Is it Friday yet?

Oh what a week!!!!

Monday morning I woke to no computer access...which as I wrote earlier in the week, I deduced was my router. So I had used the little white router and all was working fine....when I had time to be on the internet. Yesterday after working at the nursery I helped Stacie again in her kitchen. It is looking really good so far.

Last night it was church, meetings and then bed.

This morning I woke to no internet yet again!!! How can another router go out so fast...but when I would plug directly into the computer I had access. So, Stacie and I had planned to be in town early anyway so after we did our morning stuff at McDonalds...breakfast and update the tablets...we first stopped by the florist and ordered Ana a rose for her birthday to be delivered to school. We then rode to Columbia to buy a router. We got that done and by the time we got back to town, the school had called saying Shandi was having an emotional day  and we needed to come pick her up. So we did that...then the bank, the dollar store, lunch and then to our counseling sessions--well actually the intake part.

I am only suffering from anxiety but will still see the doc and possibly a therapist for a while.

Then to grocery store to buy stuff for the weekend because Judy and Robert are on their way--got 1/3 of the way and had to turn around because their truck was not running right. They went home, changed trucks and are on their way again as I type; as well as food for Ana's weiner and marshmallow roast she wants for her birthday.

Then HOME...I unloaded groceries, put away meats, rested a minute, then plugged the new router in. No connection. Stacie comes in and works with it...no connection. We power cycle, we turn off and turn on, we unplug and replug we do everything but the connect dance. Finally I call my internet provider and discover there is a problem affecting people who use routers; they are working on it and possibly I didn't even need to buy a router, so he will credit me 25.00 for the worry and trip and such and if all doesn't continue working call him back.  I rushed to dig the little router out of the garbage where I promptly put it in the box the new one came out of...to put away for just in case. :D

Now, it's time to go start a bite of supper to feed my company when they get here.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

Typical Monday

Up every morning at the crack of dawn, go to work just to pay my bills...oh, that isn't how that song goes!!!!

But today is another typical Monday. Up at 6:15, cup of coffee--no internet. What do you mean NO INTERNET??????? I have to have internet with my coffee. But have internet I did not this morning. Finally called the provider, we did the normal stuff that I had already done and the only thing that worked was plugging straight from modem to computer. So he gets off, I try the router route again and again, no internet.

Aha, then I remember a small router Robby had bought when he lived here. I went and got it, plugged it all up and YEP, you guessed it, it was the router. Now tell my why the lights were on but no one was home in my old router. It was only 3 years old. It was an expensive router, one that would shoot the signal all the way up to the nursery. Ugh...but for today I have internet in the house.

Then, off to town Stacie and I go for an IEP meeting with Shandi's teachers and SPED person. They are retesting her and will have her ready to go into contained class in two weeks, when the next 9 weeks begins.

In the meantime, between router failures and IEP meetings I call the gas company for them to come check Stacie's gas line and route her line to where she wanted to move the stove. Then I receive a call from the money man at the Baptist convention board in response to an email I sent him last night asking for help in preparing a pastor package. End result is that he will be down later this week or early next week and will set up a meeting with me and some of our finance committee members..yipppeeee..

Run by grocery and bank, then home where the gas man is already at Stacie's checking things out. I run her on up there, come down, change clothes, go water the plantation at which time the service man has everything done and is gone. Then I put the wiggle wire down one side of the fern house securing the plastic we put on Saturday. Home again, shake the rugs, sweep the floor, put on the laundry and am sitting here resting before vacuuming the office here and trying to neaten it up some.

*sigh* Oh and sometimes today I need to work on the nominating Committee report as we have a meeting Wednesday night.

--
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
--Fritz Perls

who's the adult here

I had dreaded this all morning-S coming in prior to going to the meeting with the math teacher at the baby's school. I didn't want to go, I didn't go. I didn't feel like going for one thing. The other reason I didn't want to go is that I hate going anywhere with Stacie because of her hateful, pissy attitude. I totally believe in speaking up for myself and the children. I totally believe in not being a door mat for anyone. However, I totally believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

My daughter is a very angry person and I am so sick and tired of listening to her. My program says when I am sick and tired of being sick and tired then I will do something about the situation. God, I am in prayer today about what is the best route to take to 'do something about' being exposed to her hatefulness.

The moment arrived. She drove up. I knew she was ill because she wanted me to go with her so she could leave the meeting and go to the motorcycle shop to check on her bike. If the guy hadn't started on the repairs she wanted to bring it home and do it herself. I told her yesterday I wasn't going; I was going to stay inside and take care of ME today and try to let my medicine work on this infection. I knew she was ill because that is her MO these days.

I was not surprised. She comes in and asks if I need anything. I ask her if Roy is going. She replies that she doesn't know and probably not as he avoids her as best he can. I inquire if she has asked him this morning. 

She: No, he knew I was going. he could have said something. 

Me: I think I need to throw you two in a sack and let ya'll fight it out.

She: it isn't he and I, I am worried about, it's me and Ana.

Me: Why do you think she is that way?

She: Because she hates me

Me: Why

She:I don't know

Me: Don't you think that repeated episodes of screaming plays a part? Just a month ago you sent me a text saying I could have her.

She: That's because she was yelling at me

Me: Well you yelled at her and told her to get the F out of your house

She: Because she was yelling at me. Besides you tell me the leave the past in the past.

Me: But repeated episodes of such as I just described leaves a child confused and hurt and determined to not be hurt by the person who is their mom.

She shows me text messages from Ana from last night...mom will you pick up Breianna, I will go with you. If not, forget it.

Then Ana text her back and says, nevermind, Brei can't come.

Stacie text Ana...why do you hate me so much? To which Ana does not reply.

By now her phone goes off and it is a reply from Roy concerning whether he will go with her or not.

She: I am gone. I am not hanging around and wait for him to wake up. I don't like being last minute. I don't drive like a bat out of hell.

Me: Gee, Stacie, a few minutes won't hurt. If you had text him earlier you wouldn't be at this point.

She: Whatever 

And she walks out the door. As she walks out I yell--yes I literally yelled as much as I am capable of yelling today--Stacie, who is the adult here? My God, will you ever grow up?

I noticed that she sat in the truck and waited for him to get up, pee, dress and get out to the truck.

Lord, was I ever that way? Am I that way now?

I think Ana realizes the control she has over her mom. I know Stacie has control issues. There is some major head butting going on here.

--
The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

Sunday September 16 2012

Robby and family had come up and I had cooked cornish hens and a roast along with beans, potato salad and carrots. They loaded up some more of their stuff out of the old storage trailer in the back field. 

  I had gone to the doc/np last Monday or Tuesday and got something to help drain sinus congestion. Then I got up Thursday with sore throat. thankfully she also gave me antibiotic which I started taking and am hopefully about to get past the worst. I made church this morning but told them to find someone to teach the class tonight as I was not coming back. 

I woke feeling really worse today than I had for a few days; this sinus congestion having moved into my chest. I determined to make it through Sunday School to teach my class and church because of the business meeting. I had made arrangements for someone else to teach my class tonight so I could stay home. When I came in from church the first thing I saw was Ana with a frown. I asked what was wrong and she refers to her mom who says that Ana is mad at her because she told her (Ana) she needed the full face helmet back. I looked at Stacie and asked where the bike was she was going to ride with the full face helmet as it is in the shop. 

then I come inside to change clothes and when I come back down the hall Stacie is standing at the end of the hall blocking my way into the kitchen/dining area. She is blabbling about something that I refuse to listen to, instead I tell her to get out of my way. I move on into the kitchen to finish up lunch and she follows and in her hateful voice tells me she probably totally ruined the potatoes because I didn't tell her to double the recipe. I snapped at her that I didn't realize she didn't know how to get another pot and make another full batch and combine them. I also tell her that I am damn tired of her coming at me with that hateful tone of voice at which point she says I won't have to be bothered with her and storms out of the house. Thankfully, an hour or two of peace and quiet. She did come back later in the evening in a much better frame of mind

After lunch, Terry and Roy moved my freezer across the room clearing out the corner of the dining room where I wanted to put the couch and recliner so it would be comfortable seating for anyone watching tv in there or company since Ana has taken over the living room. 

After Robby and crew left, I crawled in bed and went straight to sleep.

--
The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

today's date in 2012

What a day this has been. So far non-stop, and full of surprises.

I had the kids, my daughter and my ex son in law, set up to help me cut back the ferns today. They have worms and cutting them back is the best one can do--then spray for the worms. So we hit that by 8 this morning. During the trimming time, I had a customer, sold a few plants and spent some time on the phone; first with chairmen of deacons concerning presenting the quote on a copier for the church (ours has quit) and 2nd with the secretary concerning the same topic.

By 10:20 we are done with the ferns. Stacie and I head to town. She has some paperwork to turn in at mental health and I decided to fill out the form and see about getting some counseling. According to my information, Medicaid will paid for it. On my paperwork there was a section asking what was causing me to want counseling. I marked loss of health and other and for other I further explained that I had crazy children!

We arrived at the Mental Health Center and the receptionist tells daughter she needs proof of income. The receptionist has a snippy personality and daughter has issues so there for a bit I thought daughter would show her bootie, but she didn't. I did quietly ask the receptionist to check to be sure that daughter's case was or was not closed and it hadn't been...so I think that may have diffused the situation. I told receptionist what insurance I had and asked her a few questions which she answered. She took my paperwork and told me that since I had insurance she could make me an appointment and I could bring proof of income in when I came in for the session. Finally the receptionist asked us to sit for a bit while she handled some phone calls and made appointments. We hadn't sat there long before some lady who I think said her name was TC came and called me. She was the case manager, maybe, I missed that too, but said she wanted to talk with me a bit today to find out what was going on.

I told her this: Well, I have a serious health issue, adult children who are determined to drive me to drinking, I've been in alanon 24 years and have learned a lot but I just feel that I might need to be told by a professional that it is ok to do some of the things I am doing and not do some of them I am tired of doing. I may just be wasting my time and yours, I added; at which point she interrupted me and said no, we all could use some help.

She talked to me a good 30 minutes and then handed me a slip a paper with an appointment for the 27th of this month. Wow.

From there we went to the school where Shandi goes and went into the office to add her dad to the pick up list. While we are in there, some lady asks daughter if she is Shandi's mom and when she finds out she is, she wants to talk with us. So down the hall we do and find a room to go into and come to find out she is the lady daughter and 2nd husband went to for anger management during some of their drug using days. We talked a while and as I sat there and observed daughter I noticed that she is prone to bring up topics that aren't pertinent to the conversation...or don't help the conversation. She also kept bringing the focus back to herself rather than focusing on Shandi. Eventually Rosemary, (counselor) brought the inclusion teacher into the room and we are told that Shandi is struggling very badly being in the room with the normal kids. Stacie wants to go off asking about what type of computer program they are using and when the teacher gives her the name of it she says..Oh no, forget it. We can't do phonenics. ....and goes into this long speech about Shandi trying to sound out words and finally Staice telling her to just stop. I remark that I think phoenics bothers Stacie more than Shan and Rosemary agrees with me. The inclusion teacher ..when I asked for a recommendation...suggests that Shandi be put into a contained class. This is a class for only special education children; a class geared more to her abilities. I asked Rosemary what she recommended as the behavioral counselor and she recommended the contained class. Stacie is blah, blah, blahing on about herself and I interrupt her and ask how she feels about that and she breaks sentence long enough to say...that is fine with me...and off she goes on her tangent again all about herself.

Several times, as Rosemary talked, Stacie would just laugh, or giggle or sigh or go...hmmm, hummmm, like humming a song until finally Rosemary asked her why she was doing that. Stacie says, "I was just thinking about how I was when I was in school...." and I forget what else she said because I honestly tune her out. It reminded me of what the lady at Mental Health said about the generation that is my daughter's age...they are predominantly all about themselves. They are the ME generation. Sad, sad. Then again, maybe Stacie is trying to appear crazy as a betsy bug so she can get help herself. I don't know, I just know it's frustrating and confusing and embarrassing.

--
The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world

after Isaac

We have the shade cloth back on the two houses and I have picked up some limbs. I bought thread and tapestry needles to sew the shade cloth back together over the west shade area, but that chore will wait until it cools off. I ordered the plastic for the two greenhouses I will cover for winter.

Of course my normal driver was on vacation. Around 2 a call came in asking where I was. I asked where he was and he said Plunketts...some 10 miles north of me. I said to him to leave Plunketts and come through Sartinville, which is a store on the right and a church on the right..that is crossroad #1, about 3 miles down the road is another crossroad with a church in progress on the right with only black tar paper on it...that is #2...about a mile and half on down the Hwy is crossroad #3 and he was to take a left and I am 1/2 mile on the left.

An hour later he calls again. I am in Tylertown, where are you. Grrrrr...I am where I was when you called an hour ago. 10 miles north of Tylertown. If my regular driver is on next week, just take my plastic back to Jackson and let him deliver. But nothing do him but deliver it...so..come north on 27. When you pass Salem community which is a store, school and church, come to the 1st crossroad and take a right. Ok, he says, come to the 1st right ...NO, I say, the 1st crossroad...I tell you what, when you pass Salem, come 3 miles to the 2nd right..

Oh my, believe it or not, he finally got here. He tells me he is from New Orleans and is looking for large intersections. I crack up laughing and tell him he is in the country, there are NO large intersections, just crossroads.!!!!!!!

Yesterday I was in town rambling around in the dollar store. About every other aisle I went down there was this slender blonde with a heavy set older woman. Finally about the time we were both done shopping, we bump into each other again and she says...what is your name. I tell her and she looks at me funny. I give her my maiden name and she says her maiden name and YES, it was a dear sweet girl I had gone to school with until 9th grade at which time she moved to the school in town. We chatted and promised to get together when she comes back down. I was so glad to connect with her.

Today it was help ex-SIL make copies of his credentials so he can get another job as he got fired from the one he had. I don't know why, isn't my business. Then it was church and nominating committee meetings and working on the 2013 budget for the church. there is always something to keep me occupied.

--
The only thing that is the end of the world--IS the end of the world