Each year, Ana goes to Cheyenne's for her birthday party. It is this weekend. Beginning the first of Sept, it is all Ana talks about, to me and to her mom. Usually she goes on Friday nite and spends the nite to be there for the party, because Cheyenne lives on 583, up close to Brister's store, or whatever it's called now.
This morning Stacie came in a huff. On her weekly homework/classroom grades, she had a low math grade. I had signed the paper already and really didn't think twice about the grade. We all have bad days. Why she showed it to her mom I don't know, but she did and when Stacie asked her about the grade, she said because I was busy with Shandi and then we had to go to church, she didn't finish it.
Ana tends to see her world as black and white. Mama always pays more attention to Shandi, I always help Shandi more than I do her. Mama is nicer to Shandi than to Ana because mama sees herself in Ana and doesn't like what she sees. I do spend more homework time with Shandi because she needs it more. However, I go back and forth between the dining table and the living room helping both of them. Shan is at the table, Ana in the living room with the music on---I get to a point where I write down the answers Shan gives me so she can copy them since her spelling is bad, then I run to the living room and help Ana or check on her. Wednesday evenings, I'm also cooking whatever I'm taking to church.
So, mama says Ana is grounded not for the grade, but for not asking for help. She can't go to Cheyene' party. I say that since this has been planned for ages, find something else. Mama does agree to let her attend the party but not overnight. Ok, we compromised. Mama goes on to rant and rave about this and that in that mean, hateful tone, Ana is crying and it's almost time to go to school. mama tells her if she could afford it she would send Ana to a school that would teach her good attitude. I said that kids learn what is done in front of them. mama says she's gotten better, in this same hateful tone of voice she's used all morning. Ana is visibly upset about that idea. I tell mama that Ana doesn't ask her for help because I've heard mama refuse, actually tell her that as smart as Ana is she isn't going ot help her. I tell mama that if I were a kid, i wouldn't ask her for help either.
The bus comes, Stacie starts crying and says--would you please not correct me in the front of the kids again. I thought we were all supposed to agree in front of kids. She is right. I was wrong---but sometimes I just have to stand up for the kids. Usually I keep my mouth shut.
I say--ok, I"ll just be your peon, take the kids to all their activities and appointments and help them with their homework, and keep my mouth shut about discipline.
She leaves.
I cry.
I know I was wrong to disagree with her punishement, but she goes overboard with it, even saying she wasn't punishing Ana for the grade but for not asking for help. She also does it so hateful, it upsets me, so I know how the kid feels.
Then Stacie texts and says: how about I just keep my mouth shut and let you discipline since you know better than I, and I'm not being sarcastic.
I replied back that I didn't always know or do better, I loved her and we'd talk tonight.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Our IEP Meeting
We had a good meeting at the school. the inclusion teacher is Pam McNeil, . She seems nice. We'll see. She will work with Shan in her classroom 2 days one week and 3 days another week, if I understood her correctly. She will be taking Shan into the resource room-a separate classroom- to finish tests she may not have completed, and working with her on problem areas. She won't have the full 15 spelling words, but only 8 and will take her spelling test in the resource room where Pam can pronounce the words out more clearly and slowly because Shan spells better that way.
Certain tests, where they can, she will take separate from the regular class because the test will be modified to fit her learning ability. Patricia Boyd, her teacher was really a big help, pointing out where Shandi does well and where she falters. She also stated that Shandi worked harder than any other child in her class. Like us, she was puzzled over the Math learning disability which qualified Shan for Services, since Shan does reasonably well in math; still the discrepancy between the mean average and her score in reading and English, wasn't the full 23 points to qualify her. However, Julie, the Case Manager said Shan may have scored 21 or close to the 23 point discrepancy, but regardless, she functions at mid first grade level and that means she will receive help in all topics--math, English, Reading, Spelling.
The goals are to bring her up to 3rd grade level by years end; with modification for her learning ability. She will be kept in the regular classroom except for specific times when tests are being given or she has fallen behind the normal class work. Her regular teacher works with her already, using help aids where she is struggling. I really like Patricia and feel she is going to be wonderful for Shandi this year.
They will monitor her progress on a 9 week basis and if she's not progressing, then we'll change what is being done. If she falls too far behind, she'll qualify for a summer program. This will be checked out about mid-year. I'm promised regular notes concerning her progress, her problems and even help aids sent home for me to utilize here with her doing homework. I asked for that last one--either send me some copies home or point me to the web address where I might find it.
All in all, I feel very good about Shandi now. I feel that we have the ball rolling in the right direction. My job now is to start digging around for added aids to help her at home, keeping track of what's going on at school and making sure she is actually getting the help promised in the IEP. The one problem I see is that the inclusion teacher serves several classes and scheduling her assistance may be a problem if all classes she serves has, say reading at the same time each morning. Maybe all teachers involved should meet and work up a better schedule?
Certain tests, where they can, she will take separate from the regular class because the test will be modified to fit her learning ability. Patricia Boyd, her teacher was really a big help, pointing out where Shandi does well and where she falters. She also stated that Shandi worked harder than any other child in her class. Like us, she was puzzled over the Math learning disability which qualified Shan for Services, since Shan does reasonably well in math; still the discrepancy between the mean average and her score in reading and English, wasn't the full 23 points to qualify her. However, Julie, the Case Manager said Shan may have scored 21 or close to the 23 point discrepancy, but regardless, she functions at mid first grade level and that means she will receive help in all topics--math, English, Reading, Spelling.
The goals are to bring her up to 3rd grade level by years end; with modification for her learning ability. She will be kept in the regular classroom except for specific times when tests are being given or she has fallen behind the normal class work. Her regular teacher works with her already, using help aids where she is struggling. I really like Patricia and feel she is going to be wonderful for Shandi this year.
They will monitor her progress on a 9 week basis and if she's not progressing, then we'll change what is being done. If she falls too far behind, she'll qualify for a summer program. This will be checked out about mid-year. I'm promised regular notes concerning her progress, her problems and even help aids sent home for me to utilize here with her doing homework. I asked for that last one--either send me some copies home or point me to the web address where I might find it.
All in all, I feel very good about Shandi now. I feel that we have the ball rolling in the right direction. My job now is to start digging around for added aids to help her at home, keeping track of what's going on at school and making sure she is actually getting the help promised in the IEP. The one problem I see is that the inclusion teacher serves several classes and scheduling her assistance may be a problem if all classes she serves has, say reading at the same time each morning. Maybe all teachers involved should meet and work up a better schedule?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A shandi story
Last night it was thundering and lightening so getting on the computer was out of the question. As Brenda and I sat around visiting, Shandi joined up. We were sitting out front enjoying the cool night air following the first round of rain, when the wind blew strong enough to cause rain droplets to fall from the trees across the road. It was a dark night, so the sound was all one had to go on. Shandi jumped and looking across toward the trees that border the road, she says, “I don’t like that sound. It scares me. I always think it’s a big monster out in the woods and it’s coming to eat me up.”
I explained to her the real source of the noise, but she wasn’t truly listening, as she immediately launched into a tale of a movie she had watched. From her descriptions the movie was Sleep Hollow, and complete with physical animation, she told us all about the movie. There was the evil man with the hood, the girl who always did something strange—that point I missed totally, and the man who walked around never looking where he was going because he was always reading a book.
She tells her story in high animation, with facial expressions to match the scene; the physical motions to describe the actions and lots of descriptive phrases. She’s really a trip to watch and listen to, but you have to listen closely because she talks a mile a minute when she’s into telling a story.
Then she proceeded to tell us that there really were evil spirits and good spirits. “Don’t you believe that, momo?” she asked me. “Don’t you believe the evil spirits want to hurt you and the good spirits protect you? I do. You know my uncle Bobby, the one that died, (speaking of Brenda’s husband) he’s my good spirit. He is always with me and he keeps me safe. He even comes in the form of animals, momo.”
So we discussed that possibility for a while until she began to talk about a time when it rained so much that the football field at school was flooded. She told about her and a friend trying to figure out where that water was going. Why it was covering the football field, so much that the football players had to take off at least 3 days from playing football, as she described it. I suggested that the rain water soaked into the ground and what didn’t soak in or run off, evaporated. “No way” Shandi says emphatically. “Me and my friend searched until we found where that water was going. You know those ditches way over by the trees—referring to a small creek that runs on one 2 sides of the field—why that water just run off into those ditches and disampeared.”
From that story she really got deep, when she remembered showing Carson, a school friend, the secret path down at the water park. They were all bent over looking at the path, when Carson began to scratch in the sand, throwing sand on Shandi. She asked him to quit but instead, he dug faster so she used the stick in her hand and in her own words, “she just went lost out of her mind and hit him with the stick”. “But I apologized to him, momo, but he wouldn’t listen.” She said.
I asked her when does she usually get lost out of her mind and she said when she got really mad. “That’s when the evil Shandi appears.”
“The evil Shandi?” I asked.
“Yes, the evil Shandi, momo”.
I told her that I thought that was simply the angry Shandi and it was what we worked on learning how to handle our anger properly. She lets out this exasperated sigh and states,”You call it what you want, momo, I call it evil Shandi.”
“But, I have a good Shandi too. When evil Shandi isn’t out, good Shandi is. Do you know that Britanny says there is a boy Shandi? There is no such thing. There is only one Shandi and it’s ME. But, maybe my mama had a boy Shandi in her tummy, and he got dead before he was born, so it was only me, Shandi, who come out of my mommy’s tummy. Could that be right, momo?” She asked.
Well, no, darling, it couldn’t be right, I explained to her. Mommy only had you.
Eventually she accepted that truth, but I’m still not sure she was convinced. With that, as is usual with Shandi, she stopped talking.
Today their father came and got them around 9, to spend time with them. He planned to take them to a park to play, then have a cook out. He managed to tell me without Ana hearing that this would be her surprise birthday party since he would be at work the 27th, which is her birthday.
I explained to her the real source of the noise, but she wasn’t truly listening, as she immediately launched into a tale of a movie she had watched. From her descriptions the movie was Sleep Hollow, and complete with physical animation, she told us all about the movie. There was the evil man with the hood, the girl who always did something strange—that point I missed totally, and the man who walked around never looking where he was going because he was always reading a book.
She tells her story in high animation, with facial expressions to match the scene; the physical motions to describe the actions and lots of descriptive phrases. She’s really a trip to watch and listen to, but you have to listen closely because she talks a mile a minute when she’s into telling a story.
Then she proceeded to tell us that there really were evil spirits and good spirits. “Don’t you believe that, momo?” she asked me. “Don’t you believe the evil spirits want to hurt you and the good spirits protect you? I do. You know my uncle Bobby, the one that died, (speaking of Brenda’s husband) he’s my good spirit. He is always with me and he keeps me safe. He even comes in the form of animals, momo.”
So we discussed that possibility for a while until she began to talk about a time when it rained so much that the football field at school was flooded. She told about her and a friend trying to figure out where that water was going. Why it was covering the football field, so much that the football players had to take off at least 3 days from playing football, as she described it. I suggested that the rain water soaked into the ground and what didn’t soak in or run off, evaporated. “No way” Shandi says emphatically. “Me and my friend searched until we found where that water was going. You know those ditches way over by the trees—referring to a small creek that runs on one 2 sides of the field—why that water just run off into those ditches and disampeared.”
From that story she really got deep, when she remembered showing Carson, a school friend, the secret path down at the water park. They were all bent over looking at the path, when Carson began to scratch in the sand, throwing sand on Shandi. She asked him to quit but instead, he dug faster so she used the stick in her hand and in her own words, “she just went lost out of her mind and hit him with the stick”. “But I apologized to him, momo, but he wouldn’t listen.” She said.
I asked her when does she usually get lost out of her mind and she said when she got really mad. “That’s when the evil Shandi appears.”
“The evil Shandi?” I asked.
“Yes, the evil Shandi, momo”.
I told her that I thought that was simply the angry Shandi and it was what we worked on learning how to handle our anger properly. She lets out this exasperated sigh and states,”You call it what you want, momo, I call it evil Shandi.”
“But, I have a good Shandi too. When evil Shandi isn’t out, good Shandi is. Do you know that Britanny says there is a boy Shandi? There is no such thing. There is only one Shandi and it’s ME. But, maybe my mama had a boy Shandi in her tummy, and he got dead before he was born, so it was only me, Shandi, who come out of my mommy’s tummy. Could that be right, momo?” She asked.
Well, no, darling, it couldn’t be right, I explained to her. Mommy only had you.
Eventually she accepted that truth, but I’m still not sure she was convinced. With that, as is usual with Shandi, she stopped talking.
Today their father came and got them around 9, to spend time with them. He planned to take them to a park to play, then have a cook out. He managed to tell me without Ana hearing that this would be her surprise birthday party since he would be at work the 27th, which is her birthday.
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Battle has been Won
I've had an extremely satisfying day. First the ruling on Shandi. I called to see if the test results were in on her testing. They were and we able to go on down and speak with the SPED Case Manager. She actually scored higher in reading and English on this test, using Peabody’s testing than she had on the Wechslet Intelligence Test; however she scored lower in math problem solving. But she qualified for special services in school; qualifying in her math, but will receive help in her reading also.
We were given two choices. Leave her at Salem where there is 1 inclusion teacher who is working with children in 3 classes; or bus her to Tylertown where there is an inclusion class with a special teacher who is there 3 days a week along with a regular teacher and an aide. They also have a reading program which is computer based which helps children like Shandi.
We chose to leave her at Salem for now and see how things go. Julie, the Case Manager said that at any time we felt it would be in Shandi’s best interest to transfer her, we can revisit the IEP which we will meet and write next Wednesday.
Then we went up to Stacie's to clean her house. The first thing when I walked on her porch, a guinea wasp stung me on the ankle. We looked but couldn't find it. Then one got Connie when she walked up. Connie had offered to come clean it, but Stacie wanted me there too. We had the Shandi's room clean and was working in the living room when Connie got there. We got that cleaned and Stacie's room, while Connie did the bathroom and kitchen, and helped us some in the living room. She swept and mopped behind us. While working in Stacie’s room, I was crawling up under the head of Stacie's waterbed to snake a cord down thru the bed and out the other side to plug in the waterbed (the house has few plug outlets) I whacked my elbow on the corner of the bed and just about messed in my pants. Finally it quit hurting enough I could move it. Then I had to make the turn into the center of the bed and crawl half way in it to get the cord far enough for Stacie to reach. After she left, Stacie and I tackled the play room while Ana tackled her room. Other than a pile of clothes to wash and fold, her house is clean and I mean really clean.
She's complained for years about not knowing how to organize, getting started on one thing and seeing something else and starting that. Add to that, she'll get discouraged and stop and get on the computer. Well, we didn't let her stop today and that house is the cleanest I've ever seen it.
When Terry came up to see the results of our labor, he found our wasp nest and took care of it. It was under the porch and I wasn’t looking from the right angle to see it.
I so wish we had taken some before pictures, but we didn't. But imagine clothes, empty and half empty drink bottles strewn about, rubbermaid totes here and there, stuff overflowing out of them, clothes baskets here and there with clothes in them and just general trash and stuff from younguns not cleaning up behind themselves and you have an idea of what shape it was in.
She told me this evening she actually felt like it was becoming home to her. She has every intention of keeping it that way, but knowing her, it will still get in a mess from time to time. But I do know she had intentions of keeping it clean and teaching the girls to clean it.
Then about the time I was going to get online it began thundering, then the lights went out, so I organized Shandi's folder on our steps to get her help.
I think I'm tired.
We were given two choices. Leave her at Salem where there is 1 inclusion teacher who is working with children in 3 classes; or bus her to Tylertown where there is an inclusion class with a special teacher who is there 3 days a week along with a regular teacher and an aide. They also have a reading program which is computer based which helps children like Shandi.
We chose to leave her at Salem for now and see how things go. Julie, the Case Manager said that at any time we felt it would be in Shandi’s best interest to transfer her, we can revisit the IEP which we will meet and write next Wednesday.
Then we went up to Stacie's to clean her house. The first thing when I walked on her porch, a guinea wasp stung me on the ankle. We looked but couldn't find it. Then one got Connie when she walked up. Connie had offered to come clean it, but Stacie wanted me there too. We had the Shandi's room clean and was working in the living room when Connie got there. We got that cleaned and Stacie's room, while Connie did the bathroom and kitchen, and helped us some in the living room. She swept and mopped behind us. While working in Stacie’s room, I was crawling up under the head of Stacie's waterbed to snake a cord down thru the bed and out the other side to plug in the waterbed (the house has few plug outlets) I whacked my elbow on the corner of the bed and just about messed in my pants. Finally it quit hurting enough I could move it. Then I had to make the turn into the center of the bed and crawl half way in it to get the cord far enough for Stacie to reach. After she left, Stacie and I tackled the play room while Ana tackled her room. Other than a pile of clothes to wash and fold, her house is clean and I mean really clean.
She's complained for years about not knowing how to organize, getting started on one thing and seeing something else and starting that. Add to that, she'll get discouraged and stop and get on the computer. Well, we didn't let her stop today and that house is the cleanest I've ever seen it.
When Terry came up to see the results of our labor, he found our wasp nest and took care of it. It was under the porch and I wasn’t looking from the right angle to see it.
I so wish we had taken some before pictures, but we didn't. But imagine clothes, empty and half empty drink bottles strewn about, rubbermaid totes here and there, stuff overflowing out of them, clothes baskets here and there with clothes in them and just general trash and stuff from younguns not cleaning up behind themselves and you have an idea of what shape it was in.
She told me this evening she actually felt like it was becoming home to her. She has every intention of keeping it that way, but knowing her, it will still get in a mess from time to time. But I do know she had intentions of keeping it clean and teaching the girls to clean it.
Then about the time I was going to get online it began thundering, then the lights went out, so I organized Shandi's folder on our steps to get her help.
I think I'm tired.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Shandi/grounding Ana/school
I've never felt so sorry for a child than I did Shandi this evening.
School papers from the past week came home today. Two of them were repeats from last week; the ones where she had written her story. The other half of the paper was finding the misspelled word. She made an F on both of them. She missed all the misspelled words and didn't even attempt to write a story. When I asked her she said she got behind and couldn't finish it.
She had one Reading Comprehension paper that she made an 86 on. When she saw it she says, "I didn't make a hundred?" "No" I said, "But look, you made an 86. That is great." "She tears up and says, "But I tried so hard to make a hundred. I want to make a hundred." I said,"But baby, 86 is so good in a subject you have problems in."
By now she's crying and so am I. She tells me again how hard she tries to make hundreds.
Then we come home and do the homework. Afterwards, we're going over the papers and I'm explaining to her her mistakes. She spotted the two papers with an F on them. Those weren't the only ones, but it's what she saw. Then she wants to know why she isn't grounded for making an F. "I'm supposed to be grounded for making F's. That is the rule."
Lord, I didn't know what to say, so I asked her, "Do you want to be grounded?"
She says she doesn't, but it's the rules.
I say, "Well, I suppose we could ground you if that's what you think you need."
All this time I'm thinking and praying, God, help me help her understand. I'm also about to cry.
So I ended up telling her that for right now she's in a class room filled with children who do not struggle nearly as hard as she does to make the grade. She is in there because the school hasn't gotten up off of it to give her the services she needs. Once she gets those services, THEN if she makes F's, or if she simply doesn't try her best, then we will ground her in a heartbeat. She seemed satisfied with that.
I thought about talking with her about her limitations, but I don't know how to go about doing that, and not say the wrong thing.
Do you have suggestions? Do you think I need to call and set them up an appointment so we can help her understand why she isn't grounded? Stacie and I simply can't see grounding her for something that she cannot help and she can't help not being able to grasp all the school work. After all, even with her adaptive skills, a 59 IQ limits a person's ability to comprehend certain concepts.
Also, Ana is having a hard time with the fact that Stacie is planning to return to school. We think she's subconsciously remembering that Garry molested her during Stacie's last session in school, but she doesn't tell us when we ask her why does she become so upset when Stacie mentions school. She only says it's because mom will always be gone.
School papers from the past week came home today. Two of them were repeats from last week; the ones where she had written her story. The other half of the paper was finding the misspelled word. She made an F on both of them. She missed all the misspelled words and didn't even attempt to write a story. When I asked her she said she got behind and couldn't finish it.
She had one Reading Comprehension paper that she made an 86 on. When she saw it she says, "I didn't make a hundred?" "No" I said, "But look, you made an 86. That is great." "She tears up and says, "But I tried so hard to make a hundred. I want to make a hundred." I said,"But baby, 86 is so good in a subject you have problems in."
By now she's crying and so am I. She tells me again how hard she tries to make hundreds.
Then we come home and do the homework. Afterwards, we're going over the papers and I'm explaining to her her mistakes. She spotted the two papers with an F on them. Those weren't the only ones, but it's what she saw. Then she wants to know why she isn't grounded for making an F. "I'm supposed to be grounded for making F's. That is the rule."
Lord, I didn't know what to say, so I asked her, "Do you want to be grounded?"
She says she doesn't, but it's the rules.
I say, "Well, I suppose we could ground you if that's what you think you need."
All this time I'm thinking and praying, God, help me help her understand. I'm also about to cry.
So I ended up telling her that for right now she's in a class room filled with children who do not struggle nearly as hard as she does to make the grade. She is in there because the school hasn't gotten up off of it to give her the services she needs. Once she gets those services, THEN if she makes F's, or if she simply doesn't try her best, then we will ground her in a heartbeat. She seemed satisfied with that.
I thought about talking with her about her limitations, but I don't know how to go about doing that, and not say the wrong thing.
Do you have suggestions? Do you think I need to call and set them up an appointment so we can help her understand why she isn't grounded? Stacie and I simply can't see grounding her for something that she cannot help and she can't help not being able to grasp all the school work. After all, even with her adaptive skills, a 59 IQ limits a person's ability to comprehend certain concepts.
Also, Ana is having a hard time with the fact that Stacie is planning to return to school. We think she's subconsciously remembering that Garry molested her during Stacie's last session in school, but she doesn't tell us when we ask her why does she become so upset when Stacie mentions school. She only says it's because mom will always be gone.
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