Assessment

April 26, 2009 ramblings

There were no children left to take care of my paternal g'ma, just me, my sis and my bro. Since I lived close, and since my sis and bro helped mom some 20 miles away; g'ma was left to me.

Did I resent it? No. This doesn't mean that I was holier than thou, better than others--it simply means that this is who I am; it's part of my make up I suppose. Al-anon has helped a lot there too.

But all my life I've stepped up to the plate and took care of whom ever needed taking care of--whether it was my 'job' or not. It began at age 11 with my sister and ended with my neighbor, Dane; so far anyway. Well, in actuality it hasn't ended, I still help with the grands, but ya get the picture.

I remember once, years ago, when I had my brother here, a fellow at church saying something to the effect of how great it was that Terry and I took my brother in considering we had 2 kids of our own. I looked at him like he was nuts. I honestly thought it was what I supposed to do.

I'm grateful that I was able to do these things without resentments. Each of them have taught me something valuable. I am also grateful at this point in life that other than the girls, I don't have anyone to 'tend to'. I am also grateful that I have learned to say no when appropriate.

Now; I so agree with you concerning Judy. She will and does need time away, regardless of where she goes during her time. I suppose what it bothering Brenda is the attitude Judy has about the whole thing. It's a poor me, look how I'm going to be tied down attitude--
What's funny is sometimes Brenda has that same negative attitude and I'm reminded of what I've learned in alanon; when something in someone else bugs me, often it's because I see myself in them. :D

Here are the girls and my assessment of them....unprofessio nal as it is.


Judy; oldest, very uptight, proper, holds things in, controlling. Will attend church, but doesn't talk much about a relationship with God. From what I know she's not very spiritual.

Brenda: second, more open minded, verbal about feelings, a bit defensive, a true caretaker. Brenda is not nearly as uptight as Judy, nor nearly as proper in behavior as Judy. IOW, neither/ none of the girls would talk openly about sex or joke about it like I might do. Brenda will quickly tell you that her faith has helped her through many trials and positive thinking is very important.
Brenda went through grief counseling after Bobby's death; I also share a lot of alanon with her; we've grown and changed together through the years.

Terry: third, only boy, before al-anon he was very close mouthed about feelings, stubborn to a fault, close minded and controlling.
Since attending al-anon, he is often moved to tears although he has trouble expressing feelings, he does try. He's more open minded, less controlling, and not nearly as stubborn. He's very spiritual.

Elizabeth: baby, Beth will talk to me about feelings thoughts, problems, she's more tender hearted and easily hurt than the other girls. She's another caretaker, will defend her beliefs to the end. Beth is probably the most 'religious' of all the children, but she's also very spiritual.

Now Mother is not doing well. Her bowels are impacted. The hospital didn't make sure they were moving but instead called ahead to the rehab and told them to do something. The hospital did give her medication, even an enema, and dug some out; but nothing is moving the stuff on through.

Given she's paralyzed from the waist down, I'm wondering if such body functions will be normal or what happens there?

You know how talk goes. Beth talked with a nurse at her church-the nurse said sounded like mother had a spinal stroke. I looked that up and couldn't understand what I read as it was all in medical lingo. I did grab hold of this....that in some cases a spinal stroke not only paralyzes the limbs, but in cases where it's from the waist down, body functions are also or can also be paralyzed. But we don't even know if this is what happened. I don't even know what type doctor treated her.

The nurse at the rehab told them they had cause to sue the hospital because the hospital didn't do an MRI when they brought mother in that first day complaing of back pain.

They are trying to get legal matters in order. Mother tells the girls to release her so she can die. It's a mess.

Brenda's car quit on her last night at a restaurant, and Terry had to go bring it home today. She needed to come in and go back to work. She took her truck, which she had left here for us to run from time to time to keep it chareged up. She will call the dealership tomorrow, as it's only a bit over a year old and she's had trouble with it from the get go. So Terry drove 250 miles to the coast to get Brenda's car, then drove back home today. This meant I had the nursery by myself this evening.

I'm taking another run of antibiotic for this bronchitis. This one makes me sensitive to the sun--guess where I work? Guess who has sunburn on her feet and knuckles of all places. I could understand my feet. I've worn sandels the past few days due to the heat and my feet were fairly white, but my knuckles? Not my hands, arms, legs......but my feet, my knuckles and my cheeks have a little burn on them.