counseling, characters and cookies

For a few months now daughter has been telling me of things our dear Ana tells her, stories of wanting to or having smoked pot, drinking beer, smoking cigs. When questioned dear mama shows typical signs of guilt and says she just lets Ana share because after all, she, mama, has done the same.

I tell mama dear that SHE needs to tell Ana that such tales need to be shared openly, that if Ana is going to live here then I shouldn't be kept in the dark on such things. It certainly continues the cycle of distrust and secrets. As of yet, dear mama hasn't had the talk.

Ana still doesn't have a lot to do with her mom, one can literally feel the anger just beneath the surface; one can see the usage Ana gets out of this situation and how she sticks the proverbial knife in and gives it a twist from time to time. She is one tough cookie.

So yesterday I had my first counseling session, a lady named Chris. Friendly, up front, blunt...I really like her. We chit chatted, getting to know each other, getting the feel for each other--she looking over what the doc had written concerning me and my meds. then we talked.

She advised me to talk with Ana concerning what her mom has told me--questioning why I hadn't already done so since Ana lives with me. I replied at first that I didn't know but as we talked, or she talked and I listened I realized that I didn't want to be seen as the one who caused further problems between mother/daughter. Chris shared that it was NOT my fault that there existed problems between mother/daughter. I didn't use the drugs, I didn't pick unhealthy perverts to have relationships with, I didn't screech and holler at Ana...yadda, yadda, yadda. She reminded me that secrets are the cancer that kill a family.

I felt so much better after talking with her.

Today we show a prospective pastor around the church field. We met with him and his family a couple of weeks ago. Young family, still in seminary, humble, intelligent, soft spoken. We really liked them; they were impressed with the small salary we offered so we got the money thing out of the way. For many we have spoken with, money has been the deal breaker--they needed more, more, more; unwilling to tighten their belt in order to serve the Lord. Sad, Sad, Sad, but such is life.

Our friend Graham is flying across the sky as I type, on his way to Jackson, Ms. We will pick him tonight around 8. I look forward to pleasant visit with him and pray he gets the peace and quiet he needs to help him heal from his recent battles on the work field.

Today will be full..I was going to finish filling the 52 baskets I lack having those done; but I need to run to Columbia and exchange a tractor oil filter, go to the church and do my work there, meet with the pastor/committee today and then see what kind of time I have left.

Adious for the moment

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls