Each year, Ana goes to Cheyenne's for her birthday party. It is this weekend. Beginning the first of Sept, it is all Ana talks about, to me and to her mom. Usually she goes on Friday nite and spends the nite to be there for the party, because Cheyenne lives on 583, up close to Brister's store, or whatever it's called now.
This morning Stacie came in a huff. On her weekly homework/classroom grades, she had a low math grade. I had signed the paper already and really didn't think twice about the grade. We all have bad days. Why she showed it to her mom I don't know, but she did and when Stacie asked her about the grade, she said because I was busy with Shandi and then we had to go to church, she didn't finish it.
Ana tends to see her world as black and white. Mama always pays more attention to Shandi, I always help Shandi more than I do her. Mama is nicer to Shandi than to Ana because mama sees herself in Ana and doesn't like what she sees. I do spend more homework time with Shandi because she needs it more. However, I go back and forth between the dining table and the living room helping both of them. Shan is at the table, Ana in the living room with the music on---I get to a point where I write down the answers Shan gives me so she can copy them since her spelling is bad, then I run to the living room and help Ana or check on her. Wednesday evenings, I'm also cooking whatever I'm taking to church.
So, mama says Ana is grounded not for the grade, but for not asking for help. She can't go to Cheyene' party. I say that since this has been planned for ages, find something else. Mama does agree to let her attend the party but not overnight. Ok, we compromised. Mama goes on to rant and rave about this and that in that mean, hateful tone, Ana is crying and it's almost time to go to school. mama tells her if she could afford it she would send Ana to a school that would teach her good attitude. I said that kids learn what is done in front of them. mama says she's gotten better, in this same hateful tone of voice she's used all morning. Ana is visibly upset about that idea. I tell mama that Ana doesn't ask her for help because I've heard mama refuse, actually tell her that as smart as Ana is she isn't going ot help her. I tell mama that if I were a kid, i wouldn't ask her for help either.
The bus comes, Stacie starts crying and says--would you please not correct me in the front of the kids again. I thought we were all supposed to agree in front of kids. She is right. I was wrong---but sometimes I just have to stand up for the kids. Usually I keep my mouth shut.
I say--ok, I"ll just be your peon, take the kids to all their activities and appointments and help them with their homework, and keep my mouth shut about discipline.
She leaves.
I cry.
I know I was wrong to disagree with her punishement, but she goes overboard with it, even saying she wasn't punishing Ana for the grade but for not asking for help. She also does it so hateful, it upsets me, so I know how the kid feels.
Then Stacie texts and says: how about I just keep my mouth shut and let you discipline since you know better than I, and I'm not being sarcastic.
I replied back that I didn't always know or do better, I loved her and we'd talk tonight.
Showing posts with label Ana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ana. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Shandi/grounding Ana/school
I've never felt so sorry for a child than I did Shandi this evening.
School papers from the past week came home today. Two of them were repeats from last week; the ones where she had written her story. The other half of the paper was finding the misspelled word. She made an F on both of them. She missed all the misspelled words and didn't even attempt to write a story. When I asked her she said she got behind and couldn't finish it.
She had one Reading Comprehension paper that she made an 86 on. When she saw it she says, "I didn't make a hundred?" "No" I said, "But look, you made an 86. That is great." "She tears up and says, "But I tried so hard to make a hundred. I want to make a hundred." I said,"But baby, 86 is so good in a subject you have problems in."
By now she's crying and so am I. She tells me again how hard she tries to make hundreds.
Then we come home and do the homework. Afterwards, we're going over the papers and I'm explaining to her her mistakes. She spotted the two papers with an F on them. Those weren't the only ones, but it's what she saw. Then she wants to know why she isn't grounded for making an F. "I'm supposed to be grounded for making F's. That is the rule."
Lord, I didn't know what to say, so I asked her, "Do you want to be grounded?"
She says she doesn't, but it's the rules.
I say, "Well, I suppose we could ground you if that's what you think you need."
All this time I'm thinking and praying, God, help me help her understand. I'm also about to cry.
So I ended up telling her that for right now she's in a class room filled with children who do not struggle nearly as hard as she does to make the grade. She is in there because the school hasn't gotten up off of it to give her the services she needs. Once she gets those services, THEN if she makes F's, or if she simply doesn't try her best, then we will ground her in a heartbeat. She seemed satisfied with that.
I thought about talking with her about her limitations, but I don't know how to go about doing that, and not say the wrong thing.
Do you have suggestions? Do you think I need to call and set them up an appointment so we can help her understand why she isn't grounded? Stacie and I simply can't see grounding her for something that she cannot help and she can't help not being able to grasp all the school work. After all, even with her adaptive skills, a 59 IQ limits a person's ability to comprehend certain concepts.
Also, Ana is having a hard time with the fact that Stacie is planning to return to school. We think she's subconsciously remembering that Garry molested her during Stacie's last session in school, but she doesn't tell us when we ask her why does she become so upset when Stacie mentions school. She only says it's because mom will always be gone.
School papers from the past week came home today. Two of them were repeats from last week; the ones where she had written her story. The other half of the paper was finding the misspelled word. She made an F on both of them. She missed all the misspelled words and didn't even attempt to write a story. When I asked her she said she got behind and couldn't finish it.
She had one Reading Comprehension paper that she made an 86 on. When she saw it she says, "I didn't make a hundred?" "No" I said, "But look, you made an 86. That is great." "She tears up and says, "But I tried so hard to make a hundred. I want to make a hundred." I said,"But baby, 86 is so good in a subject you have problems in."
By now she's crying and so am I. She tells me again how hard she tries to make hundreds.
Then we come home and do the homework. Afterwards, we're going over the papers and I'm explaining to her her mistakes. She spotted the two papers with an F on them. Those weren't the only ones, but it's what she saw. Then she wants to know why she isn't grounded for making an F. "I'm supposed to be grounded for making F's. That is the rule."
Lord, I didn't know what to say, so I asked her, "Do you want to be grounded?"
She says she doesn't, but it's the rules.
I say, "Well, I suppose we could ground you if that's what you think you need."
All this time I'm thinking and praying, God, help me help her understand. I'm also about to cry.
So I ended up telling her that for right now she's in a class room filled with children who do not struggle nearly as hard as she does to make the grade. She is in there because the school hasn't gotten up off of it to give her the services she needs. Once she gets those services, THEN if she makes F's, or if she simply doesn't try her best, then we will ground her in a heartbeat. She seemed satisfied with that.
I thought about talking with her about her limitations, but I don't know how to go about doing that, and not say the wrong thing.
Do you have suggestions? Do you think I need to call and set them up an appointment so we can help her understand why she isn't grounded? Stacie and I simply can't see grounding her for something that she cannot help and she can't help not being able to grasp all the school work. After all, even with her adaptive skills, a 59 IQ limits a person's ability to comprehend certain concepts.
Also, Ana is having a hard time with the fact that Stacie is planning to return to school. We think she's subconsciously remembering that Garry molested her during Stacie's last session in school, but she doesn't tell us when we ask her why does she become so upset when Stacie mentions school. She only says it's because mom will always be gone.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Just stuff
Robby and Paula came out yesterday for a visit. He looks good, yet he has that bouncy leg thing going. The bouncy leg thing always indicates that he's anxious to be involved in something. When he can't get involved in something that holds his interest, alcohol and drugs are next in line.
He wants to come help us with covering the greenhouses. We'll see how things go. I'm letting Terry make that decision.
Terry worked with the county today. I spent most of the day on the phone. I enjoyed the talking, but hate days when I don't accomplish anything. Ana went home with a friend this evening, so Shandi and I came home. While Shandi studied her questions for reading, I put on a pot of chilli and mixed up some brownie mix to have for making brownies to sell for the cheerleaders.
When supper was ready I told Shandi what we were having--frito pie. What's that, she wanted to know. It's fritos with chilli poured over it. Oh, I like chilli and fritos, she said. So I fixed her a bowl and when I put it in front of her, she says, "But momo, where's the pie?"
I heard from my brother today. Seems he's been having chest pains so he went to the doctor. He has COPD and needs to quit smoking. I have it too and need to quit smoking. God help us both. I've tried and haven't succeeded yet. Maybe the next time I make up my mind to quit will the right time.
I took the girls to Salem church tonight. They have an active GA group of girls. Another grandmother from our home church also took her granddaughter, so it was nice to have a home person at a non-home church with me. Salem should be as much home to me as Magee's Creek. I know almost every person there; but I don't go often so I feel odd. We were cordially welcomed and told to come anytime; which we will as long as the girls are involved in GA's.
The preacher doesn't drone on and on. He opens with a short prayer, gives a short devotion, then opens the floor for prayer requests. After these are mentioned, he starts the prayer, encourages any who wishes to, to pray, and asks a specific person to close the prayer time. Their prayer meeting starts at 6:30 and was over at 7, promptly. Such a far cry from ours. We start at 7, sing 2 hymns, have 30-45 minutes of prayer requests, signing cards to send, praying for the people individually; then the preacher asks for blessing reports, prays about 10 minutes, gives a 10-15 minute devotion and closes with another 10 minute prayer. It's anywhere from 10 past to 20 past 8 when we are done. Then it's gather up the girls, get them home, try to calm them down, give them a snack and get them to bed.
I really like Salem's method of doing it.
I caught a bit of the evening news today. The part I caught was some replay of the debate they had last night, I suppose. All I heard was Obama and McCain, Biden and Palin pointing the finger at each other. They all sounded like a bunch of children, yay-yaying at each other. Sarcasm was used on some of the constituents who asked questions. It's a joke, if you ask me. Every where I look during election years, candidates are running down each other.
I have a tendency to distrust any negative messages against a candidate, for I feel that any kind of dirt can be glamorized and blown out of porportion in order to make the initiator look good and his opponent look bad. Why can't politicians run on their own merit and not run each other down?
I suppose that's too much to ask.
He wants to come help us with covering the greenhouses. We'll see how things go. I'm letting Terry make that decision.
Terry worked with the county today. I spent most of the day on the phone. I enjoyed the talking, but hate days when I don't accomplish anything. Ana went home with a friend this evening, so Shandi and I came home. While Shandi studied her questions for reading, I put on a pot of chilli and mixed up some brownie mix to have for making brownies to sell for the cheerleaders.
When supper was ready I told Shandi what we were having--frito pie. What's that, she wanted to know. It's fritos with chilli poured over it. Oh, I like chilli and fritos, she said. So I fixed her a bowl and when I put it in front of her, she says, "But momo, where's the pie?"
I heard from my brother today. Seems he's been having chest pains so he went to the doctor. He has COPD and needs to quit smoking. I have it too and need to quit smoking. God help us both. I've tried and haven't succeeded yet. Maybe the next time I make up my mind to quit will the right time.
I took the girls to Salem church tonight. They have an active GA group of girls. Another grandmother from our home church also took her granddaughter, so it was nice to have a home person at a non-home church with me. Salem should be as much home to me as Magee's Creek. I know almost every person there; but I don't go often so I feel odd. We were cordially welcomed and told to come anytime; which we will as long as the girls are involved in GA's.
The preacher doesn't drone on and on. He opens with a short prayer, gives a short devotion, then opens the floor for prayer requests. After these are mentioned, he starts the prayer, encourages any who wishes to, to pray, and asks a specific person to close the prayer time. Their prayer meeting starts at 6:30 and was over at 7, promptly. Such a far cry from ours. We start at 7, sing 2 hymns, have 30-45 minutes of prayer requests, signing cards to send, praying for the people individually; then the preacher asks for blessing reports, prays about 10 minutes, gives a 10-15 minute devotion and closes with another 10 minute prayer. It's anywhere from 10 past to 20 past 8 when we are done. Then it's gather up the girls, get them home, try to calm them down, give them a snack and get them to bed.
I really like Salem's method of doing it.
I caught a bit of the evening news today. The part I caught was some replay of the debate they had last night, I suppose. All I heard was Obama and McCain, Biden and Palin pointing the finger at each other. They all sounded like a bunch of children, yay-yaying at each other. Sarcasm was used on some of the constituents who asked questions. It's a joke, if you ask me. Every where I look during election years, candidates are running down each other.
I have a tendency to distrust any negative messages against a candidate, for I feel that any kind of dirt can be glamorized and blown out of porportion in order to make the initiator look good and his opponent look bad. Why can't politicians run on their own merit and not run each other down?
I suppose that's too much to ask.
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