Enabling

When they don't take care of what they're supposed to take care of--what do many of them do? Run to mama or daddy.
Why? Because as Robby told Stacie one time--mom and dad will always take care of it for me.

And for many years we did. While he spent his money on alcohol and drugs, going out partying, new clothes, movies, etc--we paid fines so they wouldn't come arrest him. After all, he was working. We didn't want to screw that up. Still, he never used his money to pay his obligations.

Finally one day I had enough. I refused and continue to refuse to work my ass off to hand the money over to a person perfectly capable of working and managing his money. Period.

When I married, I cut all hopes of help from my folks. True, mom did let us stay with her a month when we moved back home from the coast, just until we found a place to live.

If I wanted a home, I had to work and earn the money to rent or buy it. If I wanted to take care of my son, I had to fork over the money. If I wanted a way to go places, I had to buy it, insure it and put gas in it. If I wanted health insurance, it was up to me.

When Terry and I both quit our jobs on the same day--each not knowing the other quit--we found something to do to earn enough to pay the necessities. We didn't have any extra for non essentials--but we made it until we both found regular jobs again.

Why was it ok for us to fend for ourselves and it isn't for our kids?
I know times are rough. I know our kids have a problem==addiction. But how often have we allowed them to figure a way out of the problem they have gotten themselves into?

I know there are times when help is necessary. My grandma helped me out a couple of times when she saw a need. But, she also saw that I was doing everything I could to make it and she knew the situation was basically beyond my control. That's when we should want to help, if and when we can financially.

I don't mean to be pointing the finger at anyone who has helped their child simply because anytime a finger is pointed at anyone, there are 3 more pointing back at me. I've done it all.

But I, so far, have stopped doing it for my son. The only way he gets any money from me is to work for it and I don't pay him above average wage either.
The only way I help Stacie, is one big ticket purchase at a time for which she simply doesn't have the funds for at one time...such as 4 new tires. Then she pays that back and there is no other help until that loan is paid is off. Anything else I do, is because I want to do it and I can afford to it.