Fwd:

-There is a story to this bowl. On Saturday night, after stuffing ourselves with seafood, fish and/or steak at Kane's Restaurant; the SS class went back to the church for coffee, dessert and Dirty Santa. A precious lady from the church chose this gift to open; and as time went on it was learned that she had brought the gift herself.

When it was my turn, needing one of these bowls and having always wanted one of these bowls, but not willing to pay almost 20 dollars for one of these bowls, I chose to take it away from her (the dirty Santa part). There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (grins) moaning and groaning; but all in fun of course.

Then when yet another precious lady from the church got her turn to choose a gift; can you believe that she took MY trifle bowl???? Of course down here we do NOT call them trifle bowls. They are called banana pudding bowls or rather 'nanner puddin bowls. Sure, we can put other sorts of decadent rich desserts in them...but banana pudding is the main thing.

Well, again, more moaning and groaning and gnashing of teeth. This time I was doing the dramatics...but this precious held firm and TOOK my bowl.

I chose another gift; not nearly as desirable, to me anyway, but highly useful around here. 

And on we went with the party.

Sunday after church, when I got into the car to go home, on the floor of the car, at my feet was a Christmas bag, inside which was this bowl and a card which said, I love you. The precious lady who had ended up with MY bowl, had graciously given it back.

Now...I feel led to bag it up and secretly give it back to the original owner, who is also a very precious lady. In my opinion, ownership of this bowl is not nearly as important to me as knowing I have done what I could do to bring fun, happiness and light into another's life. :D

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

around the bend

A very smart friend of mine shared this with me concerning the move: ***

• At Ana's age it isn't unusual for her to want more independance and I feel that when she was at your house she could have that independance... more or less.... I don't think that even when you tell her straight what to do it brakes against that. Nor do I think you are giving her too much independance ... we have to grow up and out into the world around us. Therefore it must have been difficult for Ana at Stacie's ... I could understand it if she began to crave being back at Momo's. I think we both know that Shandi wouldn't feel this way. Shandi probably feels happier knowing Stacie's around. That's a feeling I get anyhow.***
• 6:17pm

  
  

  . While Ana originally put her stuff in the shed--I had told her that she couldn't move into the living room until after February because I have WMU (Women's Missionary Union) meeting here and I didn't want it messed up...but I could NOT stick to that. I had to give her the option of staying in the shed, which she likes and calls HER apartment or over here with us; given she says her mom basically told her to get out. My heart is just too soft to make her stay out in the shed right away when possibly she feels kicked out. She had given up the conveniences of laying in bed watching tv of her choice, being as she calls it the lazy kid to have a relationship with her mom only to be kicked in the teeth! Go figure. Now I just have to watch that I don't over-compensate.

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Another bend in the road :)

 Ana had moved up to her mom's, ...well she is back. She and mom got into a big row today over the rooms; which one she would have, which one Shandi would have. Stacie had promised Ana that if she, Ana, put her mattresses up on the frame, then they would put Shandi into the room Shandi painted for herself and Ana could have the front room which Ana painted for herself. Well today, Stacie decided she was done bending over backwards to accomodate Ana, and put her put her foot down; ana questioned her going back on her word, Stacie raised her voice, so did Ana and the rest is history. 

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Surprise gift

This waw given to me today by a lady at church. She said she thought it was ironic that my name was on the box and spelled the way I spell my name. She is one of those troubled souls...up one day and down the next. She has been teaching a children's class this year and it has done wonders for her. Thank you, Lord for this lady.

Last week's capsule

Well I don't know where the week or really what I did, but poof...it was the weekend. Oh yeah; trips to McComb to replace Shandi's glasses that broke yet again; trips to town to put money in the bank and pick up window panes; Al-anon, church, doing the financial statement and normal every day chores.

I bought the stuff to make washing detergent. Info was that it works as well as any of the stuff we buy already made and the cost is far below the other. I spent 24.00, more or less on the ingredients. One soap it called for I couldn't find so I substituted. Later I learn it will work but not as well. 

Wednesday I mixed it all up which included grating the one type of bar soap. Apparently somewhere along the line I inhaled a bit too much of the stuff because today, almost a week later, I can still taste the soap. I works though and the taste is slowly going away but I can surely tell I have exposed my lungs to something I should not have exposed them to. next time, I will remember the mask or let someone else mix the stuff up IF it turns out to be as $ saving as it is reputed to be. I need to save all the pennies I can.

Friday night we met with my sister, brother and their families at Stogners for fish and gift exchange. Sitting next to us was the youth group from the church...12 kids and the 2 adults. We had a good time, got nice gifts and later helped the young folks back at the church to play dirty santa.

Saturday night we had our meet and greet with our prospective pastor, Keven Newsome, DeAnna his wife and son, Aaron and daughter, Sara. Lots of food, wonderful turn out, and great fellowship. He handled the people's questions well and all seem to have a good time.

Sunday he preached his trial sermon following special music by Pat. He preached from Numbers 14 and following on the 'Wilderness Experience' and why we have wilderness experiences.

1..to teach us lessons about how to relate to God and others. We won't move until our lesson is learned.

2. Cleanse us from things holding us back...habits, attitudes, etc.

3. To see God...God will show himself in the wilderness. We won't ever be alone

4. To test our faith...can we trust God to take us through the wilderness

5. To prepare our path...the direction God wants us to go

6.To repeat a lesson already given...a reminder of our calling, a getting us on the right path again.

After his sermon we voted and all but 1 person voted yes. I haven't a clue who voted no. Possibly a child. I noticed Shandi started to vote no. I know she didn't understand the ballot so I read it to her...yes, we want him; no, we don't. She then marked yes. Anyway, he will begin the 16th, but won't move to the parsonage until after Christmas due to his school and work at the seminary. We are all very excited about our new pastor and his family.

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

meetings and meds

It's a rainy day here, one of those days I really love. I can snuggle in and do housekeeping/bookkeeping/game playing/plundering and not feel the least bit guilty for not being out and up at the nursery doing something. While I love the people; getting to visit with them during the spring months, lately every time I go up and work, the rest of the day is spent struggling for air and taking even more breathing treatments. I know the day is coming when I will have to shut it down but I am not quite there yet. :)

Our topic at last night's alanon meeting was criticism--the first page we read was on criticizing ourselves, and each page from there showed us a different angle...the moderator ( a school teacher) said she learned a lot; as did I...not to criticize ourselves, that criticizing can become habitual, it is a form of building up self while tearing down another and there are cases of justifiable criticism. I really enjoyed it and was reminded of how often I at least think critically about my daughter, ex-son in law and others in my path who do not do the way I think they should.

I am going to focus on being less critical this week.

We went by Walgreens to pick up a prescrip for hubby last night. We had picked up his other meds the 13th of Nov, but insurance wouldn't let this BP med be refilled until the first of the month. When we picked up his diabetes meds mid Nov, the check out person asked did I want to leave it on Express pay...I had accessed my account online and entered a credit card for our meds so that when/if I needed someone else to pick them up (we live 17 miles from the town) they wouldn't have to pay...I told him yes. Last night when we picked up the BP med, the lady said that is 35.00. I asked about the Express Pay and she said it wasn't listed. I questioned could it be listed for one set of meds and not another...NO...it's by person. I questioned why it was there 2 weeks ago...she didn't know. I questioned how it could suddenly disappear. She said someone had to remove it. I said I didn't do it so who did. She didn't know. I questioned if there was someone there who did know...no, there wasn't. Her attitude was of unconcern and I felt myself getting upset but kept saying to self...calm down, lower your voice, speak softly. I said to her...you don't seem to undestand, hon...this is MY CC info we are talking about. She says...but it only shows the last 4 digits. I say...but hon, you don't seem to grasp the seriousness of this...if I didn't remove it and I didn't, then WHO did. She didn't know. I would have to call today...so I am going to do that. 

And I did, and they are so unconcerned. No one can explain it. Must be a computer glitch. Am told repeatedly they are not software engineers, they are pharmacists. Duh...I always expect my software engineer to fill my meds.

Eventually I asked the pharmacist if the dude who checked my last mid Nov could possibly have clicked something that removed my EP from the system. Yes, he says...then why haven't you already admitted it could have been a mis-clic by one of your staff. Ugggg.

And such is life in the year 2012

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Sunday

Well I wasn't in church this morning to hear the sermon. I went into choir, but when we came down, I went into the kitchen to finish up prep for the food...warm the rolls, uncover all the many dishes, get the ice out, carve the turkeys...-oh man, you would have loved all that food. It was good and so was the fellowship.

I had to laugh...T, the guy  with whom I talked about his sighing while you were here is still stressing over his sighs and possible COPD. He thanks me every time he sees me, sarcastically of course. He thanks me because he says I have made him super vigilent over every sigh, every deep breath is COPD worsening. He also cornered me up and asked me how Graham and I REALLY met. He said he wouldn't ask while he was here because he didn't want to put you on the spot. He seemed to not want to believe that a single man, younger than me would want to travel to America and spend a number of with me and my family and there not be something underhanded (read that sinful) going on. I couldn't help but grin the whole time which probably didn't help his suspicious thinking the least little bit, but I found it be awesome fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, not hearing the sermon I thought I would give you a very brief synopsis of my SS lesson. Hosea chapters 1-3..focusing on the command the Lord gave Hosea to go marry him a promiscious woman, which he did. They bore 3 children, each named something that told a message--God Scatters, No Compassion, Not my people...then Hosea told his children to rebuke their mother...something the Bible explicitly teaches against, and then Hosea had to go buy back Gomer (his wife) as she had wandered off with her lovers and gotten into a bad fix.

All this was done to emphasis how the Jewish people constantly turned away from God, yet God still loved them...how people's sins will always find them out, regardless of how hard they try to hide them and that redemption is costly...it cost Hosea money to redeem his wife, it cost Jesus his life /God his son for us to be redeemed from the slave market of sin.

And that my friend, is it in a nutshell!!!

We had no Sunday nite service, Terry and Robby got the bush hog and bucket off the tractor and have decided it needs to go to the shop and I am on my 3rd color with the afghan I started during Thanksgiving.

--
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Graham's posting while in Ms

These are the FB posts of Graham during his visit Nov.16-18 of 2012

DAY 1. I have had 6 hours sleep and am probably gonna doze all day , but just to say I am so glad to be back in the US. Klara and Terry met me at Jackson Airport and on the way back to the Nursery as Terry had to concentrate on driving we kept quiet and let him talk and talk and talk about the five times he has been abducted by aliens, which is something I have yet to experience, but Terry assures me it happens regularly around here. That's the truth and it is not true that Klara and I were so keen to catch up we nattered incessantly all the way here and Terry had trouble staying on the right side of the road because of the constant chat chat chat. That didn't happen... we're clear on that aren't we :-D

 

DAY 2. This morning started with Terry telling me how when out hunting once he'd happened on a bear and after wrestling with it for a while for fun he had knocked it out with a single punch. He's promised to show me how it's done tomorrow after church as well as the art calming wild wolves just by staring them down. Impressive. As the morning progressed we filled pots with dirt in the nursery. In the afternoon we had the pleasure of Brenda's company and this evening I've been to Brookhaven to see the new Twilight movie. A good time was had by all... and I don't just mean myself, Stacie, Ana and Shandi... but the whole movie theater. There was a cheering and a groaning and a laughing and a gasping as the plot unfolded. Now it's time for bed. Catch ya later.

 

DAY 3. The day started with pancakes. Then on to church. After Sunday school during the service the preacher unexpectedly asked me stand up and introduce myself to the congregation so everybody knows me now. The sermon was about thanksgiving and the joy of being a christian on the path of life. When we got back Terry decided that instead of teaching me how to calm wild wolves he would show me how to cut bread with a chainsaw and then toast it using a blow torch. I nearly blew my head off with too much hot sauce this lunchtime. I must remember just a drop and mix well in :-D After this I part watched the first NFL game of the day and part sketched Ana's portrait from a photograph. If I can get it scanned and uploaded I'll display it soon as long as Ana doesn't mind. Next NFL game saw the Saints winning, which keeps up a 100% record for them winning when Terry and I watch them. They are gonna need that if there is any chance of them reaching the Superbowl at their home stadium this year. Next NFL game starts in 35 minutes.

 

DAY 4. Perhaps I should finish day 3 first. Last night we feasted on southern fried Jalapenos with mustard mayo. This was followed by peach Margaritas. Oh yeah... ya gotta try these :-D Terry told me that if he has two of these he can stay awake all night without a problem. Talking of Terry he also told me about the times he goes fishing and the secret of catching bucket loads of Catfish. The fish bait has to be soaked before hand in Jim Beam whiskey. No other whiskey will do. Guaranteed 100% success... only there are some counties in Mississippi where you are not allowed to serve up fish caught this way to those under the age of 18... sooooo... just keep that in mind. This morning we breakfasted at MacDonalds and shopped... and shopped... and shopped. This afternoon I took more pictures and started preparation of my new creation 'Walthall County Trifle'. Pictures to be posted later and recipe if we survive the experience :-)

 

.... and we survived eating it!!!!! The recipe ingredients were: Yellow cake; Lemon, orange and margarita (non-alcoholic) jello; pineapple tidbits; mandarin oranges; vanilla pudding; whipped cream; sliced almonds and sprinkles. Now this how we went about it. Bake your yellow cake... let it cool... cut into bite size chunks. Take a bowl and fill the bottom third with the chunks of cake. Make up margarita jello. Pour onto cake chunks and allow them to soak it up. Now make up lemon and orange jello. Place pieces of pineapple and mandarin on top of cake to form second layer and pour on to this orange/lemon jello. Stick in fridge for four hours to allow this to get more solid. Take out and make a layer of the vanilla pudding. On top of this add the top layer of the whipped cream and add the almonds and sprinkles as in the picture. Put back into the fridge for another half hour and then serve.

 

DAY 5. It is so much easier to post in the afternoon so I will be going back a day most of the time. Last night we feasted on chicken wings with creole seasoning, sausage and red bean stew as well as my 'Walthall County Trifle.' Oh boy... heaven! We started watching more NFL, but seeing as the Bears were getting stuffed by the 49ers we decided to watch NCIS Los Angeles instead. Now... it would appear that Terry has a tendency to exaggerate according to his family. This was the topic of conversation at the meal last night. It seems he did not punch out a bear.... no... in fact he had a tussle with a raccoon and it was the one that floored him. Also the nights of the alien abductions were the same nights he kept himself awake with margaritas. Thankfully he also cleared something else up last night that he told me. It was only a rumor he had heard about people using dynamite to fish the lakes with (something I hadn't mentioned to y'all yet) and was not something he himself had actually done. OK ... so I guess not everybody's perfect when it comes to telling the absolute truth and nothing but the truth. Perhaps I shall have to restrict what I say about Terry to things I have witnessed with my own eyes..... like... for instance.... when I was here last time we went to meet his mates at a place called the shed. Terry ate 99 'ghost' peppers. He would have got to a 100 if he hadn't breathed out a little too hard and incinerated the remaining peppers, the bowl they were in and most of the table top. This morning and afternoon we have been cleaning up here ahead of thanksgiving. Tonight we are heading for Colombia for shopping and other things.

 

DAY 6. Off to Columbia.... firstly we deliver some plants to a lady at the frozen custard and ice cream store. Next we head to Fox's pizza... one pizza wedgie, fries and three cup refills later we head to Klara's alanon group. Met a number of people and heard a conversation about the dangers of working the oil rigs and platforms in the Gulf of Mexico especially with regard to static electricity. Providence meant a man there had some mustard greens that Klara had to be looking for so that can be ticked off the thanksgiving requirements list. Then off to Walmart... I am having problems finding Suzy's Cinnamentos, however I am now buying up a range of Cinnamon flavored sweets in the hope that one will be OK. Hmmm :-/ OK I bought two tee-shirts, one shirt and a USM cap (strictly MS wearing only as I know Tracy and Suzy will give me hell if I wear it when I get home :-D). Today Terry is doing more bush-hogging for the County, which means he gets first pickings on any roadkill going. Mostly it is usually deer, rabbit and squirrel. His brother-in-law Robert will be arriving this afternoon and will be looking to fix up his famous Squirrel and Rabbit pie with Monster Truck and Gas flavoring. Oh Boy! Sometime today I have to cut more wood for the wood burner, but every time I swing an axe at the logs it gets embedded and I can't get it out. I'd like to use Terry's chainsaw, but he's too busy cutting bread with it. There are always some square blocks of wood out there near the logs and Klara tells me these come from square trees. Now I was a bit skeptical, but before we went to Columbia last night Terry had to go back to his depot to get a jar of syrup he had forgotten to bring home and he showed me a field where they were growing square trees. Now Momma always told me.... "Boy if you keep watching this much TV you'll end up with square eyes." Well in this field, surrounding all these baby trees, were all kinds of old TV sets each with its own antenna.... all showing the Disney channel 24 hours a day. Ya gotta hand it to the Americans for ingenuity and crazy thinking, but if it works... it works. Catch ya'll later.

DAY 7. Yesterday Robert and Judy arrived along with the delightful Nicole. After Robert and Terry had set up his RV we spent some time just sitting and chilling while Robert related the extra special deals he gets on trucks. By the way this RV and truck are like palaces on wheels, but I understand in about three months time he will have gone and sold them to upgrade again to an even better one. When Terry tells me that he'd probably sell it to me for a few dollars and the shirt off my back I'm hoping a down payment of $10 and IOU will do just fine. OK next... it's off to church to join the kids on a tour of Tylertown park to see the Christmas lights. We took the Magee Creek Baptist Church van down to town, a hot chocolate, a photo with Mr and Mrs Santa Claus (not me of course... hope ya'll not disappointed :-) ) and a mile walk (I have photos and will post tonight during free upload time) later ...well it's off to Randy's mother's house for drinks and cookies. After the kids had enjoyed themselves doing the things kids do when they are all together it was back home. This morning I was last up... again! Anyhow I wished everyone a happy thanksgiving and I am truly thankful that all my friends here and back in the UK are the wonderful unique people they are. I luv y'all.... and "don't go changing... to try to please me...." as the song goes. Well perhaps just slightly... but not a lot... OK! The smells of breakfast are reaching me as I type. Now it turns out Nicole has problems with the idea of eating deer. Terry and I having been talking to her about that. First up Terry confirmed what I told her that the cutest deer have the best taste. In fact the best Bambi burger recipe consists of..... 30% hog, 60% Bambi, 5% mosquito and 5% ladybird. Make sure to garnish with sliced jalapeno, cheese and as much mayo as will help you stomach it.

 

DAY 8. Yesterday was fun! We had a fantastic thanksgiving dinner. Beans, cut beans, mustard greens, chicken with dumplings, cornbread, cornbread dressing, mexican cornbread, ham, turkey and devilled eggs. Also there is something that was mint flavored and had cottage cheese in it. OK ten pounds extra weight on me later.... the afternoon we spent chatting on the porch, watching NFL and playing cards..... BEFORE... OK Nicole needed some new boots, new shoes and was kinda in the market for a new purse. Now perhaps my friends in the UK won't be familiar with this, but the day after thanksgiving is known as Black Friday. It is sales time and it starts at 12 midnight. So we get in Nicole's nifty Ford Fiesta, which is of course a lot bigger than the Ford Fiesta we are used to in the UK, and off we head to Belk department store in McComb. We arrive at about 10.30PM and we get a position pretty much near the front of the queue. We did get pulled over by one kind officer on the way who felt we were driving a little too close to the car in front. We thanked him for his kind consideration and advice. Well.... at midnight the doors open and in we go... more dignified than I had been led to believe... except for some jack-ass who pushed his way by Aunt Brenda causing her to get a nasty bruise. Hope you are OK today Brenda. Well Nicole got her shoes and we checked out all the bargains (didn't find anything myself sadly) then we head back to get home just after 2AM. This morning we have started the day with scrambled egg and ham sandwiches. Robby and Troyanne have arrived. I'm here typing. At the rate we are eating we may run out of turkey soon, BUT... Terry has a plan. We have wild turkeys out the back and I have been persuaded to put on my fluorescent bright lime green teeshirt I bought on Tuesday. Now what I am supposed to do is stand in the middle of the field. Since I will look like some huge human firefly... glowing away... the turkeys will apparently come a running toward me. Now Terry and Robert will then be able to pick them off, being the ace shots they are, before they reach me. I have been told not to worry if they get real close as it helps with the aiming. Hmmmm :-/ Hopefully I will be posting tomorrow!!!!

 

DAY 9. Well I left y'all yesterday with Robert and Troyanne arriving. The rest of the morning was spent talking although Robert, Robby, Terry and Troyanne's son James also were fixing things outside too. Then everybody began to leave until only Klara, Terry, Ana and myself remained. Early afternoon we headed for Columbia. Ana got the cutest orange hat and I got myself a new belt. We stopped by the frozen custard store and I tried a frozen custard sundae called sunburn. Made the mistake of ordering a medium... couldn't finish it. Anyhoooo... I guess it's time to tell you how I came by my cowboy hat. In the evening Terry took me to a place they call the shed. How to describe the shed.... well I suppose it is like a partly open sided barn-size 'shed' full of farming, hunting and fishing stuff. They've hooked up a big screen TV and there's a radio there as well. Just outside is a 'skidder rim' in which they burn logs whilst sitting around talking about the state of country. Charles brought Buck stew and rice for us to eat... also they drank Miller lites or coca-cola. Well things have changed a bit since seven years ago. They was a lot of talk about aches and pains and medical issues. Seems they are all getting older. Anyhow at one point... somebody... and I am not sure who said ... "ya know I think we all ought to give up the hunting and leave it to the women!" Oooooh... it takes a lot to shock me and you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was Bruce who first spoke... "Ya say what!" Well Terry stepped in before punches were thrown. "Ya should be ashamed. Look Graham's here from England. What kinda men do ya wanna make him think we are. Tell ya what. Let me show ya summit that will inspire ya'll. Graham... we're gonna show ya wildfire." OK wildfire is a horse and like his name suggests he is .... wiiilllllld!!!! The five men cornered him in a field and he's a snorting and a prancing and a shaking his head like ya wouldn't believe, but ya gonna believe this... aren't you. Wildfire wasn't half beautiful though with his deep red/brown color and a white stripe on his nose the shape of lightning. Terry comes up to me and says.... 'now just ya remember what I taught ya son." I gulped... but I stepped forward. I fixed that horse with a stare so hard the muscles in my face started hurting. I stepped closer.... and closer.... and closer.... when I was close enough I let out a howl like the most lonesome coyote and dang! ..... didn't wildfire just drop onto his front knees as tamed as tamed could be. I spent the rest of the evening feeding him bits of orange. Later Charles came up to me, gave me his cowboy hat and boots.... he said.... "Son ya sure gone and earned these and boys... let the word go out... there's a new Sheriff in town!" It was touching.

 

DAY 10. Down to the coast. First stop... where else, but a mega outlet mall near Gulfport to shop, shop, shop. On the way there we stopped for gas and... I found... Mentos... cinnamon flavored... this has to be what Suze was after. It has to be.... I have four of them :-) In the outlet mall I got another Saints top... this time with a hood, two LSU teeshirts and another hat.. striped. Klara and Ana spent a long time looking, but also bought some clothes. Klara also got some cooking equipment and Terry some new reebok trainers. Talking of Terry.... oh .... no... I can't. Seems I have been gone telling you the wrong things. Apparently I have to watch what I say now or I am gonna be living on hog's head cheese until I come back... whatever that is! Then Terry goes and tell me that that is too good for me... I'll have to eat the food the dog's eat. Then he goes and decides that even that is too good and I will have to live on cricket and grasshopper droppings. Sooooo.... I would like ya'll to know. Terry does not exaggerate! He does not tell tall tales. He is not a pathological bullshitter. If Terry tells ya'll it is my fault..... then it is my fault. IF... ya get out of bed in the morning on the wrong side it is my fault. If ya trip over accidentally it is my fault. If a hurricane comes back here it is definitely... go on guess.... MY FAULT! It will be my fault whether I am here... on the way back... or thousands of miles away back in England. It is a heavy burden I will have to bear, but my pa has always said to me... "son... you got broad shoulders." Now that's all settled... on with the day's events.. after the outlet mall we went on to a Rodeo shop. My big vacation present to myself is... a seriously nice cowboy hat and a proper cowboy buckle. Cost a bit, but something I can keep and know I have got some serious fancy dress clothing now :-) Then on to Treasure Island Casino for their buffet. Then down to a pier to walk off some of the buffet. We did the vacation photo thing as posted already and then it is time for the long drive back. Big thanks to Terry who did all the driving.

DAY 11. The day started with waffles. After the waffles came church. Today's service was all about spreading the good Lord's word. So... read the bible... there ya go I have done my bit :-) Anyhooo.... the cowboy evangelist came home and did what any cowboy evangelist would do on a Sunday afternoon... he watched the NFL. Unfortunately the Saints (what other team would a cowboy evangelist support) lost, but nevertheless it was a good day with Terry keeping me informed on what would have been allowed in college football and some of the rules of the NFL that I am still unclear on. Tomorrow is Terry's birthday. It is really another day of thanksgiving because I am blessed to know such wonderful people. I felt honored that Terry has asked me to play a central part of the celebrations. He showed me a candle, about six inches tall, that must be valuable because he was holding very carefully. This candle is going to be placed in the middle of a cake tomorrow. There is a special ceremony that is local to these parts. About six o'clock I will stand in the driveway and light the wick. It is very important that I wait 30 seconds, not 29 or 28, but exactly 30, then I bring the candle inside. Terry says it will be a big surprise. Just in case anybody wants to buy one of these candles for their own birthday party it is a red color, it has a longer than normal wick and is made by a company called ACME. I am so looking forward to be involved tomorrow :-)

DAY 12. Yesterday it rained. Shandi hasn't been well these last few days, but had got worse and Klara will be taking her to see somebody for it as we speak. Yesterday we had to bring her home from Tylertown school. It is some kind of throat infection. We stopped by Fred's (dollar store and chemists) as well as Piggly Wiggly's (a supermarket). It gave me a chance to get Terry's birthday present. When we got back I read a few chapter's of Calico Joe... a Grisham novel. For the moment I have given up on Cold Mountain as the language is proving 'too fancy' for me :-D Anyhooo... as the day progressed we had more rain and we have had thunder and lightning as well. Klara's internet is provided by satellite and unfortunately the signal gets weak when it rains. However Terry told me how it gets boosted if someone gets on top of the shingles and keeps a hold of the dish. Everybody looked at me. OK... so through the worst of the storm I was up on the roof, but it wasn't so bad... I had company. There was Pepper (the dog) and Pocohontus (the cat). We all huddled together for warmth. After six hours I came down to find everybody was in bed! OK.... I feel the need for a sense of humor now soooo... how about a joke Klara told us. A man entered a monastery and made a vow of silence. After five years he went to the abbot and uttered the words "bed hard". After ten years he went to the abbot and told him "food bad". After fifteen years he went to the abbot and said "I quit". The abbot said "you may as well do.... you've done nothing but complain for the last fifteen years." HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERRY!!!!!

 

DAY 12 continued. Roy (Ana and Shandi's father) arrived today. Stacie had bought him a freedom bell. Now's a good time to read the note that came with it... posted separately as two photos. OK... so a bell for motorbikes that is supposed to ward off evil spirits? Oh... and those evil spirits cause the pot holes in the road? Not for the first time I tell Terry how skeptical I am about something, but he assures me that there is some truth in it. Not only that he adds... "I wish more people had these frikkin' bells on their bikes so I didn't have to spend my day filling in those damn potholes." Fair comment. Next up... well I spent a lot of time out walking... at least an hour and a half. Klara spent the afternoon baking a chocolate cake for Terry's birthday... the piece I had was real nice. This evening we went to Fox's pizza place again... gonna miss it for sure when I get back.... pizzahut is not the same. Then it was on to Klara's weekly alanon meeting before heading home. Oops... I nearly forgot... this evening I bought myself a Du-rag :-) I got it because you can't look like a proper bad-ass biker dude without one... and... well I sometimes get caught without a handkerchief. Which prompts another thought... looks like Shandi is going to have her nose pierced. I don't know exactly how these things work, but if she doesn't have a ring or something in when you visit then I wouldn't stand to one side of her when she sneezes. OK…. having re-read I think I misunderstood when explaining this freedom bell thing to Terry. The evil spirits only create the potholes if they fall off the bike, which happens if the bell is attached and they are driven insane... sooo... in fact for Terry's sake it would be better if people didn't buy these here freedom bells. I know they sound cool... hey my initial reaction was "I gotta get me one of those", but we've gotta think about those hard working people like Terry looking after the county's roads. OK?

 

DAY 13 - the last day in Mississippi. This is not going to be easy. Knowing that I have to leave behind such good people... such good friends... and not sure when I will be able to return is heart wrenching. If that was all... well... life might be easier to cope with... but there is something else. Oh how to write this... well... ya know sometimes people think that they have truths that are gonna shock people. I listen to them and know that nothing compares to the secret I carry close to my heart. However I guess if I write it down here... no one will need to know... and it will remain... forever a secret. Now... in the summer of 1995... seventeen years ago...in a hospital in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, a baby was born. It was not an easy birth and the little baby boy needed a transfusion. A nurse went to get some blood, but due to a mix-up the packet she picked up was not blood. The contents were red that much is true. The contents... the hottest of hot sauce... and in those days not as much was known about the power of the habanero. The effect of the transfusion on the child was dramatic! In fact well beyond dramatic! In the space of a few hours that boy aged thirty years and lost most of the hair off the top of his head in the process. The parents had to be sedated. Over the next few days the doctors decided the best thing for the parents is that they be hypnotized so that they would never ever remember that the whole sorry affair ever happened. Then a priest was called for. The priest said he was sure this was the devil's work. Now these were not enlightened times and the nurse who had made the mistake knew that the boy would probably be strung up by the neck and so she came up with a plan. In the middle of the night the boy was smuggled out of the hospital and spirited out of the country to spend the rest of life with adopted parents far, far, away. However... there's more.... far, far, away the child seemed out of place and unhappy... in his new home he stood out.... whilst everybody else said 'yes'... he always said 'yeah.' He took to liking to wear a baseball cap, which other people frowned upon considerably. Eventually his adopted parents told him the truth. Well... it took a little while, but using a new gizmo called a home computer and 'the internet' he struck up a dialogue with his grandmother. Something clicked and they got on really well. I think the boy knew that in her heart of hearts she knew the truth. The same seemed to be true of both his sisters, but his mother never seemed to catch on. His parents had not found it easy over the years and their life seemed to be like a stand-off at the OK Coral. The boy felt he must be to blame. Was it repressed memories caused by them being hypnotized that had led to this? It did not help when his grandfather kept telling him whenever anything happened that is was... 'his fault.' So that is the story.... my story... yes I am that boy. I believe that Klara, Ana and Shandi certainly have an inkling as to the truth, but I will leave again tomorrow only wishing that I could see the look on Stacie's face when she hears Roy utter the words..... "Graham... I am your father" (tears are streaming down my face as I type this).... I cannot write anymore (sob sob sob)... Pa I only wanted one picture of us with Santa Claus... that's all. Was that too much to ask?

 

 

 

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

The departure

Well the time arrived and off we went to airport to take Graham to catch his plane. Ana woke with a sore throat, so we decided last minute to let her stay home and ride with us. Not a bad idea, as it gave me someone with whom to chat on the way back.

There was talk of when Graham might return; talk of IF it is 4 years and IF it is in May, then Ana will be graduating IF all goes well. Wow. What a thought.

He expressed the opinion that it was a nice visit. I always feel that way when he leaves. He is a very easy guest to have around; never demanding, always polite, always going along with whatever we come up with, taking the teasing and trying to make sense of our crazy, country, southern'isms. The perfect gentleman, capable of entertaining himself, graciously accepting our attempts to entertain and just settling in quite nicely.

I often have a brief moment or two when I think I should be taking him to see this or that--in fact I told him about a few things I would like for us to see one of the times he is over. It doesn't occur to me that it really MIGHT be the peacefulness of our life, the distance it places him from his Normal life, the easy flow of what we do that is what keeps bringing him back to visit..and of course, the friendship we have all developed with him through his visits. It's almost a family feel to it--giving pause for some serious thought on his last post from here...huh 'son. :D :D :D

As I write this, I am sure he is winging his way across the blue sky toward his layover in (wherever it was) then on to London's airport where he will have a day or two to recoup before starting his normal word day on Monday. 

May you find all your glasses in proper order, everyone having done what they should do and Millie curled up in your arms happily purring.

Enjoyed the visit, Graham

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

blessings

Each November someone starts a 'count your blessing' on facebook and each year I determine that I will continue this practice each and every month, not just November.

*sigh* I don't.

This isn't to say that I am not daily aware of my many blessings; I am.

However, having to put them into actual words without repeating myself sometimes becomes a challenge. :D

So for me, it is something I need to seriously consider incorporating into my daily life and maybe, like New Year's resolutions, ONE day, that consideration, that intent will stick and I will physically speak or write a blessing each and every day.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Sunday, November 25

I had some good/sad/confusing news a bit ago. Ana is going to sort of move back in with her mom and give that a try. I admire her for trying. My heart aches for the pain that is coming down the road, for the confusion she will grow up with but I can't change what is and she is her mother's daughter. Living with mom is where she should be even though it isn't the healthiest place to be. I can only pray and tell her how proud I am of her for making the effort to have a relationship with her mom. I certainly cannot stand in the way.

We've had a busy week, company from the coast left Friday morning, thankfully. BIL was exceptionally hateful this trip since he had been sick and was on medication. I couldn't handle much more of him. We ran our over seas guest to the coast on Saturday for a look around and some shopping in the outlet mall, then back home. Today we (pastor search committee) made a trip to listen to our prospective preacher preach in person..(now that could be a tongue twister there). I was really impressed with his delivery although I think he could slow down in his speech a bit.

Next week starts a normal week for us finally. I like normalcy, I like routine, I am a creature of habit.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Thanksgiving Day

Today is a day of Thanksgiving and giving thanks means we have to think of the positives in our life, well--twice last night I was able to pass that on...once with personality conflicts within the church..I simply asked my friend did she really see the chairman of the deacons as being an *I want to be in control, be most important, be whatever type person* or was he more *my first time being deacon and now chairman of deacon, I want to do everything right* type person. She admitted that was a possibility. Thank you God and Al-anon.

2nd, sis in law and bro in law brought a friend with them--female--instant personality clash because she was seeking the Belk sale paper..we dont' get that in our little local paper...then will it be in tomorrow's paper she asked...we only get 1 paper a week, we ARE in the country. OMG, she says, where have I landed? Placing my hands on my hips I say...honey child, YOU are in the COUNTRY, this ain't no city, it IS country. Deal with it. Then she demands to know if the meat I cooked is deer. Give me a break! This is MY home. I didn't invite her and she wants to be miss diva???

But I got sidetracked..she also got on Ana's wrong side by insisting that Ana take Ibuprofin for menstrual cramps not Midol...and Ana is saying last night before bed..I really don't like her maw! I replied, I don't either sweetie, but maybe it is just that I am/was super tired and she was super nervous and dumb on the ways of good country folks to which Ana says...maybe so, Maw!! Yay!!!! I want to teach her, guide her into always trying to remember to see the positive side and the negative side. I think it's ok to be able to see the good and bad, it gives me a complete picture, I just do try to focus on the positive. Operative word here, TRY.

Okey spokey...I am off to wash up the rest of the dishes I left last night, rewash the casserol dish Judy (sil) washed. She has macular degeneration disease and can't see well but insists on washing dishes. I try to not say a thing, but do watch them for signs of needing to be rewashed. *sigh*

Oh and we laughed and laughed after church last night. We have dessert following prayer meeting..while sitting there visiting a fellow mentioned that since his son put up deer cameras all on his property he thinks twice about relieving himself while out back..instead he goes into the house. I sympathized saying that having the freedom to do what one pleased where ever they were was one of the good things about living in the country..they are from New Orleans area. Then he says he told his son that if there any pictures on that camera that weren't of deer do not say a word, just delete them immediately and the more we thought on that, the funnier it got. That good belly laugh was just what I needed to relieve the stress that has been building up these past few days.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Day 3 Graham's Visit

Day three began when I woke around 4. I laid there trying to go back to sleep, but of course failing. By 5 I crawled out of bed and put the coffee on, sat down at the computer to wait for my coffee.

Before I woke Terry at 5:30, I heard Graham come out of his room and to the bathroom. Instead of speaking though, he went straight back into the room and closed the door and before long I heard him snoring away.

Terry got up, dressed for work, left for work, I rode my 3 miles, piddled on the computer, finished up my red beans for supper, fixed the girls an egg for breakfast and around 8:30 went on to the nursery. I planted over 200 baskets we had filled and ready, watered them in and watered the rest of the plants in that house, opened up the doors and went to the house.

Graham has arose by now and is dressed, Ana having told him that we will ride into town when he arises and is ready, stop by McDonald's and upload the pic he wants to upload using their wifi, and do a bit of shopping. He is ready, they are ready so off we go.

McD's, where I updated my tab and he uploaded his pic, the bank, post office, jewelry store--I had a ring of mine and Ana had one that needed repairing. While I was taking care of that, Ana, Star and Graham check out the town square. I cannot imagine that I don't have pics of that--it's very nice. They put it in a few years ago and the plantings are growing and filling in nicely. Then we went out to the shopping square, checked out Fred's, Dollar General and the Pig where Graham bought the making for a trifle. I had seen the recipe in the cookbook he brought, and he promised to make us one with some changes since the one in the cook book calls for alcohol (brandy) and we figured the girls would eat some of it. He says they can be made from various types fruit and/or cake but all basically are layered.

So he did one using a plain yellow cake, cut into pieces, over which he poured some lemon/orange and lime jello. After it had set a bit, he added some pineapple tidbits and mandarin oranges. Then he allowed the jello to totally set after which vanilla pudding is dolloped over the mixture and that is topped with whipped cream, then almonds and decorative sprinkles top off the entire thing. it's pretty..we're waiting a bit to see what it tastes like.

Off to taste the Walthall county trifle...

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Day 2 Graham's Visit

A bit more sleep than the first night he was here; I actually slept until around 6. Up and coffee made and my normal check email and FB while sipping that first scrumptious cup. Soon the cell phone was announcing a text I knew was from Shandi...and yep. Each Sunday she texts to be sure I am up so she will know when to come down for breakfast after waking her mom.

Mom's bf and his 2 kids were over, so soon we have pancakes going. Graham got up and dressed immediately for church, looking quite dapper in his waistcoat and tie.

Off to church where he was properly introduced to all we came into contact with--then I left him with Terry and went on to teach my class.

During church J, the music director asked him to stand and introduce himself, which he did a proper job of doing although I know most didn't understand and some couldn't hear as he speaks quite softly..but he did well to be a foreign person in a foreign environment (our church) and suddenly put on the spot.

After church I let him know we did left overs and whatever else we could find for food...he and Ana warmed up some leftover shrimp alfredo, I took a nap before heading back to church and he watched football with Terry and drew a sketch of Ana.

After church I fried some jalapeno poppers I had made during the summer and warmed the kids up some boiled peanuts..kids being Ana and Star who came over this evening.

Now I am about to be off to bed.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Day 1, Graham's visit

Graham's visit: Day 1: I arose early when the cat puked on my bed...ughhh...coffee, a bit of FB, then breakfast of sausage gravy and Terry's good home-made biscuits. On to the water the nursery, fill those remaining 52 baskets and fertilize and put hangars on them-then home to start cooking the late lunch, early supper we were having thanks to Brenda. 

I made a sweet potato salad (ty Pinterest) lemon pies and toasted home made bread and Brenda brought the fixings for shrimp alfredo...good, good. Afterwards, I crashed on the couch for a 15 minute power nap, then up to visit before Brenda and James goes home and Stacie, Graham, Ana and Shandi leave for the Twilight movie. 

Now just catching up before crashing...I am worn out. Must be getting old.

Lordy, I will need some major help come Thanksgiving since Judy and Robert are coming if just today whiped me out this way. Can't figure it out, but will just go with the flow

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

day thus far

Okey dokey...rode my 3 miles on my bike after eating breakfast with Shandi--Ana didn't want any. Ran to town to exchange the oil filter for the tractor, went to Walmart and got Cat Food and Ana some Pepper's; Dr that is....stopped by the bank and put Terry's check in, home. 

Let the couch out, made the hide a bed up, swept the room, then the rest of the house; blew the leaves off the patio, emptied the litter pan and washed the breakfast dishes. Then I rested a few before walking to the greenhouse to water the plugs I should be filling baskets for...I only need 52 more, but I'm out of that kind of energy; cut me up an apple for lunch and have checked emails and played a few games while waiting on time to go to the church to meet with our prospective preacher..oh and I wrote the monthly pay checks.

Later gaters

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

counseling, characters and cookies

For a few months now daughter has been telling me of things our dear Ana tells her, stories of wanting to or having smoked pot, drinking beer, smoking cigs. When questioned dear mama shows typical signs of guilt and says she just lets Ana share because after all, she, mama, has done the same.

I tell mama dear that SHE needs to tell Ana that such tales need to be shared openly, that if Ana is going to live here then I shouldn't be kept in the dark on such things. It certainly continues the cycle of distrust and secrets. As of yet, dear mama hasn't had the talk.

Ana still doesn't have a lot to do with her mom, one can literally feel the anger just beneath the surface; one can see the usage Ana gets out of this situation and how she sticks the proverbial knife in and gives it a twist from time to time. She is one tough cookie.

So yesterday I had my first counseling session, a lady named Chris. Friendly, up front, blunt...I really like her. We chit chatted, getting to know each other, getting the feel for each other--she looking over what the doc had written concerning me and my meds. then we talked.

She advised me to talk with Ana concerning what her mom has told me--questioning why I hadn't already done so since Ana lives with me. I replied at first that I didn't know but as we talked, or she talked and I listened I realized that I didn't want to be seen as the one who caused further problems between mother/daughter. Chris shared that it was NOT my fault that there existed problems between mother/daughter. I didn't use the drugs, I didn't pick unhealthy perverts to have relationships with, I didn't screech and holler at Ana...yadda, yadda, yadda. She reminded me that secrets are the cancer that kill a family.

I felt so much better after talking with her.

Today we show a prospective pastor around the church field. We met with him and his family a couple of weeks ago. Young family, still in seminary, humble, intelligent, soft spoken. We really liked them; they were impressed with the small salary we offered so we got the money thing out of the way. For many we have spoken with, money has been the deal breaker--they needed more, more, more; unwilling to tighten their belt in order to serve the Lord. Sad, Sad, Sad, but such is life.

Our friend Graham is flying across the sky as I type, on his way to Jackson, Ms. We will pick him tonight around 8. I look forward to pleasant visit with him and pray he gets the peace and quiet he needs to help him heal from his recent battles on the work field.

Today will be full..I was going to finish filling the 52 baskets I lack having those done; but I need to run to Columbia and exchange a tractor oil filter, go to the church and do my work there, meet with the pastor/committee today and then see what kind of time I have left.

Adious for the moment

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

fears and such

Fear has a way of creeping into our every day life and causing a lot of havoc.  I don't know about you or anyone else, but there is always the fear that I won't have enough--enough money to pay the bills, enough food to feed the waiting mouths, enough energy to finish the task, enough patience to be kind...just enough.

Even though almost every Sunday I mention in one of the 2 classes I teach how God always provides, I still find myself worrying. Yet I have never gone without a single thing I truly needed.

A few weeks ago the tractor died. We can't buy a new and really need the one we have to be up and working. It was the injector pump. A neighbor helped to take the pump off, gave hubby the address where to send it and the phone number so we took care of that. Finally after waiting what seemed like ages, the guy called with the estimate...over 700.00 and we were thinking like 300. Shocked, but still needing the tractor we said fix it. Finally, again after what seemed like ages, he called for the CC to pay before shipping...900 and according to him he didn't charge for a few things. What few things??? I don't have a clue!!!! But the part is back and almost on.

Add to that the car had to have shocks. Ok, 200.00 later there are shocks/struts on the car, but the nephew and BIL who helped do let the ABS line get caught up in the under workings of the car and while making a right turn the wire snapped into. Now the light is constantly on. Possibly it can be rewired together otherwise it will require a new sensor. I don't have a clue what that cost.

So imagine my distress when Sunday evening my cell phone went into a coma. It would go into screen saver mode and refuse to wake up. Take the battery out and it would come on for a bit then do the same thing again. So Monday I headed to CSpire where we determined it was a corrupted SD card and 22 bucks later I am off and running with a working phone. Whew...missed the bullet on that one because it would have cost close to 200.00 to upgrade because I lack 10 months being up on my 2 yr. contract. I think that is so stupid. Yes, I agree that if I suddenly decide I want a new phone I should have to pay extra if my contract isn't up. However, if for no cause of my own doing my phone suddenly bites the dust and there is NO resurrecting it, I do not believe phone companies should penalize the customer in order for them to get another phone comparable to the one they had.

Plus, even with insurance it costs 100 to replace certain phones which is what happened when Stacie's was lost in the bike wreck.

Speaking of Stacie...she went and applied for a clerk job at the local hardware store. I am praying she gets this job. It should be something she can handle and won't be too stressful on her body, plus it is right there in T-town. Lord, please let her get this job or some good job where she doesn't haven't to life heavy objects or get all greasy.

Now back to fear...and the things that are causing me distress this week. Internet connection. I am on limited data allowance. 15 G a month. Dummy here downloaded an app for the tablet to text on, didn't like it, downloaded another one, then updated the flash player on hubby's computer and used up 6 G of my monthly allowance and it doesn't clear off until the 1st of December. Ugghhh. Maybe if we don't up or download anything else and just surf, that will be sufficient. If it is, then I will know that since they have upped the lower package to 10G I can manage on that and save 30-40 a month and I will drop back down to the first package they offer. I tried that one to begin with but then it was 7.5 and that simply wasn't enough with 3 of us surfing and occasionally up or downloading a pic...nothing else, just anti-virus updating. So I went up to the mid package which has 15g, but is close to 90 a month where as the 7.5 which is now 10 is only 59 a month....$$$$$$$ it's always a worry when it comes to $$$$$.

Oh well, such is life.

At least thank you Lord, hubby has a job, I have insurance and so does he and I don't have to pay for these expensive breathing treatments. Again,l thank you Lord.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Wed,Thurs,Fri

I think...Wednesday we spent most of the day in hattiesburg. We left early, piddled around, ate at Applebee's then on to the hospital for a 2 pm MRI, we thought, but without a 500.00 deposit they wouldn't do it. I wouldn't put it on my credit card. Been there, done that far too many times and never got my money back..so we left, got home, rested a bit then church. We had prayer meeting in the dark. Lightening had hit something on the light pole, knocking out our electric. We gathered under the porch area off the kitchen and had prayer meeting right on.

Thursday I spent at home, except for the evening which I spent at the church working on the financials. I helped Stacie with her living room after checking the nursery out.

Friday I watered, went to a 10a.m. meeting for the pastor search committee where we went through about 40 resumes. We culled a lot based on size of church they had been accustomed to and age...too young and too old we culled. We agreed on 3 to begin with.

Then home for a break while I washed the dishes, then to town for an IEP meeting for Shandi. they are putting her in a self contained classroom. Her cognitive skills/scores are in the low average range, but her academic scores are 5 years behind. They will work with her on her reading and math skills. While in that meeting I had a voice mail letting me know the girls glasses were in, so after the meeting we made a wild dash to McComb for glasses, then back to Tylertown to pick up a friend of Ana's.

I met her dad...an older man with long, long hair, but such a gentleman. He stated he was very overprotected of Star so needed to meet the person she was staying with. I do not blame him for that at all. 

Then home, a short break, transferred the PTO from Tami's vehicle to mine, then to the ballgame where we manned the PTO table until half time. Jeanette B. won the cake, I helped in the concession stand a while, then homeward bound.

Now I am bed-ward-bound!

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Is it Friday yet?

Oh what a week!!!!

Monday morning I woke to no computer access...which as I wrote earlier in the week, I deduced was my router. So I had used the little white router and all was working fine....when I had time to be on the internet. Yesterday after working at the nursery I helped Stacie again in her kitchen. It is looking really good so far.

Last night it was church, meetings and then bed.

This morning I woke to no internet yet again!!! How can another router go out so fast...but when I would plug directly into the computer I had access. So, Stacie and I had planned to be in town early anyway so after we did our morning stuff at McDonalds...breakfast and update the tablets...we first stopped by the florist and ordered Ana a rose for her birthday to be delivered to school. We then rode to Columbia to buy a router. We got that done and by the time we got back to town, the school had called saying Shandi was having an emotional day  and we needed to come pick her up. So we did that...then the bank, the dollar store, lunch and then to our counseling sessions--well actually the intake part.

I am only suffering from anxiety but will still see the doc and possibly a therapist for a while.

Then to grocery store to buy stuff for the weekend because Judy and Robert are on their way--got 1/3 of the way and had to turn around because their truck was not running right. They went home, changed trucks and are on their way again as I type; as well as food for Ana's weiner and marshmallow roast she wants for her birthday.

Then HOME...I unloaded groceries, put away meats, rested a minute, then plugged the new router in. No connection. Stacie comes in and works with it...no connection. We power cycle, we turn off and turn on, we unplug and replug we do everything but the connect dance. Finally I call my internet provider and discover there is a problem affecting people who use routers; they are working on it and possibly I didn't even need to buy a router, so he will credit me 25.00 for the worry and trip and such and if all doesn't continue working call him back.  I rushed to dig the little router out of the garbage where I promptly put it in the box the new one came out of...to put away for just in case. :D

Now, it's time to go start a bite of supper to feed my company when they get here.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Typical Monday

Up every morning at the crack of dawn, go to work just to pay my bills...oh, that isn't how that song goes!!!!

But today is another typical Monday. Up at 6:15, cup of coffee--no internet. What do you mean NO INTERNET??????? I have to have internet with my coffee. But have internet I did not this morning. Finally called the provider, we did the normal stuff that I had already done and the only thing that worked was plugging straight from modem to computer. So he gets off, I try the router route again and again, no internet.

Aha, then I remember a small router Robby had bought when he lived here. I went and got it, plugged it all up and YEP, you guessed it, it was the router. Now tell my why the lights were on but no one was home in my old router. It was only 3 years old. It was an expensive router, one that would shoot the signal all the way up to the nursery. Ugh...but for today I have internet in the house.

Then, off to town Stacie and I go for an IEP meeting with Shandi's teachers and SPED person. They are retesting her and will have her ready to go into contained class in two weeks, when the next 9 weeks begins.

In the meantime, between router failures and IEP meetings I call the gas company for them to come check Stacie's gas line and route her line to where she wanted to move the stove. Then I receive a call from the money man at the Baptist convention board in response to an email I sent him last night asking for help in preparing a pastor package. End result is that he will be down later this week or early next week and will set up a meeting with me and some of our finance committee members..yipppeeee..

Run by grocery and bank, then home where the gas man is already at Stacie's checking things out. I run her on up there, come down, change clothes, go water the plantation at which time the service man has everything done and is gone. Then I put the wiggle wire down one side of the fern house securing the plastic we put on Saturday. Home again, shake the rugs, sweep the floor, put on the laundry and am sitting here resting before vacuuming the office here and trying to neaten it up some.

*sigh* Oh and sometimes today I need to work on the nominating Committee report as we have a meeting Wednesday night.

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The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

who's the adult here

I had dreaded this all morning-S coming in prior to going to the meeting with the math teacher at the baby's school. I didn't want to go, I didn't go. I didn't feel like going for one thing. The other reason I didn't want to go is that I hate going anywhere with Stacie because of her hateful, pissy attitude. I totally believe in speaking up for myself and the children. I totally believe in not being a door mat for anyone. However, I totally believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

My daughter is a very angry person and I am so sick and tired of listening to her. My program says when I am sick and tired of being sick and tired then I will do something about the situation. God, I am in prayer today about what is the best route to take to 'do something about' being exposed to her hatefulness.

The moment arrived. She drove up. I knew she was ill because she wanted me to go with her so she could leave the meeting and go to the motorcycle shop to check on her bike. If the guy hadn't started on the repairs she wanted to bring it home and do it herself. I told her yesterday I wasn't going; I was going to stay inside and take care of ME today and try to let my medicine work on this infection. I knew she was ill because that is her MO these days.

I was not surprised. She comes in and asks if I need anything. I ask her if Roy is going. She replies that she doesn't know and probably not as he avoids her as best he can. I inquire if she has asked him this morning. 

She: No, he knew I was going. he could have said something. 

Me: I think I need to throw you two in a sack and let ya'll fight it out.

She: it isn't he and I, I am worried about, it's me and Ana.

Me: Why do you think she is that way?

She: Because she hates me

Me: Why

She:I don't know

Me: Don't you think that repeated episodes of screaming plays a part? Just a month ago you sent me a text saying I could have her.

She: That's because she was yelling at me

Me: Well you yelled at her and told her to get the F out of your house

She: Because she was yelling at me. Besides you tell me the leave the past in the past.

Me: But repeated episodes of such as I just described leaves a child confused and hurt and determined to not be hurt by the person who is their mom.

She shows me text messages from Ana from last night...mom will you pick up Breianna, I will go with you. If not, forget it.

Then Ana text her back and says, nevermind, Brei can't come.

Stacie text Ana...why do you hate me so much? To which Ana does not reply.

By now her phone goes off and it is a reply from Roy concerning whether he will go with her or not.

She: I am gone. I am not hanging around and wait for him to wake up. I don't like being last minute. I don't drive like a bat out of hell.

Me: Gee, Stacie, a few minutes won't hurt. If you had text him earlier you wouldn't be at this point.

She: Whatever 

And she walks out the door. As she walks out I yell--yes I literally yelled as much as I am capable of yelling today--Stacie, who is the adult here? My God, will you ever grow up?

I noticed that she sat in the truck and waited for him to get up, pee, dress and get out to the truck.

Lord, was I ever that way? Am I that way now?

I think Ana realizes the control she has over her mom. I know Stacie has control issues. There is some major head butting going on here.

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The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

Sunday September 16 2012

Robby and family had come up and I had cooked cornish hens and a roast along with beans, potato salad and carrots. They loaded up some more of their stuff out of the old storage trailer in the back field. 

  I had gone to the doc/np last Monday or Tuesday and got something to help drain sinus congestion. Then I got up Thursday with sore throat. thankfully she also gave me antibiotic which I started taking and am hopefully about to get past the worst. I made church this morning but told them to find someone to teach the class tonight as I was not coming back. 

I woke feeling really worse today than I had for a few days; this sinus congestion having moved into my chest. I determined to make it through Sunday School to teach my class and church because of the business meeting. I had made arrangements for someone else to teach my class tonight so I could stay home. When I came in from church the first thing I saw was Ana with a frown. I asked what was wrong and she refers to her mom who says that Ana is mad at her because she told her (Ana) she needed the full face helmet back. I looked at Stacie and asked where the bike was she was going to ride with the full face helmet as it is in the shop. 

then I come inside to change clothes and when I come back down the hall Stacie is standing at the end of the hall blocking my way into the kitchen/dining area. She is blabbling about something that I refuse to listen to, instead I tell her to get out of my way. I move on into the kitchen to finish up lunch and she follows and in her hateful voice tells me she probably totally ruined the potatoes because I didn't tell her to double the recipe. I snapped at her that I didn't realize she didn't know how to get another pot and make another full batch and combine them. I also tell her that I am damn tired of her coming at me with that hateful tone of voice at which point she says I won't have to be bothered with her and storms out of the house. Thankfully, an hour or two of peace and quiet. She did come back later in the evening in a much better frame of mind

After lunch, Terry and Roy moved my freezer across the room clearing out the corner of the dining room where I wanted to put the couch and recliner so it would be comfortable seating for anyone watching tv in there or company since Ana has taken over the living room. 

After Robby and crew left, I crawled in bed and went straight to sleep.

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The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

today's date in 2012

What a day this has been. So far non-stop, and full of surprises.

I had the kids, my daughter and my ex son in law, set up to help me cut back the ferns today. They have worms and cutting them back is the best one can do--then spray for the worms. So we hit that by 8 this morning. During the trimming time, I had a customer, sold a few plants and spent some time on the phone; first with chairmen of deacons concerning presenting the quote on a copier for the church (ours has quit) and 2nd with the secretary concerning the same topic.

By 10:20 we are done with the ferns. Stacie and I head to town. She has some paperwork to turn in at mental health and I decided to fill out the form and see about getting some counseling. According to my information, Medicaid will paid for it. On my paperwork there was a section asking what was causing me to want counseling. I marked loss of health and other and for other I further explained that I had crazy children!

We arrived at the Mental Health Center and the receptionist tells daughter she needs proof of income. The receptionist has a snippy personality and daughter has issues so there for a bit I thought daughter would show her bootie, but she didn't. I did quietly ask the receptionist to check to be sure that daughter's case was or was not closed and it hadn't been...so I think that may have diffused the situation. I told receptionist what insurance I had and asked her a few questions which she answered. She took my paperwork and told me that since I had insurance she could make me an appointment and I could bring proof of income in when I came in for the session. Finally the receptionist asked us to sit for a bit while she handled some phone calls and made appointments. We hadn't sat there long before some lady who I think said her name was TC came and called me. She was the case manager, maybe, I missed that too, but said she wanted to talk with me a bit today to find out what was going on.

I told her this: Well, I have a serious health issue, adult children who are determined to drive me to drinking, I've been in alanon 24 years and have learned a lot but I just feel that I might need to be told by a professional that it is ok to do some of the things I am doing and not do some of them I am tired of doing. I may just be wasting my time and yours, I added; at which point she interrupted me and said no, we all could use some help.

She talked to me a good 30 minutes and then handed me a slip a paper with an appointment for the 27th of this month. Wow.

From there we went to the school where Shandi goes and went into the office to add her dad to the pick up list. While we are in there, some lady asks daughter if she is Shandi's mom and when she finds out she is, she wants to talk with us. So down the hall we do and find a room to go into and come to find out she is the lady daughter and 2nd husband went to for anger management during some of their drug using days. We talked a while and as I sat there and observed daughter I noticed that she is prone to bring up topics that aren't pertinent to the conversation...or don't help the conversation. She also kept bringing the focus back to herself rather than focusing on Shandi. Eventually Rosemary, (counselor) brought the inclusion teacher into the room and we are told that Shandi is struggling very badly being in the room with the normal kids. Stacie wants to go off asking about what type of computer program they are using and when the teacher gives her the name of it she says..Oh no, forget it. We can't do phonenics. ....and goes into this long speech about Shandi trying to sound out words and finally Staice telling her to just stop. I remark that I think phoenics bothers Stacie more than Shan and Rosemary agrees with me. The inclusion teacher ..when I asked for a recommendation...suggests that Shandi be put into a contained class. This is a class for only special education children; a class geared more to her abilities. I asked Rosemary what she recommended as the behavioral counselor and she recommended the contained class. Stacie is blah, blah, blahing on about herself and I interrupt her and ask how she feels about that and she breaks sentence long enough to say...that is fine with me...and off she goes on her tangent again all about herself.

Several times, as Rosemary talked, Stacie would just laugh, or giggle or sigh or go...hmmm, hummmm, like humming a song until finally Rosemary asked her why she was doing that. Stacie says, "I was just thinking about how I was when I was in school...." and I forget what else she said because I honestly tune her out. It reminded me of what the lady at Mental Health said about the generation that is my daughter's age...they are predominantly all about themselves. They are the ME generation. Sad, sad. Then again, maybe Stacie is trying to appear crazy as a betsy bug so she can get help herself. I don't know, I just know it's frustrating and confusing and embarrassing.

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The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

after Isaac

We have the shade cloth back on the two houses and I have picked up some limbs. I bought thread and tapestry needles to sew the shade cloth back together over the west shade area, but that chore will wait until it cools off. I ordered the plastic for the two greenhouses I will cover for winter.

Of course my normal driver was on vacation. Around 2 a call came in asking where I was. I asked where he was and he said Plunketts...some 10 miles north of me. I said to him to leave Plunketts and come through Sartinville, which is a store on the right and a church on the right..that is crossroad #1, about 3 miles down the road is another crossroad with a church in progress on the right with only black tar paper on it...that is #2...about a mile and half on down the Hwy is crossroad #3 and he was to take a left and I am 1/2 mile on the left.

An hour later he calls again. I am in Tylertown, where are you. Grrrrr...I am where I was when you called an hour ago. 10 miles north of Tylertown. If my regular driver is on next week, just take my plastic back to Jackson and let him deliver. But nothing do him but deliver it...so..come north on 27. When you pass Salem community which is a store, school and church, come to the 1st crossroad and take a right. Ok, he says, come to the 1st right ...NO, I say, the 1st crossroad...I tell you what, when you pass Salem, come 3 miles to the 2nd right..

Oh my, believe it or not, he finally got here. He tells me he is from New Orleans and is looking for large intersections. I crack up laughing and tell him he is in the country, there are NO large intersections, just crossroads.!!!!!!!

Yesterday I was in town rambling around in the dollar store. About every other aisle I went down there was this slender blonde with a heavy set older woman. Finally about the time we were both done shopping, we bump into each other again and she says...what is your name. I tell her and she looks at me funny. I give her my maiden name and she says her maiden name and YES, it was a dear sweet girl I had gone to school with until 9th grade at which time she moved to the school in town. We chatted and promised to get together when she comes back down. I was so glad to connect with her.

Today it was help ex-SIL make copies of his credentials so he can get another job as he got fired from the one he had. I don't know why, isn't my business. Then it was church and nominating committee meetings and working on the 2013 budget for the church. there is always something to keep me occupied.

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The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world