I have told each of these people on the hill to find them a job--I even took TA to the employment office with me yesterday when I took a resume down there for Stacie and I. There is a job opening in Foxworth for an office clerk and we both applied for it.
Robby is in Tickfaw taking an OSHA test and then supposedly leaving for Oklahoma to work with the crew he went with back after the tornadoes that hit up north. CJ's husband, Brian is filling out his app and taking his drug test so he will hopefully get to leave out Monday, if not today.
I don't know what kind of job TA will get but I told her the other day that I wasn't turning the nursery over to anyone. If Terry gets to work full time with the county I will either downsize or close the doors if I can find me a job in a controlled environment. I cannot depend on her to be here or do what needs to be done in a timely fashion.
CJ and Brian have been so far the best toward being of help--CJ helps water even with bruised ribs, helps cooks and cleans. BJ is up here every day, changing sprinklers, weeding, doing whatever I give him to do. He helped mow the church yard and Terry gave him his share of the money yesterday since he was going to put in for this job Robby helped him with. He told Terry we didn't owe him anything because we were providing the roof over his head...they stay at Stacie's but it's our house and no one pays rent.
Stacie can't get unemployment until a doctor releases her for work...because she was honest and stated on her weekly app that she was not able to work last week. She sure got pissed for being punished for being honest. Roy hasn't paid child support in over a month and even has requested a review of his child support payments. I wrote the letter to Child Support services for Stacie stating why I thought the amount paid didn't need to be changed unless their father was wishing to give them a cost of living increase...LOL.
AnnaD has been sick all week with what the ER doc called a sinus infection, but since she still feels horrible she thinks she is still sick. I keep telling her that sinus infections make you want to die you feel so bad.
They are wearing the thermometer out checking her temp now that she is on antibiotic...which is funny to me. The whole time before going to the doctor when her head was splitting they never checked her temp. Now she is on meds, they check it several times a day.
People are so funny!!!
I need to ask/tell you something in the strictest of confidence. Regina came by yesterday and told me that Anastasia told Sky she didn't love her Wednesday night and rolled her eyes at Regina. Seems Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah she loved them but then looked at Sky and said, I don't love you though.
Regina said that Casey (CJ's daughter) said to sky, but I love you. Regina led me to believe that she was standing right there and heard and saw all this.
So, when the girls came in I asked them about it. Casey said she couldn't figure out how Regina saw or heard any of the conversation since Regina wasn't close to them at all and there was a lot of youngun noise going on. She said what actually was said was Ana was telling Elizabeth and Savannah how much she loved them and missed them and Sky ran up and said something snarky to Ana and Ana says, whatever and rolled her eyes at Sky. I talked to the girls separately so they couldn't 'get their story straight' and Casey is prone to always tell it like it is even if it is her friend. She doesn't sugar coat anything.
So then I asked Ana and she said virtually the same thing with the addition of this--As mean as Sky was to my sister last year on the bus, I don't have anything for her but I did not say anything hateful to her.
So..here I sit knowing it would only make matters worse to take the girls to Regina and have them deny what she told me. Yet, I don't feel right having Ana apologize for something she didn't do. I was ready to punish her and make her apologize to both Regina and Sky, but Casey said she did not say that to the child. I do not believe that Ana or Shandi is beyond being little snits. I know they can be. I know Ana could have said that and been joking too because they all do it to each other.
Regina also said that Ana had yelled at Sky in the lunch room to go away and stay away from them (Ana and AnnaD) according to the woman who takes up the money in the lunch room, Robbie Puder. According to Regina, Sky had gone up to talk to AnnaD. Anna D has no recollection of this happening. Casey said Sky came up to her and Ana in the lunch room one day and other than telling Sky they couldn't sit together because it's the rules, Ana didn't say anything to her.
I hate this kind of stuff. I hate it with a passion.
--
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tie a Knot
When can one look back and say precisely when the chaos started, what was the initiating factor that caused the pyramid to begin to crumble. Maybe it isn't possible to do this.
I get busy with living life and forget to pay attention to the small details; small details that, at the time of event, don't seem so important. Yet down the road I begin to see that maybe that one event was the beginning of the war.
Wednesday tension was high. At the moment, I don't even remember what subject had certain people in an uproar, other than me and my crazies. Ever since being diagnosed with this bacteria, facing the reality of what is happening to my body, knowing I will have to give up the nursery business before many moons rise and set, plus some of the meds I am on, I have become a hard person to get along with, or so I think.
On the other hand, when I do share a few incidents with someone else, I am assured that I am not the outlaw here, I am not being treated right. I know I've stayed in a semi state of unrest and dissatisfaction for a number of months. TA came here assuring us all that she wanted to help in the nursery, wanted to learn how to run it, would do this and that and half a dozen other things. Truth is, yes she likes to help in the nursery. When it's convenient for her. The rest of the time she wants to be washing clothes, tending the horse, riding the roads when she has money until it's all gone. Yes, she works around here. She is constantly doing something--washing clothes, cleaning their pad, and during garden season, putting up veggies. All on her time schedule.
So tension has run high. But on Wednesday evening she walks in while I'm cooking supper and begins to tell us (Stacie, CJ and I) about how Robby jumped all over her Tuesday night, saying ugly, hurtful things to her, yadda, yadda, yadda--the same old, 'he got drunk' tale of woe. We emphathized, listened, shared a few things we'd learn, then I got ready for church and left. I felt that things were back on a more even keel with TA and I given she had mentioned she knew she needed to be up there helping me but with all this with Robby she just couldn't think straight.
Thursday they left going to La for doctor appointments. I worked alone, watering in the heat until noon, then shut the store as I've been doing since the heat got so bad. Later that evening Stacie asked if I knew Patrick was coming to which I replied in the negative. Later on around 6ish, Robby text to say Pat was coming to which I replied, About time ya'll told me. :) Rather than him answering, he either hands phone to TA or gets her phone and texted back saying they let me know as soon as they knew. I responded that both TA and AnnaD had been heard to say he was coming, but don't sweat it, supper is fixed if you're hungry when you get here.
Sure nuff' they come in, fix a plate and take it back to their pad, never even saying much to me. Of course they never came over to help clean up the kitchen either and they saw me working on the church financial report. Oh well, nothing new.
Stacie and CJ left after supper heading to Texas to get BJ, CJ's husband and I had all 4 kids. So I got them settled, did my work, washed the dishes and went to bed. Friday (today) I get up and go to work as usual. Around 8 Stacie, CJ and BJ come in, stop by a minute then head home for a bit. A short while later Stacie comes back pissed to high heaven about Robby and TA. For the life of me I can't remember what they were arguing over other than some money TA was supposed to have paid Stacie back, but they brought the argument to the store with Robby being short and ugly with me. I managed to quietly tell him how I felt about the supper incident and to let him know that I was done with TA.
It was funny that in less than an hour TA came wandering up and planted up some rose cuttings she had rooted but didn't offer to do anything else toward helping me. Of course the watering was done. Stacie and the girls had helped me, but it would have been nice had she offered.
Anywho, it gets 12 and I close and head to the house with Stacie who wants a witness when she asks TA why Anastasia can't go fishing with Robby and TA. So we find TA and Stacie asks--Why can't Ana go fishing with all? Why did you tell her she couldn't go? TA says, "I don't care who goes". Stacie asks her again to which TA answers the same way so I ask, "Did you tell Ana she couldn't go fishing." TA says, "I was only repeating what Robby told to me to say."
Robby had come up and he told Stacie he said no because he didn't have enough life vest. Stacie told him she would remember that and walked away. I know she was hurt because she had took AnnaD and James to the river every time she took her kids and CJ's kids. Robby nor TA ever offered money to help get in either, they just sent their kids and never thought about it.
Lots of other things were said that were hurtful but such is life when so many people live so close together.
I left and went to see my doctor. I talked with him about 30 minutes about all the stuff that's going on; the effects the medicine is having on me; accepting my inability to do what I used to do, the kids and their lack of working with me, fear of the future and income. He is trying me on some Celexia to see if I can take it to help take the edge off during the day since I told him I just wanted to slap the snot out of everyone who didn't act right. Loud noises make me want to just scream and I do believe if I could get somewhere and had the breath to scream to the top of my lungs, I would feel better.
So I come home and Stacie and CJ have cooked supper, pork loin, potato salad and baked beans. It was sooo good. While we were waiting on it to cook, AnnaD comes in and says the women aren't going fishing because the horse is in heat and someone has to stay and watch her. I asked if they were going to camp out down by her pen.........in fact she had gotten out today and wandered down to the neighbors to visit with the male horse he has. Just what I need, another horse. Damn.
A while later TA texts to say she, AnnaD and James aren't going fishing, instead they are going to McComb. She is taking the kids to the bowling alley and will drop them off and go back and get them. I asked what about the horse and was told that she was coming back to check on the horse then go back and the kids--a trip of 100 miles. I was a bit smart aleck with her and said--ok, good you have plenty of money to buy all that gas to which she said she was going to go to walmart but because of the horse she didn't want to cause a problem. I told her to do whatever she wanted the horse would do whatever she wanted to do and she, TA, could deal with it when she got back.
When I left going to the church I stopped in to let them know where I was going. She was just sitting in her office chair and AnnaD was laying on the couch. When I got back around 8 they were gone.
It's times like these when I have to tie a knot and hang on. I know this too shall pass. I know I am being unreasonable at times. I also know I am not being treated fairly at times. I know Stacie has been hurt by TA and Robby and Stacie, much like her mother, has a hard time not allowing the hurt to turn to anger. It's a new experience for her and she is stumbling through this part of recovery, but at least she is trying. I know that if we all don't kill each other first, we should all grow through this and become closer, stronger and better people. I know that this could all work in my favor, but I also feel like I am being used like a dish rag in a kitchen full of busy cooks. I also know I can feel mighty sorry for myself and self pity is something I cannot afford to give into.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
I get busy with living life and forget to pay attention to the small details; small details that, at the time of event, don't seem so important. Yet down the road I begin to see that maybe that one event was the beginning of the war.
Wednesday tension was high. At the moment, I don't even remember what subject had certain people in an uproar, other than me and my crazies. Ever since being diagnosed with this bacteria, facing the reality of what is happening to my body, knowing I will have to give up the nursery business before many moons rise and set, plus some of the meds I am on, I have become a hard person to get along with, or so I think.
On the other hand, when I do share a few incidents with someone else, I am assured that I am not the outlaw here, I am not being treated right. I know I've stayed in a semi state of unrest and dissatisfaction for a number of months. TA came here assuring us all that she wanted to help in the nursery, wanted to learn how to run it, would do this and that and half a dozen other things. Truth is, yes she likes to help in the nursery. When it's convenient for her. The rest of the time she wants to be washing clothes, tending the horse, riding the roads when she has money until it's all gone. Yes, she works around here. She is constantly doing something--washing clothes, cleaning their pad, and during garden season, putting up veggies. All on her time schedule.
So tension has run high. But on Wednesday evening she walks in while I'm cooking supper and begins to tell us (Stacie, CJ and I) about how Robby jumped all over her Tuesday night, saying ugly, hurtful things to her, yadda, yadda, yadda--the same old, 'he got drunk' tale of woe. We emphathized, listened, shared a few things we'd learn, then I got ready for church and left. I felt that things were back on a more even keel with TA and I given she had mentioned she knew she needed to be up there helping me but with all this with Robby she just couldn't think straight.
Thursday they left going to La for doctor appointments. I worked alone, watering in the heat until noon, then shut the store as I've been doing since the heat got so bad. Later that evening Stacie asked if I knew Patrick was coming to which I replied in the negative. Later on around 6ish, Robby text to say Pat was coming to which I replied, About time ya'll told me. :) Rather than him answering, he either hands phone to TA or gets her phone and texted back saying they let me know as soon as they knew. I responded that both TA and AnnaD had been heard to say he was coming, but don't sweat it, supper is fixed if you're hungry when you get here.
Sure nuff' they come in, fix a plate and take it back to their pad, never even saying much to me. Of course they never came over to help clean up the kitchen either and they saw me working on the church financial report. Oh well, nothing new.
Stacie and CJ left after supper heading to Texas to get BJ, CJ's husband and I had all 4 kids. So I got them settled, did my work, washed the dishes and went to bed. Friday (today) I get up and go to work as usual. Around 8 Stacie, CJ and BJ come in, stop by a minute then head home for a bit. A short while later Stacie comes back pissed to high heaven about Robby and TA. For the life of me I can't remember what they were arguing over other than some money TA was supposed to have paid Stacie back, but they brought the argument to the store with Robby being short and ugly with me. I managed to quietly tell him how I felt about the supper incident and to let him know that I was done with TA.
It was funny that in less than an hour TA came wandering up and planted up some rose cuttings she had rooted but didn't offer to do anything else toward helping me. Of course the watering was done. Stacie and the girls had helped me, but it would have been nice had she offered.
Anywho, it gets 12 and I close and head to the house with Stacie who wants a witness when she asks TA why Anastasia can't go fishing with Robby and TA. So we find TA and Stacie asks--Why can't Ana go fishing with all? Why did you tell her she couldn't go? TA says, "I don't care who goes". Stacie asks her again to which TA answers the same way so I ask, "Did you tell Ana she couldn't go fishing." TA says, "I was only repeating what Robby told to me to say."
Robby had come up and he told Stacie he said no because he didn't have enough life vest. Stacie told him she would remember that and walked away. I know she was hurt because she had took AnnaD and James to the river every time she took her kids and CJ's kids. Robby nor TA ever offered money to help get in either, they just sent their kids and never thought about it.
Lots of other things were said that were hurtful but such is life when so many people live so close together.
I left and went to see my doctor. I talked with him about 30 minutes about all the stuff that's going on; the effects the medicine is having on me; accepting my inability to do what I used to do, the kids and their lack of working with me, fear of the future and income. He is trying me on some Celexia to see if I can take it to help take the edge off during the day since I told him I just wanted to slap the snot out of everyone who didn't act right. Loud noises make me want to just scream and I do believe if I could get somewhere and had the breath to scream to the top of my lungs, I would feel better.
So I come home and Stacie and CJ have cooked supper, pork loin, potato salad and baked beans. It was sooo good. While we were waiting on it to cook, AnnaD comes in and says the women aren't going fishing because the horse is in heat and someone has to stay and watch her. I asked if they were going to camp out down by her pen.........in fact she had gotten out today and wandered down to the neighbors to visit with the male horse he has. Just what I need, another horse. Damn.
A while later TA texts to say she, AnnaD and James aren't going fishing, instead they are going to McComb. She is taking the kids to the bowling alley and will drop them off and go back and get them. I asked what about the horse and was told that she was coming back to check on the horse then go back and the kids--a trip of 100 miles. I was a bit smart aleck with her and said--ok, good you have plenty of money to buy all that gas to which she said she was going to go to walmart but because of the horse she didn't want to cause a problem. I told her to do whatever she wanted the horse would do whatever she wanted to do and she, TA, could deal with it when she got back.
When I left going to the church I stopped in to let them know where I was going. She was just sitting in her office chair and AnnaD was laying on the couch. When I got back around 8 they were gone.
It's times like these when I have to tie a knot and hang on. I know this too shall pass. I know I am being unreasonable at times. I also know I am not being treated fairly at times. I know Stacie has been hurt by TA and Robby and Stacie, much like her mother, has a hard time not allowing the hurt to turn to anger. It's a new experience for her and she is stumbling through this part of recovery, but at least she is trying. I know that if we all don't kill each other first, we should all grow through this and become closer, stronger and better people. I know that this could all work in my favor, but I also feel like I am being used like a dish rag in a kitchen full of busy cooks. I also know I can feel mighty sorry for myself and self pity is something I cannot afford to give into.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
insurance and elections
Local elections were yesterday, Bruce ran for supervisor, if he wins the slot, Terry will have a full time job short of the board of Supervisors not hiring someone to replace him. Bruce will face a run off with Milton Dunaway in 2 weeks, then he will go up against Clark McKenzie in November. Pray, pray, pray.
I got my notice from Medicaid yesterday. I have been approved for working disability and have a medicaid number now. I will be able to afford whatever is needed to get me well. Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
This is Wednesday, August 3. As of today, I've not seen a single one of TA's bunch or herself up here to help me. James gets a disability check each month and their MO is to stay on the road until that money is spent. No word to anyone on why they aren't helping. Nothing, Nadda. 2 more weeks and I will have more assurance as to whether I can shut this place down or not.
Robby didn't go to work today. Figures. He claims it was part time anyway.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
I got my notice from Medicaid yesterday. I have been approved for working disability and have a medicaid number now. I will be able to afford whatever is needed to get me well. Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
This is Wednesday, August 3. As of today, I've not seen a single one of TA's bunch or herself up here to help me. James gets a disability check each month and their MO is to stay on the road until that money is spent. No word to anyone on why they aren't helping. Nothing, Nadda. 2 more weeks and I will have more assurance as to whether I can shut this place down or not.
Robby didn't go to work today. Figures. He claims it was part time anyway.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Monday, August 1, 2011
unreliable
She is a troubled child. Can't depend on her for sure. Told me last night she was going to Columbia-17 miles east-to pay her cell phone and washer bill first thing this morning. Around 8:30 she comes up here to tell me the phones are off and as soon as she gets ready she is going to pay them, to use AnnaD's number if I need her. She leaves and an hour or so later the truck stops in front of the store headed west toward Hwy 27, opposite of Columbia. In between leaving the store and stopping back by Robby called looking for her so I tell him what she tells me.
AnnaD gets out, gets 3 drinks and babbles about oh here are her shoes she has been hunting, I see James in the back seat of the truck but only Anna D gets out. I don't ask where they are headed because I figure they will turn around and head toward Columbia.
The don't. They drive away in the opposite direction.
A half hour later or so Robby calls back, asking have I heard from her. I tell him what I know and have seen at which point when I say they left headed toward the west he says, AnnaD talked her mom into taking her to McComb, 25 miles west, to see that boy. What boy, I don't know.
I say, oh, ok. Well that's stupid to drive 25 miles to one town, then 25 + 17 miles the other direction to pay your bills all because of a want not a need.
Robby agreed and we got off the phone. I sent a text to AnnaD's phone but haven't received an answer.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
AnnaD gets out, gets 3 drinks and babbles about oh here are her shoes she has been hunting, I see James in the back seat of the truck but only Anna D gets out. I don't ask where they are headed because I figure they will turn around and head toward Columbia.
The don't. They drive away in the opposite direction.
A half hour later or so Robby calls back, asking have I heard from her. I tell him what I know and have seen at which point when I say they left headed toward the west he says, AnnaD talked her mom into taking her to McComb, 25 miles west, to see that boy. What boy, I don't know.
I say, oh, ok. Well that's stupid to drive 25 miles to one town, then 25 + 17 miles the other direction to pay your bills all because of a want not a need.
Robby agreed and we got off the phone. I sent a text to AnnaD's phone but haven't received an answer.
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Sunday, July 31, 2011
addiction or no
I've been sitting here this evening , well not sitting exactly, we have 5th Sunday night which includes singing and finger foods, so I've baked a cake and a chocolate pie to take--but while I worked I pondered a few things.
Robby drinks and smokes cigs and pot from time to time and harder stuff at various times in his life.
TA smokes cigs but doesn't drink often or much when she does. However, due to accidents from the past she takes some narcotic pain pills--I don't know what they are other than one is neurotin. She has a pain management doctor she sees monthly so she must be on some powerful stuff???
Anyway, I observe a lot when I'm not bitching and here is what I have noticed. She doesn't have a prescription for any breathing treatments but her son, James does. Occasionally she will use his inhaler or his nebulizer so she can breathe, so she says. She drinks coffee from morning till night and those energy drinks and just a while ago she came over and got a B12 because she just didn't have any energy. I asked, quite innocently if they worked immediately for her. She answered that within an hour she noticed a difference. I laughed and said that either I was hard core or it was all in her head because I took them regularly and I couldn't tell any difference.
Now, I never thought about this much until the doc put me on the extra inhaler plus the nebulizer with a med combo. Immediately, even while taking the nebulizer treatment, I get a head rush, a little bit of blurred vision and heart racing effect and have the nervous shakes for a while. I am told these effects will subside or I will adjust to them and it beats the heck out of not having breath to live on....but if TA consumes all this caffeine, on top of narcotic pain killers, plus on occasion uses a breathing treatment and takes B12 for energy, is it possible she is addicted to the rush she gets from the extra caffeine in the energy drinks (they make her nervous) and the rush she gets from the nebulizer (albuterol )
I still haven't figured it all out but it's certainly looking like she is as addicted to her 'drugs of choice' as Robby is his.
Now, after church tonight I had this strange voicemail on my phone. Best I could tell it was from TA and she was talking on and on about some horse Dana, a friend of Robby's has--actually something about 4 horses. I couldn't understand her well, but I will certainly ask her about this horse business. I will have to say no to any more horses until they have their own place and are paying their own way. Geez!!!
Robby drinks and smokes cigs and pot from time to time and harder stuff at various times in his life.
TA smokes cigs but doesn't drink often or much when she does. However, due to accidents from the past she takes some narcotic pain pills--I don't know what they are other than one is neurotin. She has a pain management doctor she sees monthly so she must be on some powerful stuff???
Anyway, I observe a lot when I'm not bitching and here is what I have noticed. She doesn't have a prescription for any breathing treatments but her son, James does. Occasionally she will use his inhaler or his nebulizer so she can breathe, so she says. She drinks coffee from morning till night and those energy drinks and just a while ago she came over and got a B12 because she just didn't have any energy. I asked, quite innocently if they worked immediately for her. She answered that within an hour she noticed a difference. I laughed and said that either I was hard core or it was all in her head because I took them regularly and I couldn't tell any difference.
Now, I never thought about this much until the doc put me on the extra inhaler plus the nebulizer with a med combo. Immediately, even while taking the nebulizer treatment, I get a head rush, a little bit of blurred vision and heart racing effect and have the nervous shakes for a while. I am told these effects will subside or I will adjust to them and it beats the heck out of not having breath to live on....but if TA consumes all this caffeine, on top of narcotic pain killers, plus on occasion uses a breathing treatment and takes B12 for energy, is it possible she is addicted to the rush she gets from the extra caffeine in the energy drinks (they make her nervous) and the rush she gets from the nebulizer (albuterol )
I still haven't figured it all out but it's certainly looking like she is as addicted to her 'drugs of choice' as Robby is his.
Now, after church tonight I had this strange voicemail on my phone. Best I could tell it was from TA and she was talking on and on about some horse Dana, a friend of Robby's has--actually something about 4 horses. I couldn't understand her well, but I will certainly ask her about this horse business. I will have to say no to any more horses until they have their own place and are paying their own way. Geez!!!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
No dull moments
Following my 'uncalled for' fit of Thursday, tension has run high here on the hill. I am a stubborn old coot and sometimes will literally cut off my own nose to spite my face. I wasn't giving an inch on this one. I didn't want their help since I was having to gripe, complain, plead and ask for it. No one showed up to work on Friday--the whole day was spent with the horse; no one showed up to help today--the day was spent with the horse.
When I closed at lunch and came home, I worked on a couple of flower beds, pulling the weeds. Stacie sent the kids down to help and we got several cleaned. I put the tobasco peppers on to cook a bit, and when they were ready Terry blended and strained them.
I fixed some supper and just as I sat down to eat the whole crew came in. Funny how they can smell it when it's done but seldom offer to help--again, the horse is more important. Damn that horse. Anyway, before I finished eating there was a knock on the door and a couple of ladies wanted to pay for the plants they had picked out. Now get this---the doors are locked, there is a large sign at the front door stating my hours and when I opened the door after 6 PM they asked--are you closed?? *rolls eyes*
Anyway, I didn't mind taking their money. Between them they bought about 150.00 worth of plants, so I couldn't complain about going up there after hours.
When I came back in, everyone had eaten and scattered. After a while Robby left in the truck and knowing he was well lit, I asked Stacie about it. She said he had left going to visit with Bob. I let her and TA know that if he wasn't back by the time I took my shower I was going to drive by to see for sure he went to Bob's and if he weren't there then I was calling the law and putting a search out for the truck. After all, it is in my name. Rather than me go, they--Stacie, CJ and TA went. At first he wasn't at Bob's, but after they drove the block, he was there when they came back by. They stopped and of course told him why they were looking for him. Stacie said he ranted about me a while, then told TA he was a good mind to come home, pack his stuff and go live with Paula; said the only reason I let him move back out here was because of TA.
Lordy, Lordy--insecurities sticking out all over the place and I don't have the energy to even consider convincing him otherwise. TA came over after they came back from Bob's and we were talking about Robby's drinking. Soon he followed her, trying to find out if we were talking about him. She smoothed that one over and it was--sweetheart, would you like this, they don't have any sausage like you like? I got you some milk sweetie. I was coming but we were talking about groceries. I told Stacie she needed to get on her knees and thank God she didn't have a man she had to bend over backwards to please. I couldn't live like that--worried every minute that he was going to get mad about something. Robby has some serious issues going on and with his drinking increasing I feel that drugs will be right around the corner. I bet if I had tracked the times I have had these feelings--and I have written about them--I would find that my intuitions are always right on the money.
Stacie seems to be doing 100% better now that she's on Cymbalta. Even not losing her cool when she found out Ana had fooled her about Lizzie spending the night--simply telling Stacie Jackie wasn't coming after Lizzie rather than asking if Lizzie could spend the night.
I don't know about me--the meds the doc added have albuterol and they are truly messing with me. I feel jittery, but also depressed/sad/burdened ..........yeah, burdened is really the more appropriate word. I don't know what decisions to make and am really trying to put it in God's hands. I can't just close the nursery; I still have too much inventory. I can't sell it in this economy. I can't trust TA to take it over because if she gets up with washing clothes on her mind, then she would wash clothes rather than open the nursery; or if Robby were home she would put the kids in charge and stay right up under Robby. I don't think they can manage money well enough to run a business and I won't let them take over and leave everything in my name and their credit isn't good enough to put it in their name.
Dr. V said to stay as physically active as I can--and I will. That is just me, but he said if there was anything that hurt me to not do it; if being around the dust at the nursery affected my breathing then don't go to the nursery. So there is much on my mind these days--finances, children, grandchildren, health, church, life, death....
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
When I closed at lunch and came home, I worked on a couple of flower beds, pulling the weeds. Stacie sent the kids down to help and we got several cleaned. I put the tobasco peppers on to cook a bit, and when they were ready Terry blended and strained them.
I fixed some supper and just as I sat down to eat the whole crew came in. Funny how they can smell it when it's done but seldom offer to help--again, the horse is more important. Damn that horse. Anyway, before I finished eating there was a knock on the door and a couple of ladies wanted to pay for the plants they had picked out. Now get this---the doors are locked, there is a large sign at the front door stating my hours and when I opened the door after 6 PM they asked--are you closed?? *rolls eyes*
Anyway, I didn't mind taking their money. Between them they bought about 150.00 worth of plants, so I couldn't complain about going up there after hours.
When I came back in, everyone had eaten and scattered. After a while Robby left in the truck and knowing he was well lit, I asked Stacie about it. She said he had left going to visit with Bob. I let her and TA know that if he wasn't back by the time I took my shower I was going to drive by to see for sure he went to Bob's and if he weren't there then I was calling the law and putting a search out for the truck. After all, it is in my name. Rather than me go, they--Stacie, CJ and TA went. At first he wasn't at Bob's, but after they drove the block, he was there when they came back by. They stopped and of course told him why they were looking for him. Stacie said he ranted about me a while, then told TA he was a good mind to come home, pack his stuff and go live with Paula; said the only reason I let him move back out here was because of TA.
Lordy, Lordy--insecurities sticking out all over the place and I don't have the energy to even consider convincing him otherwise. TA came over after they came back from Bob's and we were talking about Robby's drinking. Soon he followed her, trying to find out if we were talking about him. She smoothed that one over and it was--sweetheart, would you like this, they don't have any sausage like you like? I got you some milk sweetie. I was coming but we were talking about groceries. I told Stacie she needed to get on her knees and thank God she didn't have a man she had to bend over backwards to please. I couldn't live like that--worried every minute that he was going to get mad about something. Robby has some serious issues going on and with his drinking increasing I feel that drugs will be right around the corner. I bet if I had tracked the times I have had these feelings--and I have written about them--I would find that my intuitions are always right on the money.
Stacie seems to be doing 100% better now that she's on Cymbalta. Even not losing her cool when she found out Ana had fooled her about Lizzie spending the night--simply telling Stacie Jackie wasn't coming after Lizzie rather than asking if Lizzie could spend the night.
I don't know about me--the meds the doc added have albuterol and they are truly messing with me. I feel jittery, but also depressed/sad/burdened ..........yeah, burdened is really the more appropriate word. I don't know what decisions to make and am really trying to put it in God's hands. I can't just close the nursery; I still have too much inventory. I can't sell it in this economy. I can't trust TA to take it over because if she gets up with washing clothes on her mind, then she would wash clothes rather than open the nursery; or if Robby were home she would put the kids in charge and stay right up under Robby. I don't think they can manage money well enough to run a business and I won't let them take over and leave everything in my name and their credit isn't good enough to put it in their name.
Dr. V said to stay as physically active as I can--and I will. That is just me, but he said if there was anything that hurt me to not do it; if being around the dust at the nursery affected my breathing then don't go to the nursery. So there is much on my mind these days--finances, children, grandchildren, health, church, life, death....
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
Thursday, July 28, 2011
WW3
Robby & "TA first weren't coming home last night. They text AnnaD to let her know this which of course upset her. They didn't bother to tell me, but Stacie did once she knew which was around 9 or after. AnnaD was very upset about this and I found out today that later on she called her mom and discovered that mom and Robby were sitting at Patrick's, her brother, along with Benny the other brother and their women and drinking and having a good time. This upset AnnaD and she got upset with mom again who said Robby was the one who didn't want to come home. So, for whatever reason, Robby and TA came in later last night.
This morning I woke to find the horse in my back yard. I sent them both a text, then noticed the truck on the other side of the shed so I went to the shed and told them in person. They both got up and put the horse in and started working on the pen. I went to work. Bob came over as he has every day for 2 weeks to use the phone. He has applied for food stamps and was approved and is trying to get in touch with the lady with SW Mississippi Opportunity to get help paying his utility bill. His phone is shut off so he comes to use mine. Normally he doesn't bother me but today, maybe because of Robby's behavior yesterday, I was on edge and truly thought if he didn't shut up and leave I would scream. Finally he left to go get ready to go see the woman since he couldn't reach her on the phone. Shortly afterward she called and so I had to run a message over to him. Of course he was locked up in the house and didn't hear me banging on the door, so I left his note in the truck. He found it when he started to town, came back by the store and called the lady. Then he sits down and slowly, detail by detail tells me that she said he could bring the paperwork by this morning since she would be there a while longer. Finally I asked him why he wasn't already on his way. LOL He left.
Then we get ready to leave and Stacie tells me that TA says, See she gets so upset over nothing--referring to me being upset because I didn't know they left the night before, i didn't know they weren't coming home and I was upset over a stupid horse in my yard. So I have Terry drive me up there and I tell her that--if she has a problem keeping me posted on her coming and going then 1. start paying rent and utilities and 2. don't leave your children with me; 3. if you think a horse in your back yard is no big issue then get your place and let him stomp around in your back yard. I also tell her that after today, I will not expect anyone to come help me because if I can't do it myself then it won't get done. I started this business and I will see it through to the end. With that I left.
So to the doctor--He has spoken to two specialists in the field of my particular disease. They say that 1. the same bacteria that is in my lungs is in my stomach and with acid reflux I keep giving it back to myself. Treat the acid reflux. This will help a lot
2. Open up the lungs so that I can cough up this stuff to help me remove it that way until such a time as funds are available to treat me IV wise. he got his list of the drug sensitivities and showed me that the ones I might could take are either inhaled or IV and both are super expensive. He wants a CT with contrast scan in November to compare the disease between last year and this year to know whether we need to become more agressive in treating it or not. He gave me a month's worth of my Spireva, another inhaler to take twice daily, a rescue inhaler for when I simply have no air and two meds to put into a nebulizer along with the mouthpiece and tubing for the nebulizer since I will be borrowing James's until I get one. The doctor is going to see if I am approved for a free one. His nurse will let me know. He says he will keep me in free meds and all I have to do is drive over and get them. He said to watch my weight, make sure I don't lose weight and keep a check on my temp to be sure I am not running low grade fever. I forgot to buy a new thermometer today but will get me one.
We stopped by Bed, Bath and Beyond since Terry had not ever been there. I got a new cutting board and a corner shelf for the shower. On the way to Columbia Robby called. he needed me to call Ana and have her unlock the door at Stacie's, seems Anna D had locked herself in at Stacie's and wouldn't come out. I talked to Anastasia and learned mom had told her to not open the door since she and CJ were at CJ's grandmas, so I told Anastasia to talk to Robby and explain that to him.
By the time we hit Walmart, Stacie and CJ were home, someone had called the law and they were on their way. We ran in WM and got what we needed right quick and as we hit Foxworth Robby called back with, "Well they law is coming and I will probably be arrested." I said, "I am sorry to hear that son." Well, he says, you don't act like you give a F'ing damn. I said, "Well son, I care, but there is nothing I can do. Nothing I have done for the past 3 days has pleased you and I don't know what has crawled up everybody's butt and died but they need to expel it, say they are sorry and move on." He agreed and hung up.
So the law was at Stacie's when we drove up, but they only talked to AnnaD and the rest of them, TA and Robby. TA had left scratches on AnnaD trying to force her to do something--I don't know what as I wasn't here, thankfully. After the law left I had them all come to the house and I told them that they all needed to chill out and get along. As they walked out, AnnaD and Robby got into an argument as well as her mom over the cell phone. They took her phone away, so AnnaD takes the simn card out and put it in another one. Kids!!!!!!!!!!!!! They all argued back and forth for probably an hour until finally I walked to the shed and TA let me talk with AnnaD who was cowering in the bathroom crying her eyes out.
Come to find out the child has been on.............Adderol for ADHD, Zoloft for depression, Wellbutrin for depression and Buspar ?? for nerves I guess. She has been on that combo for 3 weeks and apparently it isn't doing it's thing. TA says the girls needs all these meds. All her kids are medicated. James I can understand, but Anna D I can't. Anywho, to my knowledge everyone is calm and the hill is at peace for the moment.
I have taken a xanax and I am at peace. I may have to take them regularly for a while since the meds I was given today have albutriol in them and it makes me very nervous feeling and more of a witch than I am already.
I'm worried about the exact details of what I qualified for, will it include Medicaid? or no. Will Terry get on full time with the county? What will I do with the nursery. The doc told me today that he wanted me to as physically active as I could be. I told him that he needn't worry, I couldn't sit on my butt and do nothing. He said, good, but if being around the dusts at the greenhouse bothers you, don't do it. If anything bothers your breathing, do not do it.
Hon, I know you have thought I was upset with you at times. Never. I know our phones, or mine anyway has been a patooty.....but in spite of all that, the above stuff I have written, especially the paragraph about jobs, insurance, greenhouse have weighed heavily on my mind. Add to that the drama these 3 extra families can create plus the drama our church family can cause and I feel weighed down by it all. I am so tired of either saying, I don't feel well or lying and saying, oh, I am just fine. I want to be really fine. I want to feel good and not feel so frustrated and helpless because my mind says let's do this and my body says...you can't be serious you fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So that was pretty much my day.
And how was yours? How is your back?
love you and thanks for reading if you made it this far.
Klara
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
This morning I woke to find the horse in my back yard. I sent them both a text, then noticed the truck on the other side of the shed so I went to the shed and told them in person. They both got up and put the horse in and started working on the pen. I went to work. Bob came over as he has every day for 2 weeks to use the phone. He has applied for food stamps and was approved and is trying to get in touch with the lady with SW Mississippi Opportunity to get help paying his utility bill. His phone is shut off so he comes to use mine. Normally he doesn't bother me but today, maybe because of Robby's behavior yesterday, I was on edge and truly thought if he didn't shut up and leave I would scream. Finally he left to go get ready to go see the woman since he couldn't reach her on the phone. Shortly afterward she called and so I had to run a message over to him. Of course he was locked up in the house and didn't hear me banging on the door, so I left his note in the truck. He found it when he started to town, came back by the store and called the lady. Then he sits down and slowly, detail by detail tells me that she said he could bring the paperwork by this morning since she would be there a while longer. Finally I asked him why he wasn't already on his way. LOL He left.
Then we get ready to leave and Stacie tells me that TA says, See she gets so upset over nothing--referring to me being upset because I didn't know they left the night before, i didn't know they weren't coming home and I was upset over a stupid horse in my yard. So I have Terry drive me up there and I tell her that--if she has a problem keeping me posted on her coming and going then 1. start paying rent and utilities and 2. don't leave your children with me; 3. if you think a horse in your back yard is no big issue then get your place and let him stomp around in your back yard. I also tell her that after today, I will not expect anyone to come help me because if I can't do it myself then it won't get done. I started this business and I will see it through to the end. With that I left.
So to the doctor--He has spoken to two specialists in the field of my particular disease. They say that 1. the same bacteria that is in my lungs is in my stomach and with acid reflux I keep giving it back to myself. Treat the acid reflux. This will help a lot
2. Open up the lungs so that I can cough up this stuff to help me remove it that way until such a time as funds are available to treat me IV wise. he got his list of the drug sensitivities and showed me that the ones I might could take are either inhaled or IV and both are super expensive. He wants a CT with contrast scan in November to compare the disease between last year and this year to know whether we need to become more agressive in treating it or not. He gave me a month's worth of my Spireva, another inhaler to take twice daily, a rescue inhaler for when I simply have no air and two meds to put into a nebulizer along with the mouthpiece and tubing for the nebulizer since I will be borrowing James's until I get one. The doctor is going to see if I am approved for a free one. His nurse will let me know. He says he will keep me in free meds and all I have to do is drive over and get them. He said to watch my weight, make sure I don't lose weight and keep a check on my temp to be sure I am not running low grade fever. I forgot to buy a new thermometer today but will get me one.
We stopped by Bed, Bath and Beyond since Terry had not ever been there. I got a new cutting board and a corner shelf for the shower. On the way to Columbia Robby called. he needed me to call Ana and have her unlock the door at Stacie's, seems Anna D had locked herself in at Stacie's and wouldn't come out. I talked to Anastasia and learned mom had told her to not open the door since she and CJ were at CJ's grandmas, so I told Anastasia to talk to Robby and explain that to him.
By the time we hit Walmart, Stacie and CJ were home, someone had called the law and they were on their way. We ran in WM and got what we needed right quick and as we hit Foxworth Robby called back with, "Well they law is coming and I will probably be arrested." I said, "I am sorry to hear that son." Well, he says, you don't act like you give a F'ing damn. I said, "Well son, I care, but there is nothing I can do. Nothing I have done for the past 3 days has pleased you and I don't know what has crawled up everybody's butt and died but they need to expel it, say they are sorry and move on." He agreed and hung up.
So the law was at Stacie's when we drove up, but they only talked to AnnaD and the rest of them, TA and Robby. TA had left scratches on AnnaD trying to force her to do something--I don't know what as I wasn't here, thankfully. After the law left I had them all come to the house and I told them that they all needed to chill out and get along. As they walked out, AnnaD and Robby got into an argument as well as her mom over the cell phone. They took her phone away, so AnnaD takes the simn card out and put it in another one. Kids!!!!!!!!!!!!! They all argued back and forth for probably an hour until finally I walked to the shed and TA let me talk with AnnaD who was cowering in the bathroom crying her eyes out.
Come to find out the child has been on.............Adderol for ADHD, Zoloft for depression, Wellbutrin for depression and Buspar ?? for nerves I guess. She has been on that combo for 3 weeks and apparently it isn't doing it's thing. TA says the girls needs all these meds. All her kids are medicated. James I can understand, but Anna D I can't. Anywho, to my knowledge everyone is calm and the hill is at peace for the moment.
I have taken a xanax and I am at peace. I may have to take them regularly for a while since the meds I was given today have albutriol in them and it makes me very nervous feeling and more of a witch than I am already.
I'm worried about the exact details of what I qualified for, will it include Medicaid? or no. Will Terry get on full time with the county? What will I do with the nursery. The doc told me today that he wanted me to as physically active as I could be. I told him that he needn't worry, I couldn't sit on my butt and do nothing. He said, good, but if being around the dusts at the greenhouse bothers you, don't do it. If anything bothers your breathing, do not do it.
Hon, I know you have thought I was upset with you at times. Never. I know our phones, or mine anyway has been a patooty.....but in spite of all that, the above stuff I have written, especially the paragraph about jobs, insurance, greenhouse have weighed heavily on my mind. Add to that the drama these 3 extra families can create plus the drama our church family can cause and I feel weighed down by it all. I am so tired of either saying, I don't feel well or lying and saying, oh, I am just fine. I want to be really fine. I want to feel good and not feel so frustrated and helpless because my mind says let's do this and my body says...you can't be serious you fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So that was pretty much my day.
And how was yours? How is your back?
love you and thanks for reading if you made it this far.
Klara
--
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
--Robert Frost
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