months. TA came here assuring us all that she wanted to help in the nursery, wanted to learn how to run it, would do this and that and half a dozen other things. Truth is, yes she likes to help in the nursery. When it's convenient for her. The rest of the time she wants to be washing clothes, tending the horse, riding the roads when she has money until it's all gone. Yes, she works around here. She is constantly doing something--washing clothes, cleaning their pad, and during garden season, putting up veggies. All on her time schedule.
So tension has run high. But on Wednesday evening she walks in while I'm cooking supper and begins to tell us (Stacie, CJ and I) about how Robby jumped all over her Tuesday night, saying ugly, hurtful things to her, yadda, yadda, yadda--the same old, 'he got drunk' tale of woe. We emphathized, listened, shared a few things we'd learn, then I got ready for church and left. I felt that things were back on a more even keel with TA and I given she had mentioned she knew she needed to be up there helping me but with all this with Robby she just couldn't think straight.
Thursday they left going to La for doctor appointments. I worked alone, watering in the heat until noon, then shut the store as I've been doing since the heat got so bad. Later that evening Stacie asked if I knew Patrick was coming to which I replied in the negative. Later on around 6ish, Robby text to say Pat was coming to which I replied, About time ya'll told me. :) Rather than him answering, he either hands phone to TA or gets her phone and texted back saying they let me know as soon as they knew. I responded that both TA and AnnaD had been heard to say he was coming, but don't sweat it, supper is fixed if you're hungry when you get here.
Sure nuff' they come in, fix a plate and take it back to their pad, never even saying much to me. Of course they never came over to help clean up the kitchen either and they saw me working on the church financial report. Oh well, nothing new.
Stacie and CJ left after supper heading to Texas to get BJ, CJ's husband and I had all 4 kids. So I got them settled, did my work, washed the dishes and went to bed. Friday (today) I get up and go to work as usual. Around 8 Stacie, CJ and BJ come in, stop by a minute then head home for a bit. A short while later Stacie comes back pissed to high heaven about Robby and TA. For the life of me I can't remember what they were arguing over other than some money TA was supposed to have paid Stacie back, but they brought the argument to the store with Robby being short and ugly with me. I managed to quietly tell him how I felt about the supper incident and to let him know that I was done with TA.
It was funny that in less than an hour TA came wandering up and planted up some rose cuttings she had rooted but didn't offer to do anything else toward helping me. Of course the watering was done. Stacie and the girls had helped me, but it would have been nice had she offered.
Anywho, it gets 12 and I close and head to the house with Stacie who wants a witness when she asks TA why Anastasia can't go fishing with Robby and TA. So we find TA and Stacie asks--Why can't Ana go fishing with all? Why did you tell her she couldn't go? TA says, "I don't care who goes". Stacie asks her again to which TA answers the same way so I ask, "Did you tell Ana she couldn't go fishing." TA says, "I was only repeating what Robby told to me to say."
Robby had come up and he told Stacie he said no because he didn't have enough life vest. Stacie told him she would remember that and walked away. I know she was hurt because she had took AnnaD and James to the river every time she took her kids and CJ's kids. Robby nor TA ever offered money to help get in either, they just sent their kids and never thought about it.
Lots of other things were said that were hurtful but such is life when so many people live so close together.
I left and went to see my doctor. I talked with him about 30 minutes about all the stuff that's going on; the effects the medicine is having on me; accepting my inability to do what I used to do, the kids and their lack of working with me, fear of the future and income. He is trying me on some Celexia to see if I can take it to help take the edge off during the day since I told him I just wanted to slap the snot out of everyone who didn't act right. Loud noises make me want to just scream and I do believe if I could get somewhere and had the breath to scream to the top of my lungs, I would feel better.
So I come home and Stacie and CJ have cooked supper, pork loin, potato salad and baked beans. It was sooo good. While we were waiting on it to cook, AnnaD comes in and says the women aren't going fishing because the horse is in heat and someone has to stay and watch her. I asked if they were going to camp out down by her pen.........in fact she had gotten out today and wandered down to the neighbors to visit with the male horse he has. Just what I need, another horse. Damn.
A while later TA texts to say she, AnnaD and James aren't going fishing, instead they are going to McComb. She is taking the kids to the bowling alley and will drop them off and go back and get them. I asked what about the horse and was told that she was coming back to check on the horse then go back and the kids--a trip of 100 miles. I was a bit smart aleck with her and said--ok, good you have plenty of money to buy all that gas to which she said she was going to go to walmart but because of the horse she didn't want to cause a problem. I told her to do whatever she wanted the horse would do whatever she wanted to do and she, TA, could deal with it when she got back.
When I left going to the church I stopped in to let them know where I was going. She was just sitting in her office chair and AnnaD was laying on the couch. When I got back around 8 they were gone.
It's times like these when I have to tie a knot and hang on. I know this too shall pass. I know I am being unreasonable at times. I also know I am not being treated fairly at times. I know Stacie has been hurt by TA and Robby and Stacie, much like her mother, has a hard time not allowing the hurt to turn to anger. It's a new experience for her and she is stumbling through this part of recovery, but at least she is trying. I know that if we all don't kill each other first, we should all grow through this and become closer, stronger and better people. I know that this could all work in my favor, but I also feel like I am being used like a dish rag in a kitchen full of busy cooks. I also know I can feel mighty sorry for myself and self pity is something I cannot afford to give into.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
insurance and elections
Local elections were yesterday, Bruce ran for supervisor, if he wins the slot, Terry will have a full time job short of the board of Supervisors not hiring someone to replace him. Bruce will face a run off with Milton Dunaway in 2 weeks, then he will go up against Clark McKenzie in November. Pray, pray, pray.
I got my notice from Medicaid yesterday. I have been approved for working disability and have a medicaid number now. I will be able to afford whatever is needed to get me well. Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
This is Wednesday, August 3. As of today, I've not seen a single one of TA's bunch or herself up here to help me. James gets a disability check each month and their MO is to stay on the road until that money is spent. No word to anyone on why they aren't helping. Nothing, Nadda. 2 more weeks and I will have more assurance as to whether I can shut this place down or not.
Robby didn't go to work today. Figures. He claims it was part time anyway.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
I got my notice from Medicaid yesterday. I have been approved for working disability and have a medicaid number now. I will be able to afford whatever is needed to get me well. Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
This is Wednesday, August 3. As of today, I've not seen a single one of TA's bunch or herself up here to help me. James gets a disability check each month and their MO is to stay on the road until that money is spent. No word to anyone on why they aren't helping. Nothing, Nadda. 2 more weeks and I will have more assurance as to whether I can shut this place down or not.
Robby didn't go to work today. Figures. He claims it was part time anyway.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Monday, August 1, 2011
unreliable
She is a troubled child. Can't depend on her for sure. Told me last night she was going to Columbia-17 miles east-to pay her cell phone and washer bill first thing this morning. Around 8:30 she comes up here to tell me the phones are off and as soon as she gets ready she is going to pay them, to use AnnaD's number if I need her. She leaves and an hour or so later the truck stops in front of the store headed west toward Hwy 27, opposite of Columbia. In between leaving the store and stopping back by Robby called looking for her so I tell him what she tells me.
AnnaD gets out, gets 3 drinks and babbles about oh here are her shoes she has been hunting, I see James in the back seat of the truck but only Anna D gets out. I don't ask where they are headed because I figure they will turn around and head toward Columbia.
The don't. They drive away in the opposite direction.
A half hour later or so Robby calls back, asking have I heard from her. I tell him what I know and have seen at which point when I say they left headed toward the west he says, AnnaD talked her mom into taking her to McComb, 25 miles west, to see that boy. What boy, I don't know.
I say, oh, ok. Well that's stupid to drive 25 miles to one town, then 25 + 17 miles the other direction to pay your bills all because of a want not a need.
Robby agreed and we got off the phone. I sent a text to AnnaD's phone but haven't received an answer.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
AnnaD gets out, gets 3 drinks and babbles about oh here are her shoes she has been hunting, I see James in the back seat of the truck but only Anna D gets out. I don't ask where they are headed because I figure they will turn around and head toward Columbia.
The don't. They drive away in the opposite direction.
A half hour later or so Robby calls back, asking have I heard from her. I tell him what I know and have seen at which point when I say they left headed toward the west he says, AnnaD talked her mom into taking her to McComb, 25 miles west, to see that boy. What boy, I don't know.
I say, oh, ok. Well that's stupid to drive 25 miles to one town, then 25 + 17 miles the other direction to pay your bills all because of a want not a need.
Robby agreed and we got off the phone. I sent a text to AnnaD's phone but haven't received an answer.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
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