other people's money

June 26 was Beth’s weekend to go stay with mother. During her visit Mother mentioned that she had asked Judy for her bank statement several times, but as of yet Judy hadn’t produced it. Mother asked Beth to check and see if the statement had come in.

So Beth looked on the table and in the mail box, but no statement. She then noticed a couple of bags of garbage Judy hadn’t taken out. She opened one and found all the envelopes from the mail Judy had opened. She closed that bag, and opened the other one. The first thing she saw was mother’s bank statement shredded.

She went back to the nursing home and told mother the statement wasn’t in the mailbox or on the table. She didn’t have the heart to tell her she had found a bank statement shredded—yet there was a stack of them on the kitchen table unshredded.

On Tuesday, June 30, Beth called me and shared this info with me. We discussed what should be done. She then called Terry and Brenda and by Wednesday, today, they had decided they would all 3 go down and have mother give the bank permission to give them a copy of her missing bank statement.

They did this and in doing so discovered that Judy had spend close to 4000.00 during the month at the casinos according to the statement dated May 15-June 15. According to the bank records, another 2000.00 was unaccounted for also.

The told mother about this and showed her the bank statements. While she looks at the bank statement, Judy walks in the room. However, Judy doesn’t say a word. Mother decides that when she confronts Judy she wants Robert, Judy’s husband there also. She also is having the 3 go to the credit union tomorrow and check to see if the 30,000.00 she had cashed in from savings bonds had been deposited and also to deposit close to another 30,000.00 from an accident settlement she just got. They are also going to have Judy’s name removed from any account dealing with money and have the other 3 kid’s name put on it. Mother will call the bank and have her atm card number changed as well as call her credit card company and have that number changed because Judy has possession of both of those.

But, Judy bowls on Wednesday nite and she informed them she had to bowl tomorrow for someone else. She also goes to the casino after bowling, and Terry and his other two sisters believe the bowling for someone else is an excuse to not come see mother tomorrow. So whether or not they all confront her or not remains to be seen. If Judy doesn’t show her face at the home, confrontation isn’t possible.

Lord what a mess. Mother trusted Judy. Judy was the one who lives nearest and mother believed she would handle her money properly. Yet that isn’t how addiction works and mother simply doesn’t understand addiction.