right or wrong

Each year, Ana goes to Cheyenne's for her birthday party. It is this weekend. Beginning the first of Sept, it is all Ana talks about, to me and to her mom. Usually she goes on Friday nite and spends the nite to be there for the party, because Cheyenne lives on 583, up close to Brister's store, or whatever it's called now.

This morning Stacie came in a huff. On her weekly homework/classroom grades, she had a low math grade. I had signed the paper already and really didn't think twice about the grade. We all have bad days. Why she showed it to her mom I don't know, but she did and when Stacie asked her about the grade, she said because I was busy with Shandi and then we had to go to church, she didn't finish it.

Ana tends to see her world as black and white. Mama always pays more attention to Shandi, I always help Shandi more than I do her. Mama is nicer to Shandi than to Ana because mama sees herself in Ana and doesn't like what she sees. I do spend more homework time with Shandi because she needs it more. However, I go back and forth between the dining table and the living room helping both of them. Shan is at the table, Ana in the living room with the music on---I get to a point where I write down the answers Shan gives me so she can copy them since her spelling is bad, then I run to the living room and help Ana or check on her. Wednesday evenings, I'm also cooking whatever I'm taking to church.

So, mama says Ana is grounded not for the grade, but for not asking for help. She can't go to Cheyene' party. I say that since this has been planned for ages, find something else. Mama does agree to let her attend the party but not overnight. Ok, we compromised. Mama goes on to rant and rave about this and that in that mean, hateful tone, Ana is crying and it's almost time to go to school. mama tells her if she could afford it she would send Ana to a school that would teach her good attitude. I said that kids learn what is done in front of them. mama says she's gotten better, in this same hateful tone of voice she's used all morning. Ana is visibly upset about that idea. I tell mama that Ana doesn't ask her for help because I've heard mama refuse, actually tell her that as smart as Ana is she isn't going ot help her. I tell mama that if I were a kid, i wouldn't ask her for help either.

The bus comes, Stacie starts crying and says--would you please not correct me in the front of the kids again. I thought we were all supposed to agree in front of kids. She is right. I was wrong---but sometimes I just have to stand up for the kids. Usually I keep my mouth shut.

I say--ok, I"ll just be your peon, take the kids to all their activities and appointments and help them with their homework, and keep my mouth shut about discipline.

She leaves.

I cry.

I know I was wrong to disagree with her punishement, but she goes overboard with it, even saying she wasn't punishing Ana for the grade but for not asking for help. She also does it so hateful, it upsets me, so I know how the kid feels.

Then Stacie texts and says: how about I just keep my mouth shut and let you discipline since you know better than I, and I'm not being sarcastic.

I replied back that I didn't always know or do better, I loved her and we'd talk tonight.