Shandi walked in as I was typing the previous email. She says: I have woke my mom up 3 times and she falls back to sleep. I guess I need you to help me with my homework. I put her to work on some math and walked up the hill. CJ and BJ both were gone so it was just Stacie and I up there. I walked in, flipped her light on--(btw, she keeps her bedroom pitch black) and called her name very loudly. I told her basically--wake up. No damn wonder you don't sleep at night, you sleep all day. If you can't get up and find a job, the least you can do is be up when your children come in from school and be a damn mother to them. Instead, I have taken them to the eye doc, and Shandi has tried to wake you and you keep falling asleep. Furthermore, if you don't sleep at night, by god, don't get up and go somewhere the next day and if you have to go somewhere, do NOT take the damn pills you haul around with you like they were gold. Are you on other drugs too: Drugs of the illegal kind to which she replied no.
I continued--well you might as be because what you are taking keeps you drugged up and stupid acting. If your meds aren't right for God's sake go to the doctor. I refuse to continue to watch you do this to yourself, I refuse to be worry and I refuse to take on all your responsibilities w/o legal custody of these girls...speaking of which...
IF you EVER let happen what happen last night, I will not only take the keys from you, and you will have to walk, beg or borrow a ride, but I will see that those girls are taken away from you permanently. Now..see if you can't get up, make some choices that will improve your life and get to living rather than sleeping your life away.
After informing her we had a meeting with the school tomorrow concerning Shandi, I turned and left as quickly as I arrived.
I do not feel bad about what I said, I do not feel about doing it the way I did. I hadn't planned to do it that way, but when children are involved, disappointed and upset then I get upset.
I know what I did didn't solve the driving unsafely issue. However, it does let her know I am aware and I do have plans in case it should happen again.
I do believe it's medication overload. I do believe that Stacie is using this as an excuse/escape. I do believe that she can improve on her situation and be her own advocate for what is working and what isn't; but I think she enjoys being the victim. However, mama is tired of it and I've told her so.
millions of mothers across the world know that my 'rant' to Stacie was about as useful as a side saddle on a boar hog.........oh yeah, she will/probably is very pissed at me at the moment, then she will get over that and be the sweet girl for a few days, then slowly she will slip back into her hiding phase.
I guess I need to start to finding out what options are open for me. I would have her committed; but I would not commit her to a paid rehab. I would admit her to a state hospital and she could deal with that. I will not sign my name on the line for anything that involves money. Not for her. Not for Robby either. They have siphoned off all they will get from me other than what I choose to help them. I am thinking and making plans and formulating the best route.
I think I would like to see her medication doctor to explain what I SEE when Stacie takes certain medicines. However, since I can't remember nor do I know for sure what she takes when she takes it--would that do any good? I don't know.
Then I think about my own health. Shouldn't I be considering that? The doc says I'm not better, but no worse. he is sending me to an infectious disease doc, in case I haven't told ya'll that and in case I did...oh well. LOL He wants this doc to determine if I am bad enough to warrant the IV treatment and all it will involve.
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Character is what we are, not what others think we are.
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